04/29/2006
FINALLY!
The scale showed a 2 pound loss this week! WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
I'm now at 201 - just two sad little pounds away from Onederland! And, I've earned my 30 pound bear! I sure had to work hard for that little guy!
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
Everyone is Safe Again - LOL!
04/28/2006
You'll be happy to know that I didn't hit, punch, slap or flick anyone yesterday, despite my burning desire to do so! LOL!
I think I'm going to take Diane's advice and try to establish some boundries. I don't know if it's too late or not, but it can't hurt to try, right? I mentioned to my boss that there was a task on my plate that I felt could be handled by one of my co-workers. I about fell out of my chair when he agreed. I also let him know that I was felling a little burnt out. I know that won't change my workload, but maybe he'll give me some slack. We'll see.
On another topic, I was on The Jazzman's site today and Neil posted this video. I have tears in my eyes, so you MUST check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
How many calories do you think this will burn?
With friendship,
Care'
You'll be happy to know that I didn't hit, punch, slap or flick anyone yesterday, despite my burning desire to do so! LOL!
I think I'm going to take Diane's advice and try to establish some boundries. I don't know if it's too late or not, but it can't hurt to try, right? I mentioned to my boss that there was a task on my plate that I felt could be handled by one of my co-workers. I about fell out of my chair when he agreed. I also let him know that I was felling a little burnt out. I know that won't change my workload, but maybe he'll give me some slack. We'll see.
On another topic, I was on The Jazzman's site today and Neil posted this video. I have tears in my eyes, so you MUST check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
How many calories do you think this will burn?
With friendship,
Care'
Thursday, April 27, 2006
UGH! Sometimes it's all Just too Much
04/27/2006
Do you ever feel completely and totally overwhelmed? Lately that seems to be a constant state for me. Work has been CRAZY and there's no sign of it ever letting up. In fact, I'm getting a little sick of working 50 hours a week and STILL not getting everything done and getting beat up for it. I'm in a project manager position for a couple of our clients so, if the work isn't done on time, then I'm the one in the firing line. Then, they call the boss and he gripes at me. He wants to know what I need to make it better, I tell him, but I never get what I need. The truth of it is that we are seriously understaffed and overworked. This is not an exaggeration . . I literally walk in the door on Monday with over 100 hours of work to do each week. How is that possible to accomplish? And, we continue to take on more business. The amazing thing is that we usually get it all done, but at what cost? I see my co-workers burning out and, quite frankly, I think I'm starting to get a little singed around the edges myself.
That's very discouraging for me, because I'm such a go-getter. I love to work hard and take what seems impossible and make it happen. But I'm finding that, the harder I work, the harder I'm expected to work. I find it very difficult to get motivated when I know the tasks are not possible to accomplish and when there is no reward at the end except for more work. I seriously could work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and STILL not be done. And, I'm not really doing anything important! If I were finding the cure for cancer or something I might feel a little less bitter about the time commitment.
It really frustrates me that I need to work all these weekends, too. What about my family? What about ME? I feel guilty if I'm working because I'm not with the family. I feel guilty if I *gasp* take the weekend off because I should be working. My house is a wreak because I don't have time to clean. We almost ran out of underwear the other day because I haven't had a chance to do laundry!
I'm finding it really hard to motivate my team when I want to walk out the door myself. No lie . . . I said to myself the other day "I just want to go home." Problem is - I was still at home sitting in the bathtub getting ready to go to work! That's pretty bad!
I really like what I do, but the conditions under which I'm having to do it just isn't working for me. It's hard to believe that only a week ago I was questioning if it was time to move on. I think I have my answer now - LOL! Now, if only the other job will call! Hopefully I'll hear something soon. The idea of being able to work from home two days a week is so appealing. I mean, I might actually have a chance to wash the underwear . . .
Now, top all of this off with me fretting over my weight and we have a powder keg here. My normal coping mechanism of eating is no longer an option. Fortunately, I've only had a couple of times when I wanted to eat, so I've been able to control that. The problem is that I'm finding that I want to hit someone instead! You know, really sock it to 'em - knock the crap out of 'em! But, I can't do that either. Can I?
Perhaps I should take up boxing?
This is somewhat comical to me since I'm such a non-violent person! Like right now, right this minute, if someone were to come up and ask me a dumb question (which is an hourly occurance) I'd like to just pop 'em one. Even if it was just to flick them with my finger . . .
Okay, now I'm laughing at myself. Could you imagine the look on their face? LOL!
Gee, I feel better now. This blog thing really is useful!
All right, back to work for me since the pile isn't getting any smaller. I promise I won't hit anyone. . . today . . . LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Do you ever feel completely and totally overwhelmed? Lately that seems to be a constant state for me. Work has been CRAZY and there's no sign of it ever letting up. In fact, I'm getting a little sick of working 50 hours a week and STILL not getting everything done and getting beat up for it. I'm in a project manager position for a couple of our clients so, if the work isn't done on time, then I'm the one in the firing line. Then, they call the boss and he gripes at me. He wants to know what I need to make it better, I tell him, but I never get what I need. The truth of it is that we are seriously understaffed and overworked. This is not an exaggeration . . I literally walk in the door on Monday with over 100 hours of work to do each week. How is that possible to accomplish? And, we continue to take on more business. The amazing thing is that we usually get it all done, but at what cost? I see my co-workers burning out and, quite frankly, I think I'm starting to get a little singed around the edges myself.
That's very discouraging for me, because I'm such a go-getter. I love to work hard and take what seems impossible and make it happen. But I'm finding that, the harder I work, the harder I'm expected to work. I find it very difficult to get motivated when I know the tasks are not possible to accomplish and when there is no reward at the end except for more work. I seriously could work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and STILL not be done. And, I'm not really doing anything important! If I were finding the cure for cancer or something I might feel a little less bitter about the time commitment.
It really frustrates me that I need to work all these weekends, too. What about my family? What about ME? I feel guilty if I'm working because I'm not with the family. I feel guilty if I *gasp* take the weekend off because I should be working. My house is a wreak because I don't have time to clean. We almost ran out of underwear the other day because I haven't had a chance to do laundry!
I'm finding it really hard to motivate my team when I want to walk out the door myself. No lie . . . I said to myself the other day "I just want to go home." Problem is - I was still at home sitting in the bathtub getting ready to go to work! That's pretty bad!
I really like what I do, but the conditions under which I'm having to do it just isn't working for me. It's hard to believe that only a week ago I was questioning if it was time to move on. I think I have my answer now - LOL! Now, if only the other job will call! Hopefully I'll hear something soon. The idea of being able to work from home two days a week is so appealing. I mean, I might actually have a chance to wash the underwear . . .
Now, top all of this off with me fretting over my weight and we have a powder keg here. My normal coping mechanism of eating is no longer an option. Fortunately, I've only had a couple of times when I wanted to eat, so I've been able to control that. The problem is that I'm finding that I want to hit someone instead! You know, really sock it to 'em - knock the crap out of 'em! But, I can't do that either. Can I?
Perhaps I should take up boxing?
This is somewhat comical to me since I'm such a non-violent person! Like right now, right this minute, if someone were to come up and ask me a dumb question (which is an hourly occurance) I'd like to just pop 'em one. Even if it was just to flick them with my finger . . .
Okay, now I'm laughing at myself. Could you imagine the look on their face? LOL!
Gee, I feel better now. This blog thing really is useful!
All right, back to work for me since the pile isn't getting any smaller. I promise I won't hit anyone. . . today . . . LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Week #14: Recommitment Time
04/23/2006
Did you wonder where I was yesterday? Well, let me tell you . . .
DH decided that it was time to purchase an XBOX 360. Now, you would think that once you purchased the system and a few games, that you were pretty much done, right? WRONG! In order to hook the thing up to our home entertainment system, you have to remove wires, replace wires, move furniture, reposition components, etc. That also meant we had to decide where to put the old XBOX, which meant two other rooms suddenly came into play. Then, to add another element to the mix, DH decided that he wanted XBOX Live.
So, I spent most of the morning learning how to set up a wireless network in my house and going shopping for the necessary equipment. Once I had all that, I had to do some stuff to my PC then start working on all the equipment. DH even had to modify the entertainment center. So, you can imagine how full that day was.
There are two things that will cause DH and I to fight - one is hanging wallpaper and the other is dealing with our entertainment system.
Surprisingly, it went VERY smoothly and no one was called any names. WOO HOO!
Now, you may have noticed in the results section on the right that, once again, I posted no loss. Yep, that's right.
So, I decided that maybe it was time to take a look at what I've been doing the last few weeks and see where there was room for improvement. Right away I recognized that I have not been consistent with exercise. Also, since I had a client in town last week, there were a few meals eaten out. For two of those meals I did NOT make good choices. Also, I have only been drinking the minimum 64 oz of water lately whereas I use to get in 128 oz.
Therefore, yesterday morning was "Recommitment Time." Starting yesterday, I decided that I would:
1. Exercise every morning like I was doing back in January and February.
2. Consume a minimum of 100 oz of water each day.
3. Stick to the diet plan 100%.
I'm tired of being over 200 pounds. Yes, that's still a milestone goal for me, but I've decided to not focus on it anymore. I've decided to look beyond that 200 mark and start focusing on 181, which is the official half way mark. I also told DH to not tie his quitting smoking to my weight loss. I think that may have been putting pressure on me that I didn't need. (Besides, if he wants to quit smoking, then he should do it for himself, not for me, right?) I'll lose the weight with time when my body is ready to, and having those extra "goals" seem to be more of a negative than a positive incentive for me. I'm happier in my body right now that I have been in a very long time and I'm looking forward to getting even happier.
With friendship,
Care'
Did you wonder where I was yesterday? Well, let me tell you . . .
DH decided that it was time to purchase an XBOX 360. Now, you would think that once you purchased the system and a few games, that you were pretty much done, right? WRONG! In order to hook the thing up to our home entertainment system, you have to remove wires, replace wires, move furniture, reposition components, etc. That also meant we had to decide where to put the old XBOX, which meant two other rooms suddenly came into play. Then, to add another element to the mix, DH decided that he wanted XBOX Live.
So, I spent most of the morning learning how to set up a wireless network in my house and going shopping for the necessary equipment. Once I had all that, I had to do some stuff to my PC then start working on all the equipment. DH even had to modify the entertainment center. So, you can imagine how full that day was.
There are two things that will cause DH and I to fight - one is hanging wallpaper and the other is dealing with our entertainment system.
Surprisingly, it went VERY smoothly and no one was called any names. WOO HOO!
Now, you may have noticed in the results section on the right that, once again, I posted no loss. Yep, that's right.
So, I decided that maybe it was time to take a look at what I've been doing the last few weeks and see where there was room for improvement. Right away I recognized that I have not been consistent with exercise. Also, since I had a client in town last week, there were a few meals eaten out. For two of those meals I did NOT make good choices. Also, I have only been drinking the minimum 64 oz of water lately whereas I use to get in 128 oz.
Therefore, yesterday morning was "Recommitment Time." Starting yesterday, I decided that I would:
1. Exercise every morning like I was doing back in January and February.
2. Consume a minimum of 100 oz of water each day.
3. Stick to the diet plan 100%.
I'm tired of being over 200 pounds. Yes, that's still a milestone goal for me, but I've decided to not focus on it anymore. I've decided to look beyond that 200 mark and start focusing on 181, which is the official half way mark. I also told DH to not tie his quitting smoking to my weight loss. I think that may have been putting pressure on me that I didn't need. (Besides, if he wants to quit smoking, then he should do it for himself, not for me, right?) I'll lose the weight with time when my body is ready to, and having those extra "goals" seem to be more of a negative than a positive incentive for me. I'm happier in my body right now that I have been in a very long time and I'm looking forward to getting even happier.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Week #13: Back on Track
04/15/2006
I'm happy to report a 1 pound loss this week. I was really hoping to lose another 1.5 on top of that, but, hey, no sense in being greedy, right?
As I mentioned previously, I'm considering a job change. Last week I had lunch with the individual I'd be working for if I were to take the job. (The job is with my former company - same department but different responsibilities). I really like this guy. He reminds me of a previous boss that I really enjoyed working with.
We talked about job responsibilities and everything sounds great. Challenging and interesting with plenty of opportunity for me to grow. In fact, I could probably get my Seibel Certification paid for. We had a brief email exchange about salary and benefits. I mean, I really shot for the stars - not for the moon, because I didn't want to scare them off - but high enough to really get me to consider it. He didn't blink.
This all sounds great, doesn't it? And, it really is! The biggest challenge is that I think I'd feel guilty if I left my current job. I know, I know . . . it's a job. But this company gave me a chance and has paid me pretty well. I get to wear jeans every day, am a team lead, etc. In fact, I'm even being considered for a couple of other positions here. I can pretty much pick which way I want to go.
When I compare the jobs side by side, the new one has a few more perks:
-3 weeks of vacation plus holidays (it's a bank - lol) versus 2 weeks vacation
-AVP title
-Ability to work from home 2 days a week
-Health insurance - I have it now, but not on Vince and Jake. That's an out of pocket expense now.
-Life & disability insurance on me and Vince, as opposed to none.
-401k
-SIGNIFICANTLY less stress.
-No more travel unless it was very unusual.
etc. etc.
I would be giving up:
-Super short drive to work. My current commute is about 12 minutes. It would go up to about 45 minutes.
-Being casual at work. It took a while to get use to, but I sure do like it.
Wow, when you write it out like that it seems pretty obvious . . "suck it up, girl and put on those hose and get in the car!" LOL!
I don't know. I both love and hate my current job, if that makes any sense. It's extremely hectic and crazy and working 80 hours a week will never get the work done. Sometimes that's very exhilirating. Other times it's a big pain in the butt.
Okay . . . so . . . poll time . . .
Current Job?
New Job?
I put my fate in your hands! :)
Care'
I'm happy to report a 1 pound loss this week. I was really hoping to lose another 1.5 on top of that, but, hey, no sense in being greedy, right?
As I mentioned previously, I'm considering a job change. Last week I had lunch with the individual I'd be working for if I were to take the job. (The job is with my former company - same department but different responsibilities). I really like this guy. He reminds me of a previous boss that I really enjoyed working with.
We talked about job responsibilities and everything sounds great. Challenging and interesting with plenty of opportunity for me to grow. In fact, I could probably get my Seibel Certification paid for. We had a brief email exchange about salary and benefits. I mean, I really shot for the stars - not for the moon, because I didn't want to scare them off - but high enough to really get me to consider it. He didn't blink.
This all sounds great, doesn't it? And, it really is! The biggest challenge is that I think I'd feel guilty if I left my current job. I know, I know . . . it's a job. But this company gave me a chance and has paid me pretty well. I get to wear jeans every day, am a team lead, etc. In fact, I'm even being considered for a couple of other positions here. I can pretty much pick which way I want to go.
When I compare the jobs side by side, the new one has a few more perks:
-3 weeks of vacation plus holidays (it's a bank - lol) versus 2 weeks vacation
-AVP title
-Ability to work from home 2 days a week
-Health insurance - I have it now, but not on Vince and Jake. That's an out of pocket expense now.
-Life & disability insurance on me and Vince, as opposed to none.
-401k
-SIGNIFICANTLY less stress.
-No more travel unless it was very unusual.
etc. etc.
I would be giving up:
-Super short drive to work. My current commute is about 12 minutes. It would go up to about 45 minutes.
-Being casual at work. It took a while to get use to, but I sure do like it.
Wow, when you write it out like that it seems pretty obvious . . "suck it up, girl and put on those hose and get in the car!" LOL!
I don't know. I both love and hate my current job, if that makes any sense. It's extremely hectic and crazy and working 80 hours a week will never get the work done. Sometimes that's very exhilirating. Other times it's a big pain in the butt.
Okay . . . so . . . poll time . . .
Current Job?
New Job?
I put my fate in your hands! :)
Care'
Sunday, April 09, 2006
The 200 Pound Troll
04/09/2006
Yesterday I mentioned that the 200 number may be giving me a scare. After some reflection, I think that really may be true.
You see, when I was younger, I remember thinking that I'd NEVER allow myself to reach 200 lbs. That, if for some reason I hit the 199 mark, I'd immediately get myself on track and drop the weight. I envisoned this scary little troll standing at the 200 lb bridge guarding it.
At some point in my life, 200 came and went. I believe that point occured when I was pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant I had lost weight and went from 186 down to around 160. When I found out I was pregnant, I gave in to all those temptations and put on 60 lbs. Pregnant women are supposed to be fat, right? I do remember that, while I was pregnant I truly felt good about my body for the first time in my life. It's like I gave myself permission to be fat.
So you see, during my pregnancy I came up to the 200 lb bridge and decided that the troll wasn't that scary after all. In fact, I belive I enjoyed a nice dinner of pizza and cake with him. He let me pass, of course.
After delivering Jacob I managed to get down below the 200 lb point again, but, since I had fond memories of a great meal with the little troll, I found myself visiting that place often. 202, 198, 204, 196, 208, 195, 210, 190 . . . .
I managed to travel pretty far past that bridge, reaching the 238 point. At 238 I didn't like how I felt. I didn't care so much about how I looked, but I hated the fact that I was tired all the time and couldn't go up a flight of stairs without my heart racing.
I think I blindly traveled from 200 to 238 by constantly reflecting on how my life SHOULD have turned out. I should have married the guy I dated in high school . . . I should have taken that job at the law firm . . . I should have finished my Master's degree . . . you know how it goes. All those "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that make you feel like a failure in your current situation.
I think the first trigger that made me stop from going past 238 was our house fire back on December 18. We were extremely fortunate that we were able to put the fire out ourselves and had only minimal losses, but it still disrupted my life enough to make me think about what I had and where I was. Yes, we don't have a fancy house and we don't drive fancy cars. But, we live in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and a terrific school district. Yes, I have to work for a living as opposed to being a stay-at-home mome, but we don't go hungry and aren't constantly worried about money.
As I kept reflecting on all of this "stuff" that we adults reflect on from time to time, I realized that, if I didn't get control of my weight, then I would be in big trouble health-wise. As I started to lose the 6.5 lbs I would ultimately lose before joining NS, I still found myself thinking about how different my life could be if I had made different decisions. I actually got quite obsessed in trying to track down old friends and boyfriends to see if their lives were better than mine.
Pathectic, isn't it?
It was on a drive home from work one day that I realized what I was doing, and thus began what I'm referring to as my mid-life crisis. Yes, it's early to have a mid-life crisis, but I'm an overachiever.
So, some time in mid-January I realized that I had allowed other people - whether in my life now or in my life previously - to dictate my journey. I decided that I wanted to be in charge. In was around January 14th that I started NS as a way to take control of my health.
With some newfound spunk and a growing spine, I started my journey to return home to good old 135. I was excited. I was motivated. Nothing was going to stop me.
About three weeks ago something started to feel "off". I found myself not following the plan 100%. I found myself not exercising. I found myself eating a little more than I should. I never ditched the plan completely - just did enough to say I was 90% on plan - that's still an A, right?
Now that I've hit the 204 mark, I realize that I'm nervous about the 200 lb troll. Yes, my previous visits have been pleasant, but I don't think that will be the case this time. When I meet him he will offer me pizza and cake, and I'll refuse and have celery and carrots instead. When I ask him if I can pass, he won't let me because he will see in my heart that I will never come back to visit him again. I know there will be a challenge. Will I be able to meet the challenge head on and pass? Will I be strong enough to fight if I have to?
So, here I am today. I've made it to 203.5 and am within walking distance of the 200 lb bridge. I'd like to get to 201.5 because that's an even 30 lbs, but that's so close to the bridge that I know the troll might see me. Part of me wants to run to the bridge and face the challenge head on. Part of me wants to go back to 210 where I was more comfortable.
I know I will face the troll. I must. I just need to figure out how to meet the challenge head on and succeed.
With friendship,
Care'
Yesterday I mentioned that the 200 number may be giving me a scare. After some reflection, I think that really may be true.
You see, when I was younger, I remember thinking that I'd NEVER allow myself to reach 200 lbs. That, if for some reason I hit the 199 mark, I'd immediately get myself on track and drop the weight. I envisoned this scary little troll standing at the 200 lb bridge guarding it.
At some point in my life, 200 came and went. I believe that point occured when I was pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant I had lost weight and went from 186 down to around 160. When I found out I was pregnant, I gave in to all those temptations and put on 60 lbs. Pregnant women are supposed to be fat, right? I do remember that, while I was pregnant I truly felt good about my body for the first time in my life. It's like I gave myself permission to be fat.
So you see, during my pregnancy I came up to the 200 lb bridge and decided that the troll wasn't that scary after all. In fact, I belive I enjoyed a nice dinner of pizza and cake with him. He let me pass, of course.
After delivering Jacob I managed to get down below the 200 lb point again, but, since I had fond memories of a great meal with the little troll, I found myself visiting that place often. 202, 198, 204, 196, 208, 195, 210, 190 . . . .
I managed to travel pretty far past that bridge, reaching the 238 point. At 238 I didn't like how I felt. I didn't care so much about how I looked, but I hated the fact that I was tired all the time and couldn't go up a flight of stairs without my heart racing.
I think I blindly traveled from 200 to 238 by constantly reflecting on how my life SHOULD have turned out. I should have married the guy I dated in high school . . . I should have taken that job at the law firm . . . I should have finished my Master's degree . . . you know how it goes. All those "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that make you feel like a failure in your current situation.
I think the first trigger that made me stop from going past 238 was our house fire back on December 18. We were extremely fortunate that we were able to put the fire out ourselves and had only minimal losses, but it still disrupted my life enough to make me think about what I had and where I was. Yes, we don't have a fancy house and we don't drive fancy cars. But, we live in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and a terrific school district. Yes, I have to work for a living as opposed to being a stay-at-home mome, but we don't go hungry and aren't constantly worried about money.
As I kept reflecting on all of this "stuff" that we adults reflect on from time to time, I realized that, if I didn't get control of my weight, then I would be in big trouble health-wise. As I started to lose the 6.5 lbs I would ultimately lose before joining NS, I still found myself thinking about how different my life could be if I had made different decisions. I actually got quite obsessed in trying to track down old friends and boyfriends to see if their lives were better than mine.
Pathectic, isn't it?
It was on a drive home from work one day that I realized what I was doing, and thus began what I'm referring to as my mid-life crisis. Yes, it's early to have a mid-life crisis, but I'm an overachiever.
So, some time in mid-January I realized that I had allowed other people - whether in my life now or in my life previously - to dictate my journey. I decided that I wanted to be in charge. In was around January 14th that I started NS as a way to take control of my health.
With some newfound spunk and a growing spine, I started my journey to return home to good old 135. I was excited. I was motivated. Nothing was going to stop me.
About three weeks ago something started to feel "off". I found myself not following the plan 100%. I found myself not exercising. I found myself eating a little more than I should. I never ditched the plan completely - just did enough to say I was 90% on plan - that's still an A, right?
Now that I've hit the 204 mark, I realize that I'm nervous about the 200 lb troll. Yes, my previous visits have been pleasant, but I don't think that will be the case this time. When I meet him he will offer me pizza and cake, and I'll refuse and have celery and carrots instead. When I ask him if I can pass, he won't let me because he will see in my heart that I will never come back to visit him again. I know there will be a challenge. Will I be able to meet the challenge head on and pass? Will I be strong enough to fight if I have to?
So, here I am today. I've made it to 203.5 and am within walking distance of the 200 lb bridge. I'd like to get to 201.5 because that's an even 30 lbs, but that's so close to the bridge that I know the troll might see me. Part of me wants to run to the bridge and face the challenge head on. Part of me wants to go back to 210 where I was more comfortable.
I know I will face the troll. I must. I just need to figure out how to meet the challenge head on and succeed.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Week #12 Results: The Big Zero . . .
04/08/2006
Well, it was bound to happen . . . a week with no loss.
SIGH.
I knew the day would come when the scale would mock me with the same number as the week before. I know that the day will come when it will (GASP) show me a larger number than before. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I figured I'd get down to around 175 before this happened.
SIGH.
Okay, so, time for the Polyanna in me to come out . . .
1. I didn't GAIN!
2. I managed to maintain my loss even though I wasn't 100% on plan.
3. I managed to maintain my loss even though I didn't exercise all week long.
4. I didn't GAIN!
5. I still lost inches.
6. I was able to wear an an outfit yesterday that I haven't worn in a year.
7. I didn't GAIN!
8. I received two separate compliments this week on my appearance.
9. I didn't go completely crazy with extras this week despite a pretty rough week.
10. I didn't GAIN!
Okay, so now I need to get up off my butt, put on my workout clothes and hit the treadmill . . . and drink all that water . . . and not eat the extra stuff . . .
SIGH
Okay, time to face the Evil Care' . . .
How come I know what I'm supposed to do but I don't want to do it? Is it possible that being under 200 scares me? I haven't been under 200 lbs in 9 years, and that was after I had been on Phen-Fen and lost a lot of weight. So, if you exclude that brief 3 month period where I was at 160, it's been since 1995 that I've weighed under 200.
I honestly think I'm dreading hitting 200, because that's been such a huge milestone for me. What it basically means is that, once I hit 200, I will have to begin the journey down to my ultimate goal weight. So, from 231.5 to 200 was only 31.5 lbs, and that sure seemed doable (and has very much been doable). But something about going from 200 to 135 sounds so insurmountable. That's 65 lbs! Plus, consider that I've been thinking of changing my goal from 135 to 131.5 to make it an even 100 lb weight loss.
Okay, I realize I'm being a big whiner here.
I realize that I can break up the weight into more manageable "chucks".
I realize that I'm being 100% ridiculious.
But, for some reason, I'm having trouble getting past this.
What that usually means is there is some emotional demon I am about to face and, to be perfectly honest, I just don't want to face another one right now. The last few have left me drained and the thought of going through that again - all the tears, all the doubt, all the pain, makes me just want to EAT. I know I'm a better person having faced those issues, and I know I'll be even better after I face whatever it is that's about to come, but I'm scared, I guess. After you've been through one of those life-changing experiences and you look back on how you use to be, you get kind of disgusted - how could I have thought/felt that way?
I just don't want to THINK right now . . .
SIGH.
So, hold on folks, the next few weeks are gonna be a bumpy ride.
With friendship,
Care'
Well, it was bound to happen . . . a week with no loss.
SIGH.
I knew the day would come when the scale would mock me with the same number as the week before. I know that the day will come when it will (GASP) show me a larger number than before. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I figured I'd get down to around 175 before this happened.
SIGH.
Okay, so, time for the Polyanna in me to come out . . .
1. I didn't GAIN!
2. I managed to maintain my loss even though I wasn't 100% on plan.
3. I managed to maintain my loss even though I didn't exercise all week long.
4. I didn't GAIN!
5. I still lost inches.
6. I was able to wear an an outfit yesterday that I haven't worn in a year.
7. I didn't GAIN!
8. I received two separate compliments this week on my appearance.
9. I didn't go completely crazy with extras this week despite a pretty rough week.
10. I didn't GAIN!
Okay, so now I need to get up off my butt, put on my workout clothes and hit the treadmill . . . and drink all that water . . . and not eat the extra stuff . . .
SIGH
Okay, time to face the Evil Care' . . .
How come I know what I'm supposed to do but I don't want to do it? Is it possible that being under 200 scares me? I haven't been under 200 lbs in 9 years, and that was after I had been on Phen-Fen and lost a lot of weight. So, if you exclude that brief 3 month period where I was at 160, it's been since 1995 that I've weighed under 200.
I honestly think I'm dreading hitting 200, because that's been such a huge milestone for me. What it basically means is that, once I hit 200, I will have to begin the journey down to my ultimate goal weight. So, from 231.5 to 200 was only 31.5 lbs, and that sure seemed doable (and has very much been doable). But something about going from 200 to 135 sounds so insurmountable. That's 65 lbs! Plus, consider that I've been thinking of changing my goal from 135 to 131.5 to make it an even 100 lb weight loss.
Okay, I realize I'm being a big whiner here.
I realize that I can break up the weight into more manageable "chucks".
I realize that I'm being 100% ridiculious.
But, for some reason, I'm having trouble getting past this.
What that usually means is there is some emotional demon I am about to face and, to be perfectly honest, I just don't want to face another one right now. The last few have left me drained and the thought of going through that again - all the tears, all the doubt, all the pain, makes me just want to EAT. I know I'm a better person having faced those issues, and I know I'll be even better after I face whatever it is that's about to come, but I'm scared, I guess. After you've been through one of those life-changing experiences and you look back on how you use to be, you get kind of disgusted - how could I have thought/felt that way?
I just don't want to THINK right now . . .
SIGH.
So, hold on folks, the next few weeks are gonna be a bumpy ride.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Week #11 Results: Some Stats
04/01/2006
Ready for some exciting stats?
Another 2.5 lbs gone!
Another mini-goal met!
Total loss of 27.5 lbs!
BMI has dropped by 4.7 points!
2.5 inches lost in bust!
5 inches lost in waist!
.75 inches lost in arm!
3.75 inches lost in thigh!
4 inches lost in hips!
Wow! Am I thrilled or what? Nothing like some great stats to fuel you for the long haul! I am so excited to be within 4 lbs of the 200 mark. Vince promised me that he would quit smoking once I hit 199, so I'm super-motivated to hit that goal ASAP. If I keep dropping 2.5 lbs every week like I have the last few weeks, then that's only 2 weeks away.
Today we are celebrating Jacob's 8th birthday, and tomorrow I have to work all day :(. So, this weekend will be a busy one for me.
I'll write more later when I don't have an 8-year-old standing next to me saying "Can we go, now, huh? huh? Can we go?" LOL!
With friendship,
Care
Ready for some exciting stats?
Another 2.5 lbs gone!
Another mini-goal met!
Total loss of 27.5 lbs!
BMI has dropped by 4.7 points!
2.5 inches lost in bust!
5 inches lost in waist!
.75 inches lost in arm!
3.75 inches lost in thigh!
4 inches lost in hips!
Wow! Am I thrilled or what? Nothing like some great stats to fuel you for the long haul! I am so excited to be within 4 lbs of the 200 mark. Vince promised me that he would quit smoking once I hit 199, so I'm super-motivated to hit that goal ASAP. If I keep dropping 2.5 lbs every week like I have the last few weeks, then that's only 2 weeks away.
Today we are celebrating Jacob's 8th birthday, and tomorrow I have to work all day :(. So, this weekend will be a busy one for me.
I'll write more later when I don't have an 8-year-old standing next to me saying "Can we go, now, huh? huh? Can we go?" LOL!
With friendship,
Care
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