09/27/2006
Warning . . . I'm incredibly pissed right now . . .
In the spirt of removing the "toxins" from my attitude, I have decided to do what seems to help me the most - write about it. Feel free to comment and point out where I can improve, or tell me just to shut up. I can use some tough love right now.
If I step on the scale one more freaking time and see a number higher than 189.5 I think I am going to SCREAM. On Sunday I was down to 190. I was thrilled. Monday showed 191. Okay, not too bad. Wednesday showed 192.5! DAMN IT! This would all be acceptable if I had not been perfect on the diet, water and exercise front. I've been on the treadmill every day since Saturday and even added resistance training on Monday and Tuesday. I have been 100% on the NS plan since last Thursday (not one single cheat, mind you) and have been 110% with the water by taking in more than 8 glasses.
When I exercise I am getting very frustrated. My desire on what I want to do exceeds what my body will allow me to do. It's like I really want to push myself further, but my body is letting me down. Last night I twisted my ankle when I was running, so I had to stop. I'm fine and will be back on the treadmill tonight, but it really angered me that I had to stop after only 20 minutes. I feel like I can run forever but my legs would probably blow out.
I know where I want to get, but I can't get there.
So, what can I do to get the scale to move?
Yes, I am seeing the inches melt away. I am feeling muscle starting to form, and my butt is definately smaller than it used to be. But when I look in the mirror I see the flabby skin under my arms, the rolls that are still around my mid section, and the hail damage on my butt and thighs. (How is it that I never saw this before?)
Am I just being too hard on myself? Or, is it that I finally am being hard on myself for the first time in my life and am having trouble adjusting?
I am afraid that I've hit the wall. Look on the right . . . I've been in the 190s for a VERY long time. TOO LONG.
Am I going to be a size 2 and still weigh 190 pounds? Is that even possible?
I know you should measure weight loss by things other than the number on the scale, but we would be lying to ourselves if we didn't agree that the number on the scale is important to us.
Okay . . . rant off.
Hit me with your comments, please.
Care'
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Week #36: Just a bit more . . .
09/24/2006
And I can kiss the 190s goodbye! You can imagine how excited I was to see 190 this morning, and the scale was flashing 189.5! I think the last two days have really made a difference.
Yes, I've talked about recommiting in the past, but I really did it this time. Yesterday I worked out for 71 minutes on the treadmill and burned around 500 calories. That's more than double what I typically do. After doing that yesterday morning, there was no way in hell I was going to put something off plan in my mouth. Plus, I was dang thirsty, so the water was not a problem at all. So, in a few minutes I plan to get back on the treadmill again to burn another 500 calories. I'm DETERMINED, to see the 180s this month, darn it!
On another topic, I had lunch yesterday with about 10 of my NS friends. It was great fun, as always. You know, I've always had a hard time making friends and tend to avoid group gatherings. But I immediately clicked with this group back in April when we first met. It's almost like you know them already because you already understand their struggles.
With friendship,
Care'
And I can kiss the 190s goodbye! You can imagine how excited I was to see 190 this morning, and the scale was flashing 189.5! I think the last two days have really made a difference.
Yes, I've talked about recommiting in the past, but I really did it this time. Yesterday I worked out for 71 minutes on the treadmill and burned around 500 calories. That's more than double what I typically do. After doing that yesterday morning, there was no way in hell I was going to put something off plan in my mouth. Plus, I was dang thirsty, so the water was not a problem at all. So, in a few minutes I plan to get back on the treadmill again to burn another 500 calories. I'm DETERMINED, to see the 180s this month, darn it!
On another topic, I had lunch yesterday with about 10 of my NS friends. It was great fun, as always. You know, I've always had a hard time making friends and tend to avoid group gatherings. But I immediately clicked with this group back in April when we first met. It's almost like you know them already because you already understand their struggles.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Week #35: Up a Half a Pound, But Celebrating Anyway
09/17/2006
While it appears that I may weigh in the 190s FOREVER, I'm still pretty happy this week. I had a HUGE non-scale victory. You see, I have a shirt that only comes out every now and then for me to put on, sigh at how it shows the rolls of fat on my back, and then immediately take it back off. Last Friday I realized I was behind on laundry and needed a top to wear. Knowing that I wasn't leaving the house, I decided I could ignore the rolls for a few hours while I did the wash. I put the shirt on, put a grimmace on my face, and turned to check out my back side in the mirror. You know what? The rolls were GONE!
I NO LONGER HAVE BACK FAT! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided to check out other areas to see how they were improving. The stomach (my biggest problem area) is still the worst part. But, I'm able to see my toes when I look down now. Also, I'm starting to see my c-section scar. While that may not sound like something to celebrate on the surface, it means that the roll on my stomach is starting to disappear. (Yeah, I know - TMI!).
The buns are also starting to firm up. Cool.
I decided to take my measurements - something I hadn't done in a while. Amazing! I've lost 19 inches since I began this journey. That's about the size of my son's head! (Which explains why the pants I bought about six weeks ago are already getting baggy.) I decided to start taking measurements once a week so I'd have something besides the scale to mark progress.
And, on the exercise front, I'm doing great. No, I'm not running a full 5K yet, but I'm on my way. I'm actually starting to look forward to my runs. GASP! Yeah, they are still hard and sometimes I feel like I'm actually going to fall over dead while I'm running, but I always survive and it feels terrific.
So, that pretty much sums up what's going on with me. The scale is still evil, but I'm making new friends with the treadmill and the tape measure.
With friendship,
Care'
While it appears that I may weigh in the 190s FOREVER, I'm still pretty happy this week. I had a HUGE non-scale victory. You see, I have a shirt that only comes out every now and then for me to put on, sigh at how it shows the rolls of fat on my back, and then immediately take it back off. Last Friday I realized I was behind on laundry and needed a top to wear. Knowing that I wasn't leaving the house, I decided I could ignore the rolls for a few hours while I did the wash. I put the shirt on, put a grimmace on my face, and turned to check out my back side in the mirror. You know what? The rolls were GONE!
I NO LONGER HAVE BACK FAT! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided to check out other areas to see how they were improving. The stomach (my biggest problem area) is still the worst part. But, I'm able to see my toes when I look down now. Also, I'm starting to see my c-section scar. While that may not sound like something to celebrate on the surface, it means that the roll on my stomach is starting to disappear. (Yeah, I know - TMI!).
The buns are also starting to firm up. Cool.
I decided to take my measurements - something I hadn't done in a while. Amazing! I've lost 19 inches since I began this journey. That's about the size of my son's head! (Which explains why the pants I bought about six weeks ago are already getting baggy.) I decided to start taking measurements once a week so I'd have something besides the scale to mark progress.
And, on the exercise front, I'm doing great. No, I'm not running a full 5K yet, but I'm on my way. I'm actually starting to look forward to my runs. GASP! Yeah, they are still hard and sometimes I feel like I'm actually going to fall over dead while I'm running, but I always survive and it feels terrific.
So, that pretty much sums up what's going on with me. The scale is still evil, but I'm making new friends with the treadmill and the tape measure.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Week #34: Wow . . . 34 weeks?
09/10/2006
As I was typing in the title of the post I had to stop for a moment. 34 weeks? 34 weeks! That's a long time considering the average life of any diet in the past has been about 10 weeks. Yeah, I've had my ups and downs, but I am proud of myself for sticking with it. Even during the times when I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I still maintained. Now, THAT is a HUGE accomplishment.
I still struggle with wanting the bad stuff. Just last week I indulged in a cheeseburger, fries and ice cream while on a business trip. I also didn't make as good of choices while eating out as I could have. There's part of me that doesn't want to. That's the part of me that gets really pissed off that I have to work so dang hard for something that comes easily to others. (Admit it . . . you've ALL wanted to trip a skinny person at some point in your life - LOL!)
Along with the 34 week realization, I also stopped to think about where I am on this journey.
Just 1 pound away from my next mini-goal of 190.
Just 5 pounds away from 186. Holy cow - 186!
186 is significant to me for many reasons. First, it's the official half-way point between my non-NS starting weight of 238 and my goal weight of 135. Second, it's in the 180s, which I haven't seen since my 20s. (And it will be awesome to be out of the 190s.) Third, and most importantly, it's the weight I was when I met Vince. I've always felt a bit guilty that I'd "let myself go," so getting back to 186 will be awesome.
And to think I was beating myself up less than 48 hours ago about my bad choices. Yeah, I wish I could take them back, but at least I didn't let them beat me.
With friendship,
Care'
As I was typing in the title of the post I had to stop for a moment. 34 weeks? 34 weeks! That's a long time considering the average life of any diet in the past has been about 10 weeks. Yeah, I've had my ups and downs, but I am proud of myself for sticking with it. Even during the times when I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I still maintained. Now, THAT is a HUGE accomplishment.
I still struggle with wanting the bad stuff. Just last week I indulged in a cheeseburger, fries and ice cream while on a business trip. I also didn't make as good of choices while eating out as I could have. There's part of me that doesn't want to. That's the part of me that gets really pissed off that I have to work so dang hard for something that comes easily to others. (Admit it . . . you've ALL wanted to trip a skinny person at some point in your life - LOL!)
Along with the 34 week realization, I also stopped to think about where I am on this journey.
Just 1 pound away from my next mini-goal of 190.
Just 5 pounds away from 186. Holy cow - 186!
186 is significant to me for many reasons. First, it's the official half-way point between my non-NS starting weight of 238 and my goal weight of 135. Second, it's in the 180s, which I haven't seen since my 20s. (And it will be awesome to be out of the 190s.) Third, and most importantly, it's the weight I was when I met Vince. I've always felt a bit guilty that I'd "let myself go," so getting back to 186 will be awesome.
And to think I was beating myself up less than 48 hours ago about my bad choices. Yeah, I wish I could take them back, but at least I didn't let them beat me.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Week #33: Scale for Sale
09/03/06
What do I have to do to get the scale to move?
I'm back on the foods.
I'm getting my water.
I'm exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes.
I'm sick of seeing 192.5 every time I step on the scale.
Grrrrrr.
Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today.
What do I have to do to get the scale to move?
I'm back on the foods.
I'm getting my water.
I'm exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes.
I'm sick of seeing 192.5 every time I step on the scale.
Grrrrrr.
Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today.
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