11/19/2006
So, did ya miss me last week?
I didn't post because, well, quite frankly, I was embarassed. I had managed to get back up to 189 in just a week. In seems that reaching the half way point made me feel justified in celebrating. I did do some positive celebrating - new clothes, new bike, etc. But I also did some bad celebrating - i.e. food. As far as I've come and as much as I've learned, I still don't have the food demon completely conquered.
I wonder if this is how a drug addict or alcholic feels? It's like you know it's bad for you, and you know that the immediate satisfaction you get won't last, but you do it anyway. Then, you're mad at yourself for doing it.
So, I pretty much had the "get real" discussion with myself last weekend. Or, to put it more aptly, a "get real" argument.
I think I always had it in the back of my head that, once I reached the half way point, I could stop. You see, I didn't think I'd make it this far and knew I'd never go further. So, a long time ago - years ago - I gave myself permission to get to 186 and just stop. That would be good enough. That was what I weighed when DH and I met. That was what I weighed almost 11 years ago.
The conflict came in because I didn't WANT to stop. Emotionaly I wanted to stop, but something else was wanting to go forward.
Let me tell you, being around me that last week was NOT a fun experience. DH definately earned some points last week for just staying out of my way and listening without offerring suggestions. (After all this time he's figured out when I want advice and when I don't - LOL!)
So, I guess this is a really long, rambling way of saying that I'm back on track. I do want to go forward. In fact, I want to compete. Scracth that. I don't just want to compete. I want to be competitive.
I want to push my body to become the best that it can be.
I want to be strong.
I want my kid to see me in action and be proud.
Yep, I still have some food issues, and I'll probably have them my entire life. But now I feel like there are other reasons to lose the weight.
With friendship,
Care'
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
The crowd applauds...I know just what you're talking about because the place I'm in now is WAY better than when I started, and I had to do a reality check to get myself moving again. Way to hang in. I hope you had a great holiday.
hey girl.. where have you been?? Hope everything is good and you had a good and healthy Thxgiving!
Post a Comment