12/10/2006
Today is my birthday. I'm 37. I'm not happy about it. In fact, I'm quite depressed about being in my late 30s. Well, maybe depressed isn't the right word. I'm freaking pissed.
I feel as if I have slept the past 10 years of my life and only started waking up 11 months ago. It's really only been 6 months since I've felt like my own person. Now, here I am ready to take life by the horns, and I'm almost 40. Not that I think 40 is old, but let's face it . . . you just can't do at 40 what you could do at 20.
Here I sit wanting to run a marathon, do an Ironman, travel the world . . . and I feel like I'm running out of time. Damn, I wish I hadn't spent the last 10 years sitting on the couch eating crap.
Ah, regrets . .
The "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that I try to avoid . . .
I guess the good thing is that I did wake up before I hit 40 as opposed to before I hit 50 or never at all. The thing is that I'm back to battling my food demons again. This week I'm back down to 185.5, but I should have lost more. I increased exercise and was doing perfect on food, but Thursday came around and I blew it. For some reason I still feel the need to eat crap when I'm not feeling happy. Looking back I think my upcoming birthday had me blue, but I didn't realize it at the time. So I ate. I ate a lot. And no, it wasn't veggies.
So, I still have this emotional eating problem that I need to deal with. Damn it, will I ever conquer it?
Time to take this anger on a nice long run this morning. See you soon.
With friendship,
Care'
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I thought I left a comment earlier, but blogger must have eaten it...
Happy Birthday! I hope you had a great day. 37 is not old at all, and you still have a full three years before 40 to make your thirties great. I know what you mean though. Even though I'm only 28, I know what it feels like to have wasted so much time. You are making the most of the present, so don't dwell on the past. Great job on the loss, despite the one day of poor eating.
Can't wait to hear about your first marathon! :)
Happy belated birthday! Care, I turned 40 this year, and felt life was better than ever! I'm looking forward to doing (again) the things I use to do at 20, and feel the best days are ahead. I think it's all about perspective. I play volleyball with guys in their 60's who are better than me, and work out with folks who are older, more active and in better shape. You can't control getting older, but you can control how you spend your time. Now that you're "awake" you can make more quality decisions about what you want to do with your time.
Keep up the good work. The best is yet to come!
Post a Comment