Week #32: Putting it All Together

08/27/06

First, the weigh in results. No loss. No gain. 192.5 seems to be a number my body likes. But you know what? I've only been back on the NS foods for a couple of days, so I'm sure next week will show better results.

Second, the exercise results. I started the Couch-to-5K plan last week. (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). I was hesitant to admit that was what I was doing, but you know what? It's time I did so that someone is holding me accountable. I actually started it 2 weeks ago, but didn't do so well the first week. This week, however was a success! I am in week 2 of the plan now and am pretty excited to see my progress. There is a 5K coming up in October that I'd like to do. Now I have a goal! I have always wanted to be a runner, and I'm happy to say I'm making steps in that direction.

Third, the food results. My NS food arrived on Wednesday, so I started on Thursday. Thursday was perfect. Friday was not-so-perfect. I did great for everything but lunch. It was one of those last minute things for which I didn't get to plan, so I caved and had something I shouldn't have. But, I didn't let that get me down and immediately got back on plan. Saturday was 100% perfect and today is 100% perfect so far. So, I'm SURE the scale will budge for me. IT BETTER! LOL!

Fourth, my mid-life crisis update. The good news is that I feel like I'm moving forward again. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I'm glad to be taking steps again. For a few months I was stuck in limbo. I hate being in limbo. I'm still scared about what the end result will be, but I'm ready to get there.

Fifth, a job update. I've officially been on the new job for 2 weeks. This last week was really good (except for Monday - see previous post) and I'm starting to get busy. That helps. I hate not being busy. So, already I feel like I'm adding value. I do miss my old job a lot. In fact, I gave a couple of the guys a call last week to say hello and to make sure they hadn't forgotten about my going-away party (thanks, Bob!). There are still times when I want to run back to the old job, but I try to take it day by day. I am enjoying the fact that I'm not having to kill myself right now by working a ton of hours.

Sixth, a kiddo update. Jake started 3rd grade this month. He's complaining about the length of the day, but is otherwise happy. He likes his new teacher and he's enjoying the material. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this year is a huge success.

Seventh, a hubby update. Vince has decided that he wants to go to culinary school, so he is in the process of figuring out where he wants to go. It's probably a year off because we want to get the house repairs done first.

Eight, speaking of home repairs . . . the leak is fixed and sheet rock has been hung in the bedroom. We're still sleeping in the living room because Vince hates it. (I figure that will help motivate him to get the rest of the repairs done ASAP). We haven't made much progress in the last two weekends, but are planning a big push for the upcoming holiday weekend.

Ninth, my next weight goal. It's been a long time since I've set a mini-goal, so it's time to do it again. My next mini-goal is 190. Yeah, the difference between 192.5 and 190 is not much, but I typically do 5 pound increments and this helps make the math easier - LOL!

I'm trying to think of a tenth thing, but my mind is blank. I guess that's a sign that it's time to sign off.

With friendship,

Care'

Trip from Hell

08/22/2006

I was typing this in an email for my mom who was innocent enough to ask, "How was your trip to Chicago?" I'm sure she wasn't prepared for the respose.

Anywho, I thought you guys would enjoy my perils, so have a good laugh at my expense. For me, the crying has finally stopped and I am starting to see the humor in the situation . . .

1. Had to leave Sunday morning.
2. Plane delayed.
3. Sat next to woman who got air sick for the entire trip.
4. Rental car not ready upon arrival.
5. Got lost on way to hotel.
6. Get to hotel - smoking room, even though non-smoking specified.
7. Decide to have wine from the honor bar. No wine opener.
8. Have room service bring up wine opener. Can't get cork out. Manage to push crumbled cork into bottle.
9. Drank two glasses of wine with cork. Yum.
10. Forgot to call hubby to wake him up. Fortunately, kid was not late to school.
11. Got lost on way to seminar.
12. Could not find parking.
13. Decided to just park and walk the rest of the way.
14. Managed to get lost while walking. Turned 4 block trip into 1.5 mile trip (if I had known, I would not have gotten up at 5:30 to run for 1.5 miles).
15. Hurt foot while wandering aimlessley in downtown Chicago. Now limping and lost.
16. Finally find seminar. Check in. Receptionist sends me to wrong room.
17. Get to right room (could they have put my class any further away from the bathrooms?)
18. Room is freezing, and I did remember to bring a jacket - that's how freaking cold it was.
19. Developed case of diarreha, so in and out of class - while limping, mind you.
20. Get out of class early (thank goodness).
21. Find car without getting lost (luck is turning around).
22. Get lost trying to find expressway.
23. Find expressway - but in wrong lane to get on.
24. Try to turnaround. Street turns into a dead-end parking lot.
25. Try to back out of parking lot - not working. Pull into teeny-tiny space to turn around.
26. Back into concrete planters while turning around.
27. Make circle to get back on expressway. Didn't work.
28. Make bigger circle to get back on expressway. Worked (horray, although I'm about to cry).
29. Got lost on way to aiport.
30. Got back on track, but get lost AGAIN. (NEVER drive in Chicago).
31. Got flipped off twice.
32. Got flipped off again. This time I flip back.
33. Find rental car return after a 2 hour trip, but manage to go the wrong way.
34. Got flipped off again. (Beginning to think it's Chicogo's residents' way of saying "hello")
35. Get rental car dropped off (guy didn't notice any damage from step 26 above - woo hoo!)
36. Get on rental car shuttle. Hobble over to a seat because foot is killing me. Shuttle is crowded. Lady manages to step on my hurt foot three times.
37. I flip off lady. She doesn't step on foot again.
38. Get to airport. Manage to successfully check in.
39. Wait in line to get luggage inspected. Machine breaks. Have to take luggage to other side of terminal (still limping).
40. Wait in line for luggage inspection (20 minute wait).
41. Hobble over to security. Line is LONG because machine breaks. (What is it with machinery in this airport?) Picture 500 travelers trying to go through one security line.
42. Get through security.
43. Go to Chili's since I have a very long wait until boarding. Order margarita - I deserve one, right? Waitress spills drink on me.
44. Eat dinner (which is cold, but I don't complain for fear of having something else dumped on me).
45. Hobble over to gate (could it be any further away from security? Nope, it can't. Last freaking gate in terminal).
46. Sit down at gate.
47. Foot gets run over by passerby.
48. Hobble over to new seat. Open book to read. Book sucks.
49. Hobble over to gift shop to buy new book. Clerk won't let me in - thinks I'm drunk (could that be because I'm limping and smell like tequilla?)
50. Hobble to next gift shop and successfully buy book.
51. Hobble back to gate. Sit down and start reading (finally).
52. Plane delayed 15 minutes.
53. Plane delayed 30 minutes.
54. Plane delayed 45 minutes.
55. Plane finally boards. Full flight. Get seated next to gentleman who has no concept of personal space or hygiene.
56. Plane lands. Limp off of plane and wait 30 minutes to get luggage.
57. Get luggage - go outside to wait for courtesy van to take me to my car.
58. 15 minute wait.
59. Get car. Check out - receipt flys out of machine and across parking lot. Receipt is for over $20, so I need it to get reimbursed.
60. Pull over. Chase parking receipt across parking lot (remember, I'm limping).
61. Get receipt. Get back in car. Drive home.
62. Get home at 1:00 a.m. Set alarm for 6.00 a.m. and pass out.

Don't you just LOVE travel?

Care'

NSVs

08/20/2006

Just a quick post because I'm about to head to the airport (again!) and won't have Internet access for a couple of days.

I have two WONDERFUL non-sale victories to share. Since it's been a while, I'm doubly excited.

Since I've started the new "old" job, I have to dress professionally again. I noticed this week that my clothing was hanging off of me. I mean, embarassingly so. For some reason I thought that all this stuff would still fit.

Anyway, I had to get some new hose. Now, ladies, are you ready for this? I no longer have to buy the "Just My Size" hose. I can actually buy the regular ones! Yeah, I'm still a size Q, but at least I'm not that dreaded 3X anymore.

Also, I needed to get some new clothes. After all, how can you climb the career ladder if your pants are falling off? I walked into a store and immediately paniced. I wasn't sure what size I was. I use to be a 20-22. So, I picked up a size 18 suit and a size 16 suit and headed to the dressing room. Imagine my surprise when I was swimming in the 18. Then, I tried the 16. STILL TOO BIG!

NO FREAKING WAY!

So, I had the sales lady grab me a 14. I didn't think it would fit, but it did! So, I bought a few outfits last night in a size 14.

14!

It's been at least 5 years since I was a 14.

The hard part was limiting myself to buying only a few things. After all, I don't plan to be a 14 for much longer.

With friendship,

Care'

Week #31: Back on Track - Again!

08/19/2006

I'm back on track.

Those 2 pounds that had snuck back on are officially gone. And this time, they are gone for good!

I really did well this week - worked out twice and stayed on plan. I even did much better on water. And you know what? I feel better! The plan this week is to exercise three times, be more consistent with water and stay on plan 100%. Hopefully I'll see the weight dropping off fast again when my food arrives. I plan to order it today!

I started the new job this week. The verdict is still out. I miss my old co-workers terribly. Of course, when you work as many hours as you do with your co-workers, I guess that's to be expected. It probably doesn't help that I'm a little overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Overwhelmed by the number of things that I'd like to get accomplished in the new position, but underwhelmed because the pace is pretty slow. So, we'll see. I'm sure I'll adjust soon.

In the meantime, I'm using the down time to focus on ME again and to make sure I am truly back on track.

With friendship,

Care'

Week #30: It's Time

08/13/2006

It's time.

Last week I posted about how I knew it was time to recommit, but I wasn't quite ready to yet. Well, I'm ready now.

I'm sick of seeing the scale bounce between 192.5 and 195.

I'm sick of feeling fat again.

I'm sick of knowing what I'm supposed to do, but not doing it.

I'm sick of feeling tired.

I'm sick of feeling depressed.

I'm sick of knowing that something better is out there for me and that I just need to reach for it.

I'm sick of being in limbo about my relationship with my dad.

I'm sick of not knowing who I am.

I'm sick of not embracing life - of holding back because I'm so scared of rejection.

I'm sick of not being as physically strong and fit as I know I can be.

I'm sick of being out of control.

It's time for me to get back in control.

It's time for me to be strong.

It's time for me to feel energetic and fit.

It's time for me to feel empowered and confident in who I am.

It's time for me to either repair or discard the relationships with my family that have haunted me all my life.

It's time for me to embrace life and accept the wonderful things that are out there for me. No more rejecting love and appreciation for others.

It's time for me to be accountable again - to myself and to my fellow losers.

It's time for me to be me.

With friendship,

Care'

Five Weird Things About Me

I've been tagged by Melissa!

Rules: The player of this game starts with "Five weird things/habits about yourself". In the end you need to choose five people to be tagged and list their names. The people who get tagged need to write a blog entry about their five weird things/habits, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag five more victims. Don't forget to leave your victim a comment that says "you're tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I'll start with the strangest one of all. Have you ever squirted some dish soap into your kitchen sink and then turned on the water to clean up? You rinse the bubbles out and you're all done, right? A few hours later you turn on the dishwasher which causes the bubbles to rise back into the sink and sort of "breath . . . ." Um, yeah, that freaks me out. When I was preggo, it would make me barf.

2. Speaking of preggo . . . I developed super-human smell when I was pregnant with Jacob. I could smell things a mile away. I remember one time I smelled a can of stain that had been opened on the other side of the building where they were doing construction. I STILL have my super-human sense of smell. No one is safe blowing gas around me. You WILL be busted.

3. I'm a huge heavy metal fan. What's so weird about that? We'll it doesn't add up when you look at me. I'm ultra-conservative and dress like a banker. I just don't seem the type to show up at a White Zombie concert. Oh, and when I do show up they usually think I'm a nark . . . just because my socks match my shirt . . .

4. I'm a clean FREAK! I cannot STAND dirt. Most people think my desk at work is unoccupied because it is so clean. (Now, if you are up-to-date on my house situation, you can imagine that I'm about at my wits end.)

5. Now this is really weird. I constantly refer to myself as being weird, but I cannot think of a 5th thing. I seriously pondered this over the last 24 hours. (Maybe that's weird?)

Now, time to tag some other weird people. I choose Emily, Diane, Jesi, Karon and Neil.

With friendship,

Care'

Week #29: Comfortable?

08/06/2006

Quick Update: The scale moved in the right direction! Down a pound! HORRAY!

Now for the real topic today . . . .

Warning: Changing to self-reflection mode now . . .

Last Friday I was catching up on everyone's blogs and I noticed a consistent theme. It seems like we're all re-dedicating ourselves to our program and making some serious commitments. I need to do that too, but something is holding me back. After careful reflection, I think I know what it is.

For the first time that I can remember, I am no longer hearing those nagging voices of what I "should" and "should not" do in regards to how I dress, where I work, what I do, etc. etc. (Yeah, there's still the voice that tells me what I should and shouldn't eat, but at least it's MY voice now.)

And, I must say that it's been blissfully comfortable.

You see, that's the problem. I'm comfortable.

I've lost a lot of weight, (39 on NS and 45.5 total), and I feel pretty good about where I am now. Yeah, I'm not at goal, but I no longer lose my breath when I climb a flight of stairs. I eat so much better than what I use to - I can't tell you when it was that I last had a french fry.

You see, about 8 weeks ago I noticed a change. I was no longer setting mini-goals for myself. I was no longer fanitical about getting up every morning to exercise.

I'm comfy, you see.

I've found that by continuing to eat a balanced diet with very few cheats, I can easily maintain my comfortable weight.

Oh, so comfy.

So, if I'm so comfortable, why don't I stop?

I don't want to stop because I'm still overweight and I want to lose more. I want to feel really healthy. I mean, if losing 45 pounds makes me feel comfortable, how will losing the rest make me feel? Freaking awesome, I'm sure.

I want to feel awesome.

What's holding me back? What's keeping me from making the commitment? What's forcing me to hide behind the excuse of house problems, job antics, kid activities, etc?

I think it's BECAUSE I am comfortable.

You see, this entire journey has been about more than just a number on a scale. This has been about finding out who Care' is. What does she want? What are her views and opinions? What are her values? What are her dreams?

It's almost like the slate has been wiped clean, and it's a great feeling. But now I realize that it's time to write stuff on the slate again - my values, my opinions, my dreams. But I'm a little scared. It's taken 36 years to get that damn slate clean, and I want to make sure whatever I put there is right.

Plus, what if I find out that my dreams don't mesh with the important people in my life? What happens if something I determine I value causes a rift in an important relationship?

Hmmmm, it doesn't sound like I'm all that comfortable, does it?

That's probably the REAL reason why I haven't given up yet.

It's taken a couple of months, but I now recognize that it's time for me to make the commitment to myself, regardless of the risks and consequences. I know I'd rather go through the rest of my life knowing who I am and what I stand for, than spend it in the neutral zone.

It's time for me to embrace myself so that I can embrace life.

It's time for me to get uncomfortable.

With friendship,

Care'