Week #41: Half Way There

10/28/2006

Today marks the half-way point in my weight loss journey. That's right. Half way. Just a few months ago I didn't think I'd make it here, although I did try to hang in there and not go backwards.

At the half-way point I find that my drive to finish has only strengthened. After all, I came this far. Why stop now?

I find that I am actually enjoying exercise. I have a 5K under my belt and am training for the next one. I'm considering a 10K and am looking ahead to a half marathon. Yes, a marathon is in my future. I know it is.

I find that I actually enjoy eating salads, eating veggies, and drinking water. I like to eat and drink healthy because I like the way it makes me feel - strong, healthy, in control. This from a person that couldn't go two days without a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.

I find that I am enjoying life more. Yeah, there are people in this world that are a pain in the ass, but they don't bother me as much any more.

I find that my relationship with my son and my husband is better. It's because I am better. It's because I like myself now.

I find that I enjoy feeling the muscles in my legs and love that my behind is smaller.

I find that I enjoy shopping for clothes now, and even try to buy stuff that shows off my figure, rather than hiding it.

Yes, I still have a journey ahead of me. I still am overweight. I still need to strengthen and tone.

But, you know what? I'm doing it. Yeah, I really am doing it.







With friendship,

Care'

My First 5K

10/21/2006

Yeah, you heard me. I ran my very first 5K today. My legs are pretty sore this afternoon and my head is swollen from how proud I am of myself, but other than that I feel great! I even managed to complete the race in 47:59 - 3:01 FASTER than my goal. Yeah, I know that's pretty slow, but it's only slightly slower than when I run on the treadmill at home. The course ending up being mostly uphill and it was tough weaving through all the walkers, but it was still a wonderful experience. The weather was perfect for running.

I can't wait to do another one. Only this time I want to run the whole thing!

I haven't even weighed yet, so I'll have to do that tomorrow (had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to make the race.) Now, with running 3.1 miles today the scale had BETTER be friendly - LOL!

With friendship,

Care'

Week #39: Some Changes

10/15/2006

My official weigh-in yesterday has me down another 2 pounds. That means I'm only 2 pounds away from the overall half-way point. I'm thrilled! Also, my first 5K is coming up on Saturday. I'm very excited. Unfortunately I won't be able to run the full 3 miles since I had some setbacks during training. But, my plan is to run at least 2 miles and complete the race in under 51 minutes. I told Vince last night that I'm going to use this one for experience and that I plan to sign up for another one very soon. Then, I want to start training for a 10K.

I have to tell you . . . I am really enjoying the feel of muscles in my legs and the fact that my butt is smaller. I'm ready for other parts of my body to start toning up, which ties in to the title of my post.

I decided last week that I need to add some sort of weight training to my exercise plan. Yes, I do the resistance training with the bands, but it isn't hard enough, if that makes sense. I've decided I want a personal trainer, but I dodn't want to spend the money (after all, I need to fix my house - LOL!) So, I searched the Interent and found a 13 week training plan that didn't cost too much and that you do from home.

Let me tell you, that first night I only managed to do one set of each exercise in each circuit. I wasn't working too hard because I wanted to get the "feel" of the exercise and make sure I understood the technique. Well, it kicked my butt anyway, which was very exciting. I think I may have found something that will produce the results I want. The plan also came with a diet that fits very nicely with the NS plan. I basically add one more fat serving and eliminate one carb serving, which I started doing on Wednesday.

It just seems so strange that I actually want to exercise and eat healthy, and that I am spending my time researching and planning for both. Just a year ago I thought the only way to get fit was through surgery, and I was seriously contemplating it. Just months ago I was ready to give up and just maintain my loss. Now I find myself in a completely different situation. It's almost as if I found the light switch after being in the dark for so many years.

The truth is that I've finally taken the time to sort through and resolve the various emotional issues in my life. The truth is that I didn't like myself very much and used my weight to keep people away so I wouldn't get hurt. As I've worked though the past hurts and disappointments, I've found that I really am a good person and I have a right to enjoy life. And if anyone has a problem with that or doesn't want to be part of it, that's his or her tough luck. I'm not going to let other people's emotional issues interfere with my life anymore. Yes, there are still some things to sort through and I know those are going to be the hardest because they have the deepest scars. But, I know that dealing with them will make me a more healthy person - physically and mentally.

So, I guess I'm at the fork in the road on this journey. I can keep doing what I've been doing, or I can take a turn and travel the more challenging path.

I choose the more challenging path.

With friendship,

Care'

Week #38: Hello 190s, My Old Friend

10/08/06

Yep, that's right. I'm back up a pound to 190.5. I know why. I deserve it. But I don't feel sorry for myself. No way. It just makes me more determined to get it right back off.

You see, something has finally clicked in my brain.

One thing a lot of overweight people struggle with is the thought of keeping off the weight once they lose it. Once you get past the "can I lose it" anxiety, the next logical thought is "will I be able to keep it off." I conquered "can I lose it" a while back - hell yeah, I can and I am. But, the "will I be able to keep it off" was a little harder to get past.

Well, I'm past it now.

I know I will be able to keep it off. Yes, the scale is going to boune from time to time - that's normal. (DID YOU HEAR ME??? I said that's NORMAL! LOL!)

Over the last 38 weeks I've learned portion control, how to build a balanced diet and how much exercise my body needs. I've also learned that I can have an off-plan meal from time to time without it causing a five-pound weight gain. So, what's the big deal? It means that I'm officially no longer on a diet. Instead, I've just changed my lifestyle.

It's funny when you move from a diet mindset to a lifestyle mindset. Suddenly exercise feels empowering rather than being something you dread. Suddenly food becomes fuel and nutrition rather than something you have to think (i.e. obsess) about. Suddenly water becomes refreshing rather than a liquid you have to choke down. The opposite is true as well. Passing by a fast food joint makes the stomach roll. Too many sodas leave you more thirsty than before. Not exercising for a few days leaves you feeling down.

So, I'm visiting the 190s this weekend, but plan to go back home to the 180s right away. After all, I have a date with the 170s I need to keep.

With friendship,

Care'

Week #37: Interesting Discovery

10/01/2006

Emily's comment on my last post was the kick in the butt I needed. I have a tendency to look back on only the last few days and base everything on those days. For example, if I've been 100% on plan for the last week, then I forget that I wasn't 100% the week before. This works both ways. If I was off plan for a few days, then I beat myself up for never being on plan.

After Emily posted her comment, I pulled every food diary that I've been keeping since the beginning of this journey and studied them for several hours. What I found was interesting.

It seems my body doesn't reflect loss or gain for at least a week after the event. So, for example, if I eat a piece of cake today today (Sunday), then my body won't register it until next Sunday. This works in reverse too - a great day today will show up on the scale next week.

So, this past week I started at 190 and then saw the scale creep back up to 192.5. What I saw when I looked back on the week before was that I wasn't making the best choices for a few days. In fact, the day where the scale peaked matched the day from the prior week where I didn't exercise, drink all my water, and indulged in dessert during a department luncheon.

Strange, isn't it?

I then went back and re-looked at my food diaries from the very beginning - back in January & February - when I was new to NS and was really on top of the plan. It's a little harder to see the trend there, because I followed the plan so closely that I consistently lost every week.

Hmmmm.

These last few months during which I've been in the 190s have shown me doing two things - either being 100% on everything or 100% on nothing. At times it made me question if there was something psychologically going on causing me to not want to lose the weight. I see now that it's not that. Instead it is my tendency to give up when things aren't perfect. (I have a very long history of this - piano lessons, guitar lessons, court reporting school, sports, etc. I've tried a thousand things and, when I'm not perfect right away, I move onto something else.) Once again my evil perfectionist personality has reared its ugly head. (But at least I know what I'm dealing with now!)

So, this got me thinking. As a member of several boards and a reader of many blogs, I know there are a lot of us out there that are frustrated with the rate in which we are or are not losing. We've tried different diets, different exercise methods, different water amounts - you name it. What does that mean? Well, it shows that each and every one of us wants to lose the weight and is commited to doing so. That in and of itself is proof that we will succeed. It also shows that consistency is more important than anything.

Yeah, yeah, you've heard that before, right? I know . . . it sounds cliche to me too. But, reviewing my food journals have proven this to be true in my case.

So, the next time I slip up and eat off plan or blow off exercise for the day, I won't start mixing things up when I see the scale go up the following week. Instead I'll keep doing what I'm supposed to do - one day at a time; one meal at a time.

After all, my food diary from the beginning proves that it will work.

Oh, I almost forgot - I weighed in at 189.5 this week!

With friendship,

Care'