Week #12 Results: The Big Zero . . .

04/08/2006

Well, it was bound to happen . . . a week with no loss.

SIGH.

I knew the day would come when the scale would mock me with the same number as the week before. I know that the day will come when it will (GASP) show me a larger number than before. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I figured I'd get down to around 175 before this happened.

SIGH.

Okay, so, time for the Polyanna in me to come out . . .

1. I didn't GAIN!
2. I managed to maintain my loss even though I wasn't 100% on plan.
3. I managed to maintain my loss even though I didn't exercise all week long.
4. I didn't GAIN!
5. I still lost inches.
6. I was able to wear an an outfit yesterday that I haven't worn in a year.
7. I didn't GAIN!
8. I received two separate compliments this week on my appearance.
9. I didn't go completely crazy with extras this week despite a pretty rough week.
10. I didn't GAIN!

Okay, so now I need to get up off my butt, put on my workout clothes and hit the treadmill . . . and drink all that water . . . and not eat the extra stuff . . .

SIGH

Okay, time to face the Evil Care' . . .

How come I know what I'm supposed to do but I don't want to do it? Is it possible that being under 200 scares me? I haven't been under 200 lbs in 9 years, and that was after I had been on Phen-Fen and lost a lot of weight. So, if you exclude that brief 3 month period where I was at 160, it's been since 1995 that I've weighed under 200.

I honestly think I'm dreading hitting 200, because that's been such a huge milestone for me. What it basically means is that, once I hit 200, I will have to begin the journey down to my ultimate goal weight. So, from 231.5 to 200 was only 31.5 lbs, and that sure seemed doable (and has very much been doable). But something about going from 200 to 135 sounds so insurmountable. That's 65 lbs! Plus, consider that I've been thinking of changing my goal from 135 to 131.5 to make it an even 100 lb weight loss.

Okay, I realize I'm being a big whiner here.

I realize that I can break up the weight into more manageable "chucks".

I realize that I'm being 100% ridiculious.

But, for some reason, I'm having trouble getting past this.

What that usually means is there is some emotional demon I am about to face and, to be perfectly honest, I just don't want to face another one right now. The last few have left me drained and the thought of going through that again - all the tears, all the doubt, all the pain, makes me just want to EAT. I know I'm a better person having faced those issues, and I know I'll be even better after I face whatever it is that's about to come, but I'm scared, I guess. After you've been through one of those life-changing experiences and you look back on how you use to be, you get kind of disgusted - how could I have thought/felt that way?

I just don't want to THINK right now . . .

SIGH.

So, hold on folks, the next few weeks are gonna be a bumpy ride.

With friendship,

Care'