Struggling

12/09/2007

I'm struggling. Big time.

For a while (or at least up until a week ago) I was doing great on the exercise but lousy on the diet. Now, I've completely slacked off on the exercise (minus the 5K I walked on Saturday, which I only did because I did it with a good friend). In addition, I've gone crazy with the food. I didn't think my food habits could get any worse, but they have.

It's bad.

I know that I am emotional eating.

I know it. But I can't stop it.

In fact, it seems to be creating a vicious cycle.

The number on the scale is going up. I haven't officially weighed in during the last two weeks because I didn't want to post a gain. When I checked this morning I was at 206.

There. I said it.

Two-oh-freaking-six.

Crap.

I have got to get control, but I'm having a hard time doing so. I am feeling so anxious about everything right now - money, the holidays, my birthday, Michael's upcoming surgery, Jacob's behavior at school, Vince not having a job, my job, my having to "delay" my goals to have another baby . . .

I know that running will help with the stress. I know that a proper diet will help with the running.

But . . . I . . . don't . . . want . . . to . . . work . . . so . . . hard . . . right . . . now.

What the heck is wrong with me?

It was one thing to do this to myself when I didn't know better. But I do know better now. And that makes me even more anxious.

Someone save me from myself.