And it begins again.
I had to let go.
Let go of the fact that I had put on 30 pounds when having a baby.
Let go of the fact that my fitness level isn't where it was before I got pregnant.
Let go of the fact that my timeline for my fitness goals had to be adjusted.
Let go of my anger that I had to regain some territory that had previously been conquered.
I started my weekly weight loss tracker over. My new starting weight is 207. The counting begins today.
I changed my blog template.
The past is in the past. Today is what matters.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Struggling
12/09/2007
I'm struggling. Big time.
For a while (or at least up until a week ago) I was doing great on the exercise but lousy on the diet. Now, I've completely slacked off on the exercise (minus the 5K I walked on Saturday, which I only did because I did it with a good friend). In addition, I've gone crazy with the food. I didn't think my food habits could get any worse, but they have.
It's bad.
I know that I am emotional eating.
I know it. But I can't stop it.
In fact, it seems to be creating a vicious cycle.
The number on the scale is going up. I haven't officially weighed in during the last two weeks because I didn't want to post a gain. When I checked this morning I was at 206.
There. I said it.
Two-oh-freaking-six.
Crap.
I have got to get control, but I'm having a hard time doing so. I am feeling so anxious about everything right now - money, the holidays, my birthday, Michael's upcoming surgery, Jacob's behavior at school, Vince not having a job, my job, my having to "delay" my goals to have another baby . . .
I know that running will help with the stress. I know that a proper diet will help with the running.
But . . . I . . . don't . . . want . . . to . . . work . . . so . . . hard . . . right . . . now.
What the heck is wrong with me?
It was one thing to do this to myself when I didn't know better. But I do know better now. And that makes me even more anxious.
Someone save me from myself.
I'm struggling. Big time.
For a while (or at least up until a week ago) I was doing great on the exercise but lousy on the diet. Now, I've completely slacked off on the exercise (minus the 5K I walked on Saturday, which I only did because I did it with a good friend). In addition, I've gone crazy with the food. I didn't think my food habits could get any worse, but they have.
It's bad.
I know that I am emotional eating.
I know it. But I can't stop it.
In fact, it seems to be creating a vicious cycle.
The number on the scale is going up. I haven't officially weighed in during the last two weeks because I didn't want to post a gain. When I checked this morning I was at 206.
There. I said it.
Two-oh-freaking-six.
Crap.
I have got to get control, but I'm having a hard time doing so. I am feeling so anxious about everything right now - money, the holidays, my birthday, Michael's upcoming surgery, Jacob's behavior at school, Vince not having a job, my job, my having to "delay" my goals to have another baby . . .
I know that running will help with the stress. I know that a proper diet will help with the running.
But . . . I . . . don't . . . want . . . to . . . work . . . so . . . hard . . . right . . . now.
What the heck is wrong with me?
It was one thing to do this to myself when I didn't know better. But I do know better now. And that makes me even more anxious.
Someone save me from myself.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Week #4: Hmmmmm
10/26/2007
No loss. No gain. That goes for weight and inches. Considering it was T'giving and I did not put myself on restriction, I guess I'm happy with those results.
I am struggling with eating right. It seems like I'll do really well for breakfast and lunch, but then I do something stupid around 3:00. That fruit and dairy just doesn't cut it . . . I want CHOCOLATE! It seems this little chocolate habit I developed while preggers is very hard to break.
I spent some time evaluating why I'm doing this, paying particular attention to my emotional triggers.
Am I sad? No.
Am I happy? Well, yeah, but no more than usual. (It's that giddy stuff that triggers eating.)
Am I mad? No.
Am I depressed? No.
Am I stressed? No.
Well, okay maybe a little stressed.
On one hand I feel less stress than I've felt in years. Vince is home with the baby so the day-to-day routine is much less hectic. But, I think that "normal" stress has been replaced by bigger stress.
-Vince isn't working now so I have to keep an eye on finances. It stinks. I know it's doable, but I hate obsessing about money. Although, maybe that's better than obsessing about food.
-Michael has a surgery coming up and I'm dreading it. I know he needs it, but it's still scary. And, it's just the first one in a series. I'm trying to adopt the "sooner begun, sooner done" outlook, but I hate the fact that my tiny little guy will go under the knife.
-I don't have my outlets like I use to. I just started to run again, but it's not at the level I would like it to be. I know it will take some time to build back up to where I was, but still, I miss that release.
-I'm not biking or swimming yet. I miss those activities a lot. I'm tempted to set my bike back up in my living room, but good grief, I'm not sure where I'd put it. (I lost my office and sewing room when Michael came along, so that's now in the living room where I use to have my treadmill and bike.) Also, swimming requires I leave the house and, unless I can do that in the middle of the day (can you say WORK?) that isn't going to work for the family schedule.
So, yeah, maybe I do have some stress. I've lost my "good" coping mechanisms and have truned to the "bad" ones. That's why the food is out of control.
That will be $500, doc.
No loss. No gain. That goes for weight and inches. Considering it was T'giving and I did not put myself on restriction, I guess I'm happy with those results.
I am struggling with eating right. It seems like I'll do really well for breakfast and lunch, but then I do something stupid around 3:00. That fruit and dairy just doesn't cut it . . . I want CHOCOLATE! It seems this little chocolate habit I developed while preggers is very hard to break.
I spent some time evaluating why I'm doing this, paying particular attention to my emotional triggers.
Am I sad? No.
Am I happy? Well, yeah, but no more than usual. (It's that giddy stuff that triggers eating.)
Am I mad? No.
Am I depressed? No.
Am I stressed? No.
Well, okay maybe a little stressed.
On one hand I feel less stress than I've felt in years. Vince is home with the baby so the day-to-day routine is much less hectic. But, I think that "normal" stress has been replaced by bigger stress.
-Vince isn't working now so I have to keep an eye on finances. It stinks. I know it's doable, but I hate obsessing about money. Although, maybe that's better than obsessing about food.
-Michael has a surgery coming up and I'm dreading it. I know he needs it, but it's still scary. And, it's just the first one in a series. I'm trying to adopt the "sooner begun, sooner done" outlook, but I hate the fact that my tiny little guy will go under the knife.
-I don't have my outlets like I use to. I just started to run again, but it's not at the level I would like it to be. I know it will take some time to build back up to where I was, but still, I miss that release.
-I'm not biking or swimming yet. I miss those activities a lot. I'm tempted to set my bike back up in my living room, but good grief, I'm not sure where I'd put it. (I lost my office and sewing room when Michael came along, so that's now in the living room where I use to have my treadmill and bike.) Also, swimming requires I leave the house and, unless I can do that in the middle of the day (can you say WORK?) that isn't going to work for the family schedule.
So, yeah, maybe I do have some stress. I've lost my "good" coping mechanisms and have truned to the "bad" ones. That's why the food is out of control.
That will be $500, doc.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Week #3: I'm Going the Wrong Way!
11/19/2007
WTH? I'm going the wrong way!
Up a pound.
Gained 1.50 inches back.
What gives?
I was extremely good on the exercise. Walked three times this week - 2.8 miles, 3.1 miles and 3.3 miles.
I was better on the diet. Yeah, still not where I need to be, but better. Maybe not good enough to lose, but to GAIN?????
sigh
I guess I'll repeat Step One again! I refuse to give up, but I'd like to see progress.
WTH? I'm going the wrong way!
Up a pound.
Gained 1.50 inches back.
What gives?
I was extremely good on the exercise. Walked three times this week - 2.8 miles, 3.1 miles and 3.3 miles.
I was better on the diet. Yeah, still not where I need to be, but better. Maybe not good enough to lose, but to GAIN?????
sigh
I guess I'll repeat Step One again! I refuse to give up, but I'd like to see progress.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Week #2: Repeat
11/13/2007
Okay, so week one was not stellar scale-wise. When I look back, I realize I did not set myself up to be successful. I pretty much forgot the NS plan and didn't bother to look it up again until mid-week. Sure enough, I "mis-remembered" a few points. Also, I didn't prepare my pantry. Instead of stocking the house with the good stuff, I still had the bad stuff. So, when hunger struck and it was time to eat some chopped-up veggies, I was left with potato chips. I did try my best, but there were a few stressors this week as well (ex: Vince losing his job and a birthday party). All-in-all I'm actually happy that I did not gain.
Also, even though I only walked one day, I did manage to shed 1.75 inches. So, hey, rather than beating myself up, I'll just go back to step one and start again.
Now, I just need to get my fitness routine figured out again. I'm having a VERY hard time forcing myself to take it easy. I'm mentally ready to do my swim, bike and run routine, but everything I've read is telling me I need to take it VERY easy. Common sense is telling me that I need to be walking 5 miles three times a week before I start jogging again and that I really should not try biking until at least January. I do NOT want to injure myself and everything I've read says my ligaments will still be loose for at least another three months.
UGH!
For those of you that know me, you know how much this is driving me crazy. I am such a planner and have a hard time letting go of my plans. When I look at what my triathlon-related goals were for 2007 and 2008 and see where I am now, I get frustrated. My natural reaction is to double-up and make up lost ground, but that would just lead to injury, which would set me back further. I'm trying to tell myself that everything has just shifted by one year, but it's hard to let go of wanting to do my first ironman by age 40. So what if I do it at 41. The point is that I plan to do it. I just need that nagging little voice to SHUT UP! :)
Okay, so week one was not stellar scale-wise. When I look back, I realize I did not set myself up to be successful. I pretty much forgot the NS plan and didn't bother to look it up again until mid-week. Sure enough, I "mis-remembered" a few points. Also, I didn't prepare my pantry. Instead of stocking the house with the good stuff, I still had the bad stuff. So, when hunger struck and it was time to eat some chopped-up veggies, I was left with potato chips. I did try my best, but there were a few stressors this week as well (ex: Vince losing his job and a birthday party). All-in-all I'm actually happy that I did not gain.
Also, even though I only walked one day, I did manage to shed 1.75 inches. So, hey, rather than beating myself up, I'll just go back to step one and start again.
Now, I just need to get my fitness routine figured out again. I'm having a VERY hard time forcing myself to take it easy. I'm mentally ready to do my swim, bike and run routine, but everything I've read is telling me I need to take it VERY easy. Common sense is telling me that I need to be walking 5 miles three times a week before I start jogging again and that I really should not try biking until at least January. I do NOT want to injure myself and everything I've read says my ligaments will still be loose for at least another three months.
UGH!
For those of you that know me, you know how much this is driving me crazy. I am such a planner and have a hard time letting go of my plans. When I look at what my triathlon-related goals were for 2007 and 2008 and see where I am now, I get frustrated. My natural reaction is to double-up and make up lost ground, but that would just lead to injury, which would set me back further. I'm trying to tell myself that everything has just shifted by one year, but it's hard to let go of wanting to do my first ironman by age 40. So what if I do it at 41. The point is that I plan to do it. I just need that nagging little voice to SHUT UP! :)
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Week #1: Step One
11/04/2007
Today is the day. We're back at it.
It sucked to see 201.5 on the scale. It sucked to see that I need to lose 22 pounds to get back to where I was. It sucks to know that, in a few moments I'll be going for a walk when I really want to go for a run.
But . . .
At least I'm starting on the journey again.
I know it will probably take 11 weeks to lose those 22 pounds again, assuming I lose two pounds per week. I know it will probably take at least 4-6 weeks before I'll be ready to attempt to jog again.
But . . .
I will lose those 22 pounds again. And I will run again.
It's hard to not be discouraged. But, it's harder to get up off the couch and do something about it.
I choose to do something about it.
Today is the day. We're back at it.
It sucked to see 201.5 on the scale. It sucked to see that I need to lose 22 pounds to get back to where I was. It sucks to know that, in a few moments I'll be going for a walk when I really want to go for a run.
But . . .
At least I'm starting on the journey again.
I know it will probably take 11 weeks to lose those 22 pounds again, assuming I lose two pounds per week. I know it will probably take at least 4-6 weeks before I'll be ready to attempt to jog again.
But . . .
I will lose those 22 pounds again. And I will run again.
It's hard to not be discouraged. But, it's harder to get up off the couch and do something about it.
I choose to do something about it.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Time to Get Cracking
10/29/2007
Yep, it's been a while.
The baby is here - my little girl turned out to be a boy! Michael is five weeks old and is a full-time job! I have a separate site for Michael - you can check it out at http://www.thelittlewarrior.com/.
It's time for me to get back into exercise, diet and blogging. I've missed it. Especially the exercise. I will admit that I have NOT missed the diet - LOL - but that's a big part of the overall strategy to be healthy, right?
My first official weigh-in will be on Sunday, so I'll start posting my weight and measurements then. I have a general idea of where I am and it's depressing. I hate that I'm going to have to regain some previously conquered ground, but what can you do. I was preggo after all, and I did have a c-section, so it will take a while to get the stomach back to where it was. Heck, it will take a while to be able to run again. (My two-mile walk a week ago put me back to bed for a day due to pain).
I'm m0stly upset about how much ground I've lost in regards to running. I hadn't gotten very far with the biking and I doubt I've lost much swimming-wise, but man, I was really getting good at running. My hope is that it won't take me a year to run a 5K again. There's a race scheduled for 12/1, but I know that's just not possible. Maybe I'll shoot for the one mile fun run and start training for the 2008 season.
Sigh . . . it feels like I'm starting over again. But I know that's not true. I just need to get my head back in the game.
Yep, it's been a while.
The baby is here - my little girl turned out to be a boy! Michael is five weeks old and is a full-time job! I have a separate site for Michael - you can check it out at http://www.thelittlewarrior.com/.
It's time for me to get back into exercise, diet and blogging. I've missed it. Especially the exercise. I will admit that I have NOT missed the diet - LOL - but that's a big part of the overall strategy to be healthy, right?
My first official weigh-in will be on Sunday, so I'll start posting my weight and measurements then. I have a general idea of where I am and it's depressing. I hate that I'm going to have to regain some previously conquered ground, but what can you do. I was preggo after all, and I did have a c-section, so it will take a while to get the stomach back to where it was. Heck, it will take a while to be able to run again. (My two-mile walk a week ago put me back to bed for a day due to pain).
I'm m0stly upset about how much ground I've lost in regards to running. I hadn't gotten very far with the biking and I doubt I've lost much swimming-wise, but man, I was really getting good at running. My hope is that it won't take me a year to run a 5K again. There's a race scheduled for 12/1, but I know that's just not possible. Maybe I'll shoot for the one mile fun run and start training for the 2008 season.
Sigh . . . it feels like I'm starting over again. But I know that's not true. I just need to get my head back in the game.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Wow! Where Did That Month Go?
04/10/2007
I can't believe over a month has passed since I last posted. Especially with all the stuff I've had on my mind lately! LOL!
Let's see, a quick update on the last few weeks. . . . maybe this will explain my absence . . .
1. Went for a bike ride a few weeks back. Fell off. Twice. Hurt my left leg. Walked funny for a few days. Vince took bike away.
2. Decided to work in the yard a week or so later. Mostly stayed in the flower beds, but pushed it too much. Hurt right leg. Walked funnier.
3. Decided swimming would be safer (& would work out some soreness). With the extra weight I've gained (9 pounds so far) and it all being in my stomach, my balance was thrown off. Felt like I was going to drown! Vince took swimming away.
4. Woke up on Friday morning with bleeding. Rushed to the doctor's to ensure it wasn't a miscarriage. It wasn't. I had a polyp that had to be removed (benign, thankfully) but that put me on the couch for a few days.
5. Went for a nice, easy walk (knew I couldn't jog). Twisted my ankle. That cleared up in a day or so. Vince took walking ALONE away. (I think he's planning to follow me in the car.)
6. Decided to work in the yard again. The gutters needed a good cleaning. Fell off the ladder. (Vince doesn't know I fell off the ladder - shhhhh!).
7. Being a glutton for punishment, I decided to work in the yard again the next day. Found a lovely patch of poison oak, to which I am allergic. Broke out on arms, legs, stomach, back, face and chest. Jake got it all over his face and upper body. This took us out of the game for about two weeks. I still have spots everywhere and some itching, but it is getting better.
So, as you can see, I'm a clutz naturally, and adding the pregnancy factor has made me more of a clutz. Vince has threatened to cover me in bubble wrap and tape me to the couch. Maybe that's a good idea. . .
But, I'm going a bit stir crazy. A year ago you couldn't pay me to get off the couch. Now I hate sitting on the couch. I want to be outside training! (So see, you CAN get to the point where you like exercise. I'm proof!)
On the eating front, I haven't been so good. As much as I want to maintain my healthy diet while pregnant, my cravings are out of control. Also, I feel like I'm starving all the time. Ugh. The good thing is that I KNOW I will lose the weight again. I would just prefer to minimize the weight that I HAVE to lose again.
On the baby front, I'm getting there. Yeah, I still have freak-out moments, but I am starting to get excited. It helps that I have a sonogram about every four weeks. Something about seeing that little guy/gal move around just tugs at my heart. My next sonogram is scheduled for 4/16. At that point, I should know if we are having a boy or a girl. So, stay tuned!
How's everyone else doing? Since I'm confined to the indoors now, I'll try and post more often.
With friendship,
Care'
I can't believe over a month has passed since I last posted. Especially with all the stuff I've had on my mind lately! LOL!
Let's see, a quick update on the last few weeks. . . . maybe this will explain my absence . . .
1. Went for a bike ride a few weeks back. Fell off. Twice. Hurt my left leg. Walked funny for a few days. Vince took bike away.
2. Decided to work in the yard a week or so later. Mostly stayed in the flower beds, but pushed it too much. Hurt right leg. Walked funnier.
3. Decided swimming would be safer (& would work out some soreness). With the extra weight I've gained (9 pounds so far) and it all being in my stomach, my balance was thrown off. Felt like I was going to drown! Vince took swimming away.
4. Woke up on Friday morning with bleeding. Rushed to the doctor's to ensure it wasn't a miscarriage. It wasn't. I had a polyp that had to be removed (benign, thankfully) but that put me on the couch for a few days.
5. Went for a nice, easy walk (knew I couldn't jog). Twisted my ankle. That cleared up in a day or so. Vince took walking ALONE away. (I think he's planning to follow me in the car.)
6. Decided to work in the yard again. The gutters needed a good cleaning. Fell off the ladder. (Vince doesn't know I fell off the ladder - shhhhh!).
7. Being a glutton for punishment, I decided to work in the yard again the next day. Found a lovely patch of poison oak, to which I am allergic. Broke out on arms, legs, stomach, back, face and chest. Jake got it all over his face and upper body. This took us out of the game for about two weeks. I still have spots everywhere and some itching, but it is getting better.
So, as you can see, I'm a clutz naturally, and adding the pregnancy factor has made me more of a clutz. Vince has threatened to cover me in bubble wrap and tape me to the couch. Maybe that's a good idea. . .
But, I'm going a bit stir crazy. A year ago you couldn't pay me to get off the couch. Now I hate sitting on the couch. I want to be outside training! (So see, you CAN get to the point where you like exercise. I'm proof!)
On the eating front, I haven't been so good. As much as I want to maintain my healthy diet while pregnant, my cravings are out of control. Also, I feel like I'm starving all the time. Ugh. The good thing is that I KNOW I will lose the weight again. I would just prefer to minimize the weight that I HAVE to lose again.
On the baby front, I'm getting there. Yeah, I still have freak-out moments, but I am starting to get excited. It helps that I have a sonogram about every four weeks. Something about seeing that little guy/gal move around just tugs at my heart. My next sonogram is scheduled for 4/16. At that point, I should know if we are having a boy or a girl. So, stay tuned!
How's everyone else doing? Since I'm confined to the indoors now, I'll try and post more often.
With friendship,
Care'
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Been Gone for a While . .. Here's Why
Background - I found out about four weeks ago that my husband and I are expecting our second child. We're thrilled, but it has taken me a while to adjust to the idea. I posted this on the NS Shrinker's Blog. Because it was such an honest post (the most honest I've been with myself lately) I thought I should share it here.
-----------------------------
The last few weeks for me have been terrible on the eating front. I'm talking McDonald's, Taco Bell, you name it . . . all those places I said good bye to over a year ago.
Now, I know I'm pregnant and am eating for two. But, did you know you really only need an extra 300 calories per day when you're pregnant? Not exactly the extra 3000 I seem to be craving . . .
So, why am I eating this way? Why am I tossing out all the good habits I've learned?
Well, after responding to Crystal's post about there being some emotional issue that's not being addressed, I realized that's what's going on here. The truth is this pregnancy really threw me for a loop. I mean, Vince and I were DONE . . . know what I mean? Our son will be nine this month - not exactly grown, but old enough that he's getting independent and parenting is getting somewhat easier. Also, I've lost all this weight and it breaks my heart that I'm going to have to tackle it again. And, I had to give up my race season. I had even applied for corporate sponsorship but had to withdraw. So, my dreams of competing in my first triathlon have been delayed a year.
I know I sound selfish. And you know what. It IS selfish. On one hand I'm thrilled that we'll have a new baby to bless our lives. I look forward to meeting him/her and watching him/her grow up. After all, my first one has been a blast. On the other hand I'm a little pissed. I'm pissed because, for the first time in my life, what I did was about me. Now I'm having to put myself on hold again. It's like I was given freedom from all those emotional issues that were dragging me down and given a taste of the fresh air and the blue sky. But now the warden is back to lock me up again. "Oh, no. You're not free yet."
So, what have I been doing? I've been eating. Instead of admiting my feelings I've been stuffing my face. Instead of embracing the challenges as new opportunities, I've been drowning my sorrows with cheeseburgers.
I miss feeling energetic and healthy. Just three weeks of poor eating has left me lethargic and grumpy.
Damn it. That's it. No more. I deserve better. My unborn child deserves better.
I haven't lost myself. I've just had a change of plans. A GOOD change. One that will bring me tons of joy and another reason to be healthy.
-----------------------
With friendship,
Care'
-----------------------------
The last few weeks for me have been terrible on the eating front. I'm talking McDonald's, Taco Bell, you name it . . . all those places I said good bye to over a year ago.
Now, I know I'm pregnant and am eating for two. But, did you know you really only need an extra 300 calories per day when you're pregnant? Not exactly the extra 3000 I seem to be craving . . .
So, why am I eating this way? Why am I tossing out all the good habits I've learned?
Well, after responding to Crystal's post about there being some emotional issue that's not being addressed, I realized that's what's going on here. The truth is this pregnancy really threw me for a loop. I mean, Vince and I were DONE . . . know what I mean? Our son will be nine this month - not exactly grown, but old enough that he's getting independent and parenting is getting somewhat easier. Also, I've lost all this weight and it breaks my heart that I'm going to have to tackle it again. And, I had to give up my race season. I had even applied for corporate sponsorship but had to withdraw. So, my dreams of competing in my first triathlon have been delayed a year.
I know I sound selfish. And you know what. It IS selfish. On one hand I'm thrilled that we'll have a new baby to bless our lives. I look forward to meeting him/her and watching him/her grow up. After all, my first one has been a blast. On the other hand I'm a little pissed. I'm pissed because, for the first time in my life, what I did was about me. Now I'm having to put myself on hold again. It's like I was given freedom from all those emotional issues that were dragging me down and given a taste of the fresh air and the blue sky. But now the warden is back to lock me up again. "Oh, no. You're not free yet."
So, what have I been doing? I've been eating. Instead of admiting my feelings I've been stuffing my face. Instead of embracing the challenges as new opportunities, I've been drowning my sorrows with cheeseburgers.
I miss feeling energetic and healthy. Just three weeks of poor eating has left me lethargic and grumpy.
Damn it. That's it. No more. I deserve better. My unborn child deserves better.
I haven't lost myself. I've just had a change of plans. A GOOD change. One that will bring me tons of joy and another reason to be healthy.
-----------------------
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Week #55: BLAH!
02/04/2007
The last week has been crazy. Between traveling and Jacob being sick (and out of school for the entire week), I feel like I got nothing accomplished. I ate terribly and did about half of my planned training, so it's no surprise that the scale didn't move. Hopefully this week will be back to normal for me.
Off to task number 407 for the weekend - a birthday party!
With friendship,
Care'
The last week has been crazy. Between traveling and Jacob being sick (and out of school for the entire week), I feel like I got nothing accomplished. I ate terribly and did about half of my planned training, so it's no surprise that the scale didn't move. Hopefully this week will be back to normal for me.
Off to task number 407 for the weekend - a birthday party!
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Week #54: I'm in the 170s Now, Baby!
01/27/2007
YEEEEE HAAAAAAW!
I'm in the 170s! Yeah, it's 179.5, but it still counts!
I reviewed my history the other day and it appears that I spent 21 weeks in the 190s and 14 weeks in the 180s. I'd like to only linger in the 170s for 7 weeks. I think it's doable. I'll just have to focus a bit more.
I was counting calories the past month or so and decided to give that up. It was making me obsess about food again and causing stress. I know that obsessing about food is NOT a good idea for me. So, it's back to the bascis. Bottom line is, I know what to eat when & how much, so I just need to roll with it. I also know that with the training I'm doing that my body wants more calories. I'm trying to get in tune with my body during my endurance training, so it only makes sense to do the same thing with food.
Hmmm . . what a concept . . listen to your body for hunger rather than your emotions . . .
Last night I mentioned to Vince that, while the weight is coming off slowly because I'm not both 100% on exercise and 100% on food at the same time, (I tend to do one or the other), it IS coming off. And, the most important thing is that I don't feel deprived. Yeah, sure. I would like the weight to come off faster. But, I know if I adopt that "all or nothing" mentality again, I'm doomed.
The other thing I realized is that I'm actually enjoying training, and I think I figured out why. I no longer "exercise". I "train". What's the difference? With exercise the goal is to just burn calories. With training, the goal is to get fitter, stronger, faster and to reach a goal. So, my tip for the day is this . . . if you are having trouble exercising, try training. LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
YEEEEE HAAAAAAW!
I'm in the 170s! Yeah, it's 179.5, but it still counts!
I reviewed my history the other day and it appears that I spent 21 weeks in the 190s and 14 weeks in the 180s. I'd like to only linger in the 170s for 7 weeks. I think it's doable. I'll just have to focus a bit more.
I was counting calories the past month or so and decided to give that up. It was making me obsess about food again and causing stress. I know that obsessing about food is NOT a good idea for me. So, it's back to the bascis. Bottom line is, I know what to eat when & how much, so I just need to roll with it. I also know that with the training I'm doing that my body wants more calories. I'm trying to get in tune with my body during my endurance training, so it only makes sense to do the same thing with food.
Hmmm . . what a concept . . listen to your body for hunger rather than your emotions . . .
Last night I mentioned to Vince that, while the weight is coming off slowly because I'm not both 100% on exercise and 100% on food at the same time, (I tend to do one or the other), it IS coming off. And, the most important thing is that I don't feel deprived. Yeah, sure. I would like the weight to come off faster. But, I know if I adopt that "all or nothing" mentality again, I'm doomed.
The other thing I realized is that I'm actually enjoying training, and I think I figured out why. I no longer "exercise". I "train". What's the difference? With exercise the goal is to just burn calories. With training, the goal is to get fitter, stronger, faster and to reach a goal. So, my tip for the day is this . . . if you are having trouble exercising, try training. LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Week #53: Just . . . One . .. More . . . Pound . . .
01/21/2007
I weighed in at 180.5 today - a new all time low. Just one more pound and I'm in the 170s.
You know, it seems like it's getting harder and harder to drop the weight. I don't know if that's because I've lost so much that my body is now fighting me. Or, it could be all the training I'm doing where the muscle I'm building is hiding the weight loss. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm trying to just stay focused. I know I still have weight to lose - I can look at my stomach and see exactly where it is going to come from. I do know that my stomach is my stubborn area too. Even when I was at my lowest weight I still had a small pooch of a belly.
Who knows . . . maybe it's a factor of all three.
It just seems like I've been working toward the 170s for so long. But, I do remember it seemed like I'd never get to the 180s or even below 200, but I did.
Just stay the course . . . just stay the course.
You know, weight loss is an endurance sport.
With friendship,
Care'
I weighed in at 180.5 today - a new all time low. Just one more pound and I'm in the 170s.
You know, it seems like it's getting harder and harder to drop the weight. I don't know if that's because I've lost so much that my body is now fighting me. Or, it could be all the training I'm doing where the muscle I'm building is hiding the weight loss. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm trying to just stay focused. I know I still have weight to lose - I can look at my stomach and see exactly where it is going to come from. I do know that my stomach is my stubborn area too. Even when I was at my lowest weight I still had a small pooch of a belly.
Who knows . . . maybe it's a factor of all three.
It just seems like I've been working toward the 170s for so long. But, I do remember it seemed like I'd never get to the 180s or even below 200, but I did.
Just stay the course . . . just stay the course.
You know, weight loss is an endurance sport.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Week #52: One Year Gone
01/14/2007
Today is my one year anniversary on NutriSystem. To date, I have lost 50 pounds with NS for a total of 56.5 pounds. I still have 46.5 pounds to go in order to reach my ultimate goal, but I am firmly beyond the half-way point.
It feels great.
Some things I've learned in the last year include:
1. I am an emotional eater, and I will always be an emotional eater. I've managed to conquer eating when I'm happy, sad or angry, but I still struggle with stress and boredom. My plan is to conquer these this year.
2. The small steps really do count. In the past I had always focused on the big picutre - exercise for 30 minutes, lose 100 pounds, etc. I've learned that small, measureable goals work for me. I still keep my mini-goals of 5 pounds. I still tell myself to "just get on the treadmill or bike for 10 minutes." Now those 10 minutes turn into an hour.
3. A support system is the best thing you can have. Whether it's online support, family support, etc., it is a critical element to success. It helps knowing someone is on your side and is looking out for you. It also helps to have someone to talk to in those moments of weakness. Having been such an independent person all my life, this was a tough one to accept. But, I've found that this lesson has spilled over to other areas of my life in a very positive way. I no longer think that I'm the only one that can correctly complete a task. This has gone a long way toward making work more enjoyable and reducing my stress level.
4. There are more ways to measure progress than just a number on the scale. Sure, at first this was the ONLY measure. Now I use actual measurements, how my clothes feel, what my energy level is and how much stronger I am. I've learned that the scale can only report weight. It cannot differentiante between fat versus muscle. It cannot tell you that that extra pound today was because of a little extra sodium yesterday. Which leads me to my next point. . .
5. Tracking everything you eat is critical. I've found that when I stop writing everything down, I tend to wander off plan. That wandering ultimately leads to disappointment. So, I write everything down - good and bad. Sometimes I write down what I'm planning to eat to see if I really want to eat it. This has stopped me in my tracks several times.
6. 100% is perfect, but you don't have to be perfect every day. With my perfectionist personality, this also was a tough lesson to learn. 100% perfect on exercise and eating leaves no room for error or for life. Let's face it . . . There will be birthday parties. There will be special dinners. There will be drinks with the friends. There will be times when you get the flu making exercise impossible. The trick is to not beat yourself up with life gets in the way of your perfect plans. Some people can do this. I found it very difficult. So, instead I strive for 90%. This leaves me plenty of room to deal with life and still feel positive about my nutrition and exercise plan. (This has also spilled over into other areas of my life, making me and my team more productive at work.)
7. This is not a diet. This is a lifestyle. And, fortunately, it is a very "do-able" lifestyle.
8. I still haven't learned everything. For the first time in years I've found that my mind is open to new possibilities. After all, if somthing that would never work has, then what else have I dismissed as impossible? It's almost being like a kid again. I'm trying new things and enjoying the heck out of it.
With friendship,
Care'
Today is my one year anniversary on NutriSystem. To date, I have lost 50 pounds with NS for a total of 56.5 pounds. I still have 46.5 pounds to go in order to reach my ultimate goal, but I am firmly beyond the half-way point.
It feels great.
Some things I've learned in the last year include:
1. I am an emotional eater, and I will always be an emotional eater. I've managed to conquer eating when I'm happy, sad or angry, but I still struggle with stress and boredom. My plan is to conquer these this year.
2. The small steps really do count. In the past I had always focused on the big picutre - exercise for 30 minutes, lose 100 pounds, etc. I've learned that small, measureable goals work for me. I still keep my mini-goals of 5 pounds. I still tell myself to "just get on the treadmill or bike for 10 minutes." Now those 10 minutes turn into an hour.
3. A support system is the best thing you can have. Whether it's online support, family support, etc., it is a critical element to success. It helps knowing someone is on your side and is looking out for you. It also helps to have someone to talk to in those moments of weakness. Having been such an independent person all my life, this was a tough one to accept. But, I've found that this lesson has spilled over to other areas of my life in a very positive way. I no longer think that I'm the only one that can correctly complete a task. This has gone a long way toward making work more enjoyable and reducing my stress level.
4. There are more ways to measure progress than just a number on the scale. Sure, at first this was the ONLY measure. Now I use actual measurements, how my clothes feel, what my energy level is and how much stronger I am. I've learned that the scale can only report weight. It cannot differentiante between fat versus muscle. It cannot tell you that that extra pound today was because of a little extra sodium yesterday. Which leads me to my next point. . .
5. Tracking everything you eat is critical. I've found that when I stop writing everything down, I tend to wander off plan. That wandering ultimately leads to disappointment. So, I write everything down - good and bad. Sometimes I write down what I'm planning to eat to see if I really want to eat it. This has stopped me in my tracks several times.
6. 100% is perfect, but you don't have to be perfect every day. With my perfectionist personality, this also was a tough lesson to learn. 100% perfect on exercise and eating leaves no room for error or for life. Let's face it . . . There will be birthday parties. There will be special dinners. There will be drinks with the friends. There will be times when you get the flu making exercise impossible. The trick is to not beat yourself up with life gets in the way of your perfect plans. Some people can do this. I found it very difficult. So, instead I strive for 90%. This leaves me plenty of room to deal with life and still feel positive about my nutrition and exercise plan. (This has also spilled over into other areas of my life, making me and my team more productive at work.)
7. This is not a diet. This is a lifestyle. And, fortunately, it is a very "do-able" lifestyle.
8. I still haven't learned everything. For the first time in years I've found that my mind is open to new possibilities. After all, if somthing that would never work has, then what else have I dismissed as impossible? It's almost being like a kid again. I'm trying new things and enjoying the heck out of it.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Week #51: Oh So Close . . .
01/07/2007
I am so close to leaving the 180s behind me FOREVER. I was hoping to meet that goal prior to the new year or even this week, but sometimes it just doesn't work the way you want. I'm sure I'll nail it this week.
I've been lax in keeping up with everyone's blogs because, quite frankly, it was all I could do to keep myself motivated. As I've started to read them again, it seems like I was not the only one that faced challenges during the holidays. Also, it seems like a lot of us are happy for the fresh start and excitement that the new year brings.
I remember where I was this time last year. I was looking at all those NS commercials wondering if it would work for me. I was looking at my budget to see if I could afford to do the plan, and weighing that against the cost of NOT doing the plan. I was searching the Internet to find reviews. I was trying to decide if I would tell Vince what I was thinking. After all, I had failed a LOT of plans in the past.
By this point I had lost 6.5 pounds from my all time high of 238. (At least, 238 was the last time I'd checked a scale, so who knows.) I lost 6.5 pounds from November of 2005 until the first of January 2006. It was coming off, but it was a constant battle. I needed something different - something radical - from what I had tried in the past.
I remember thinking that all diets are just going to fail and perhaps I should just do the surgery. I spent a few days researching the surgery and found out that I was actually too small to qualify based on my BMI. I seriously considered gaining another 15 pounds so that I could qualify.
Surgery is a big step, and one that I wasn't ready to take. So, instead I decided that I would do ONE MORE diet plan and, if that failed, I would go under the knife.
Over the next few days I worked and re-worked our budget to see what we could do. I finally told Vince what I was thinking. I'm not sure why I had hesitated to tell him. He said, "If you think it will work for you, and you want to do it, then you should try."
Try.
For the first time in my life I decided to approach a diet with a "try" attitude instead of a "do" attitude. Now, I know what you're thinking . . . "That doesn't make sense," and for most people, you would be right. But, I think the big reason diets had failed me in the past was because I had an "all or nothing" approach. If I was 100% perfect, then I was happy. If I slipped and went off the track by eating off plan or missing a workout, I was furious. My fury generally resulted in my giving up and eating anything that wasn't nailed down. So, "try" was a good approach. After all, I was convinced it wouldn't work for me anyway.
I placed my order and then went into that 3-5 day period that occurs between THE ORDER and THE ARRIVAL. I was both excited and terrified and immediately second-guessed my decision. Of course, all that anxiety led to eating. How I managed to maintain the 231 I had gotten to is beyond me.
My food arrived on January 13th, and I started the plan on January 14th.
Next Sunday is January 14th - one full year since I began.
Next week I'll reflect back on my one year anniversary with NutriSystem . . . so stay tuned.
With friendship,
Care'
I am so close to leaving the 180s behind me FOREVER. I was hoping to meet that goal prior to the new year or even this week, but sometimes it just doesn't work the way you want. I'm sure I'll nail it this week.
I've been lax in keeping up with everyone's blogs because, quite frankly, it was all I could do to keep myself motivated. As I've started to read them again, it seems like I was not the only one that faced challenges during the holidays. Also, it seems like a lot of us are happy for the fresh start and excitement that the new year brings.
I remember where I was this time last year. I was looking at all those NS commercials wondering if it would work for me. I was looking at my budget to see if I could afford to do the plan, and weighing that against the cost of NOT doing the plan. I was searching the Internet to find reviews. I was trying to decide if I would tell Vince what I was thinking. After all, I had failed a LOT of plans in the past.
By this point I had lost 6.5 pounds from my all time high of 238. (At least, 238 was the last time I'd checked a scale, so who knows.) I lost 6.5 pounds from November of 2005 until the first of January 2006. It was coming off, but it was a constant battle. I needed something different - something radical - from what I had tried in the past.
I remember thinking that all diets are just going to fail and perhaps I should just do the surgery. I spent a few days researching the surgery and found out that I was actually too small to qualify based on my BMI. I seriously considered gaining another 15 pounds so that I could qualify.
Surgery is a big step, and one that I wasn't ready to take. So, instead I decided that I would do ONE MORE diet plan and, if that failed, I would go under the knife.
Over the next few days I worked and re-worked our budget to see what we could do. I finally told Vince what I was thinking. I'm not sure why I had hesitated to tell him. He said, "If you think it will work for you, and you want to do it, then you should try."
Try.
For the first time in my life I decided to approach a diet with a "try" attitude instead of a "do" attitude. Now, I know what you're thinking . . . "That doesn't make sense," and for most people, you would be right. But, I think the big reason diets had failed me in the past was because I had an "all or nothing" approach. If I was 100% perfect, then I was happy. If I slipped and went off the track by eating off plan or missing a workout, I was furious. My fury generally resulted in my giving up and eating anything that wasn't nailed down. So, "try" was a good approach. After all, I was convinced it wouldn't work for me anyway.
I placed my order and then went into that 3-5 day period that occurs between THE ORDER and THE ARRIVAL. I was both excited and terrified and immediately second-guessed my decision. Of course, all that anxiety led to eating. How I managed to maintain the 231 I had gotten to is beyond me.
My food arrived on January 13th, and I started the plan on January 14th.
Next Sunday is January 14th - one full year since I began.
Next week I'll reflect back on my one year anniversary with NutriSystem . . . so stay tuned.
With friendship,
Care'
Monday, January 01, 2007
Week #50: Happy New Year
01/01/2007
Wow. Another year has come and gone.
I love this time of year. All the holidays are over and the tempting food is gone. And, it's the first day of a "do-over" or a "do-better."
In the past I've avoided making resolutions . . . especially if they had anything to do with my weight. But this year is different. While last year I focused on getting started on the weight loss journey, this year I resolve to finish it. I also resolve to mark some of those "to dos" off my list. So, here's my 2007 list:
-Lose the rest of the weight - 48 pounds
-Compete in a sprint triathlon
-Compete in at least two 5Ks
-Complete in at least one 10K
-Improve my swimming technique
-Build cycling distance
-Finish working on the house
Okay, that should keep me busy.
With friendship,
Care'
Wow. Another year has come and gone.
I love this time of year. All the holidays are over and the tempting food is gone. And, it's the first day of a "do-over" or a "do-better."
In the past I've avoided making resolutions . . . especially if they had anything to do with my weight. But this year is different. While last year I focused on getting started on the weight loss journey, this year I resolve to finish it. I also resolve to mark some of those "to dos" off my list. So, here's my 2007 list:
-Lose the rest of the weight - 48 pounds
-Compete in a sprint triathlon
-Compete in at least two 5Ks
-Complete in at least one 10K
-Improve my swimming technique
-Build cycling distance
-Finish working on the house
Okay, that should keep me busy.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Week #49: Week 49 and 49 Pounds Gone with NS!
12/24/2006
How bizarre is that? I've completed 49 weeks on the NS plan and have lost 49 pounds. Part of me is impressed - that's 1 pound a week! Part of me is pissed . . . if I had stuck to the plan 100% and had lost around 2 pounds a week, I'd be done.
Oh well. I can't go back and change what I did in the past. I can only make sure I don't make the same mistakes in the future, right? Besides, there's been a lot of other crap to deal with besides just the weight.
The really cool thing is that I hit 182.5 this morning. I've finally broken the 185.5 mark! I am determined to get to the 170s before the end of the year, and I am oh-so-close!
Let's see . . . If I have 47.5 pounds to go and I stick with the food & exercise plan 100% . . . and if I average a 1.5 pounds loss per week . . . that would have me finished by the thrid week of July. If I go aggressive and do 2 pounds per week, then I'll be done by the second week of June. If I keep my current pace of 1 pound per week, then I'll be done by Thanksgiving next year.
Hmmmm. . .
Okay, I've decided. June it is. LOL!
Now, back to some more serious stuff . . .
This week was my first full week on my triathlon training program. I did really well. I managed to get back in the water for the first time in about 20 years. Yeah, that first day was a little freaky, but I survived. When I went back on Friday I was much more comfortable and didn't end up sore at all. I've even signed up for a swimming class to make sure my techique and form are correct.
The other day Vince came home to find me with my goggles on and my head in a pot full of water working on my breathing. Of course, I was so focused on what I was doing, I didn't realize he was standing there. I'm not sure how long he watched me, but I'm fairly certain he thinks I'm certifiable now. Oh well, just wait until he sees what I have planned for today . .
I am getting more comfortable on the bike. Of course, I use the term comfortable very loosly. The legs feel good and I'm working to not put my weight on my wrists (my carpel tunnel syndrome won't stand for that!), but the seat is, um, well, it just freaking hurts. After riding for about five minutes I have no feeling in my nether-regions. (And, yes, I'm wearing cycle shorts!) I know this will resolve itslf in time with plenty of practice.
I'm also working to increase my running to a 12 minute mile. I know, I know . . . that's still pretty slow. But, I remember when I worked down to a 20 minute mile, then a 17, then a 15. So, for now I have 12 in my sights and will soon be aiming for 10.
That's how this whole thing works, isn't it? Just one more minute, one more mile, one more lap, one more pound, one more day.
With friendship,
Care'
How bizarre is that? I've completed 49 weeks on the NS plan and have lost 49 pounds. Part of me is impressed - that's 1 pound a week! Part of me is pissed . . . if I had stuck to the plan 100% and had lost around 2 pounds a week, I'd be done.
Oh well. I can't go back and change what I did in the past. I can only make sure I don't make the same mistakes in the future, right? Besides, there's been a lot of other crap to deal with besides just the weight.
The really cool thing is that I hit 182.5 this morning. I've finally broken the 185.5 mark! I am determined to get to the 170s before the end of the year, and I am oh-so-close!
Let's see . . . If I have 47.5 pounds to go and I stick with the food & exercise plan 100% . . . and if I average a 1.5 pounds loss per week . . . that would have me finished by the thrid week of July. If I go aggressive and do 2 pounds per week, then I'll be done by the second week of June. If I keep my current pace of 1 pound per week, then I'll be done by Thanksgiving next year.
Hmmmm. . .
Okay, I've decided. June it is. LOL!
Now, back to some more serious stuff . . .
This week was my first full week on my triathlon training program. I did really well. I managed to get back in the water for the first time in about 20 years. Yeah, that first day was a little freaky, but I survived. When I went back on Friday I was much more comfortable and didn't end up sore at all. I've even signed up for a swimming class to make sure my techique and form are correct.
The other day Vince came home to find me with my goggles on and my head in a pot full of water working on my breathing. Of course, I was so focused on what I was doing, I didn't realize he was standing there. I'm not sure how long he watched me, but I'm fairly certain he thinks I'm certifiable now. Oh well, just wait until he sees what I have planned for today . .
I am getting more comfortable on the bike. Of course, I use the term comfortable very loosly. The legs feel good and I'm working to not put my weight on my wrists (my carpel tunnel syndrome won't stand for that!), but the seat is, um, well, it just freaking hurts. After riding for about five minutes I have no feeling in my nether-regions. (And, yes, I'm wearing cycle shorts!) I know this will resolve itslf in time with plenty of practice.
I'm also working to increase my running to a 12 minute mile. I know, I know . . . that's still pretty slow. But, I remember when I worked down to a 20 minute mile, then a 17, then a 15. So, for now I have 12 in my sights and will soon be aiming for 10.
That's how this whole thing works, isn't it? Just one more minute, one more mile, one more lap, one more pound, one more day.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Week #48: Heads Back in the Game Again . . .
12/18/2006
You know, after about six weeks of not being serious, I finally have my head back in the game. I finally realized that I was feeling pretty down about the holidays, which had me turning to food for comfort. At one point I realized I wasn't eating blindly like in the past, but that I was eating the crap on purpose. WTH? It was like I was DECIDING that I was going to eat poorly, and actually went to the store to buy the stuff. Geesh!
Yesterday I was really evaluating the situation and trying to determine why I was doing this to myself. My husband asked if I was sad about the holidays. "Of course not," I said. "It's freaking Christmas! Everyone is happy!"
As those words tumbled out of my mouth I realized how angry they were, and the light bulb clicked on.
Yep, I was feeling down about the time of year. Why? Because I don't have a freaking family, that's why.
Since my MaMa died I pretty much don't have anything to do with my Dad or his side of the family. (This is my step-dad who raised me.) It's like when she went, I just "lifted out." They all get together and have a great time, but I'm not invited. It pisses me off. Also, my bio-Dad has disappeared (again).
Yes, I still have my Mom and my sister has recently come back into my life. I am also extremely fortunate that my in-laws love me as one of their own. But as a girl with daddy issues, this time of year leaves me feeling pretty down.
I know I need to confront the situation, but I'm just not ready yet. And, I also know that, if I do confront the situation, that I may learn about stuff that I'm not yet ready to hear.
But, back to the point of this post. After the light came on, I decided that I would just be pissed off and eat what I want until Jan 1. I mean, why beat myself up if the food was making me feel better?
But, you know what? The food wasn't making me feel better. My energy level has plumeted and my stomach has been "off" the last few weeks. I've been more apt to lie on the couch than go for a walk. I remember being like that all the time and thought it was normal. Now that I've had a taste of what life can be like, I don't want that any more.
I decided that I could either be angry, or I could have a good holiday in spite of the situation. After all, I do have a son and he deserves to have a happy Christmas like I did at his age. He still believes in Santa and I know those days are numbered. I have six neices and nephews that are all younger than my son, and seeing them tear through their presents is a thrill. Remember how that felt when you were that age?
I decided to have a GREAT holiday season - damn it! :)
Once I made that decision, suddenly the "diet and exercise" thing didn't seem so bad. I even attempted a new exercise video yesterday, but didn't make it too far since my stomach was upset. But, at least I got my butt off the couch and on the weight bench for a change.
So, here I am . . . all in the Christmas spirit now. It's driving my husband crazy. HE HE, this will be more fun that I thought.
HO! HO! HO!
With friendship,
Care'
You know, after about six weeks of not being serious, I finally have my head back in the game. I finally realized that I was feeling pretty down about the holidays, which had me turning to food for comfort. At one point I realized I wasn't eating blindly like in the past, but that I was eating the crap on purpose. WTH? It was like I was DECIDING that I was going to eat poorly, and actually went to the store to buy the stuff. Geesh!
Yesterday I was really evaluating the situation and trying to determine why I was doing this to myself. My husband asked if I was sad about the holidays. "Of course not," I said. "It's freaking Christmas! Everyone is happy!"
As those words tumbled out of my mouth I realized how angry they were, and the light bulb clicked on.
Yep, I was feeling down about the time of year. Why? Because I don't have a freaking family, that's why.
Since my MaMa died I pretty much don't have anything to do with my Dad or his side of the family. (This is my step-dad who raised me.) It's like when she went, I just "lifted out." They all get together and have a great time, but I'm not invited. It pisses me off. Also, my bio-Dad has disappeared (again).
Yes, I still have my Mom and my sister has recently come back into my life. I am also extremely fortunate that my in-laws love me as one of their own. But as a girl with daddy issues, this time of year leaves me feeling pretty down.
I know I need to confront the situation, but I'm just not ready yet. And, I also know that, if I do confront the situation, that I may learn about stuff that I'm not yet ready to hear.
But, back to the point of this post. After the light came on, I decided that I would just be pissed off and eat what I want until Jan 1. I mean, why beat myself up if the food was making me feel better?
But, you know what? The food wasn't making me feel better. My energy level has plumeted and my stomach has been "off" the last few weeks. I've been more apt to lie on the couch than go for a walk. I remember being like that all the time and thought it was normal. Now that I've had a taste of what life can be like, I don't want that any more.
I decided that I could either be angry, or I could have a good holiday in spite of the situation. After all, I do have a son and he deserves to have a happy Christmas like I did at his age. He still believes in Santa and I know those days are numbered. I have six neices and nephews that are all younger than my son, and seeing them tear through their presents is a thrill. Remember how that felt when you were that age?
I decided to have a GREAT holiday season - damn it! :)
Once I made that decision, suddenly the "diet and exercise" thing didn't seem so bad. I even attempted a new exercise video yesterday, but didn't make it too far since my stomach was upset. But, at least I got my butt off the couch and on the weight bench for a change.
So, here I am . . . all in the Christmas spirit now. It's driving my husband crazy. HE HE, this will be more fun that I thought.
HO! HO! HO!
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Week #47: Reflection
12/10/2006
Today is my birthday. I'm 37. I'm not happy about it. In fact, I'm quite depressed about being in my late 30s. Well, maybe depressed isn't the right word. I'm freaking pissed.
I feel as if I have slept the past 10 years of my life and only started waking up 11 months ago. It's really only been 6 months since I've felt like my own person. Now, here I am ready to take life by the horns, and I'm almost 40. Not that I think 40 is old, but let's face it . . . you just can't do at 40 what you could do at 20.
Here I sit wanting to run a marathon, do an Ironman, travel the world . . . and I feel like I'm running out of time. Damn, I wish I hadn't spent the last 10 years sitting on the couch eating crap.
Ah, regrets . .
The "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that I try to avoid . . .
I guess the good thing is that I did wake up before I hit 40 as opposed to before I hit 50 or never at all. The thing is that I'm back to battling my food demons again. This week I'm back down to 185.5, but I should have lost more. I increased exercise and was doing perfect on food, but Thursday came around and I blew it. For some reason I still feel the need to eat crap when I'm not feeling happy. Looking back I think my upcoming birthday had me blue, but I didn't realize it at the time. So I ate. I ate a lot. And no, it wasn't veggies.
So, I still have this emotional eating problem that I need to deal with. Damn it, will I ever conquer it?
Time to take this anger on a nice long run this morning. See you soon.
With friendship,
Care'
Today is my birthday. I'm 37. I'm not happy about it. In fact, I'm quite depressed about being in my late 30s. Well, maybe depressed isn't the right word. I'm freaking pissed.
I feel as if I have slept the past 10 years of my life and only started waking up 11 months ago. It's really only been 6 months since I've felt like my own person. Now, here I am ready to take life by the horns, and I'm almost 40. Not that I think 40 is old, but let's face it . . . you just can't do at 40 what you could do at 20.
Here I sit wanting to run a marathon, do an Ironman, travel the world . . . and I feel like I'm running out of time. Damn, I wish I hadn't spent the last 10 years sitting on the couch eating crap.
Ah, regrets . .
The "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that I try to avoid . . .
I guess the good thing is that I did wake up before I hit 40 as opposed to before I hit 50 or never at all. The thing is that I'm back to battling my food demons again. This week I'm back down to 185.5, but I should have lost more. I increased exercise and was doing perfect on food, but Thursday came around and I blew it. For some reason I still feel the need to eat crap when I'm not feeling happy. Looking back I think my upcoming birthday had me blue, but I didn't realize it at the time. So I ate. I ate a lot. And no, it wasn't veggies.
So, I still have this emotional eating problem that I need to deal with. Damn it, will I ever conquer it?
Time to take this anger on a nice long run this morning. See you soon.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Time to Quit Dorking Around
12/03/2006
I was looking at my results for the month of November and they clearly show that I am futzing around and not being serious. I've been totally rocking on the exercise front, but I've pretty much been going over on calories. I haven't been making terrible choices like I've done in the past - just eating too much of the stuff I can have. Basically, it's like I'm doing my maintenance plan instead of my weight loss plan. While it is nice to know that I can maintain my weight without having to write down every bite and just using what I've learned, it is NOT nice to know that this is the weight I'm maintaining. I need to quit dorking around. After all, I have another 50 pounds to lose. That's still a lot of weight and I'll never get it off at this rate.
So, some key decisions today -
1. Write everything down that I eat. I find it's harder to cheat when every bite is accounted for.
2. Start weighing every morning again. This is hard to do while travelling, but it does keep me on track. I'm home now, so no execuses.
3. Bump up the exercise. I'm doing 3 days a week very consistently now, but want to bump it up. Not only for weight loss, but also because I want to work on my endurance. I ran another 5K yesterday and, while I almost made my goal time of 45 minutes (finisihed in 45:05) and beat my personal record of 47:59, I still wasn't happy. It was a stuggle and I finished towards the end of the pack. I don't necessarily want to win, but I would like to come in with the top 25%. The only way I can do that is to (a) drop the rest of the weight and (b) work on my endurance. So, this week I'm adding 2 more days to my exercise plan.
4. Get serious again. When I lost the most weight the quickest was when I was a machine. I didn't think about how food tasted. I just thought about what the food would do for my body & how much energy it would give me. Time to start looking at food like that again.
So, today starts a new week for me. I really would like to hit 175 by the end of the year. That's about a 2.5 pound weight loss per week. That may be not be attainable since I typically lose in the 1 - 1.5 pound range, but I'm going to try. After all, I've never been 100% on diet and 100% on exercise at the same time. Who knows? Maybe 2.5 pounds per week is too low.
With friendship,
Care'
I was looking at my results for the month of November and they clearly show that I am futzing around and not being serious. I've been totally rocking on the exercise front, but I've pretty much been going over on calories. I haven't been making terrible choices like I've done in the past - just eating too much of the stuff I can have. Basically, it's like I'm doing my maintenance plan instead of my weight loss plan. While it is nice to know that I can maintain my weight without having to write down every bite and just using what I've learned, it is NOT nice to know that this is the weight I'm maintaining. I need to quit dorking around. After all, I have another 50 pounds to lose. That's still a lot of weight and I'll never get it off at this rate.
So, some key decisions today -
1. Write everything down that I eat. I find it's harder to cheat when every bite is accounted for.
2. Start weighing every morning again. This is hard to do while travelling, but it does keep me on track. I'm home now, so no execuses.
3. Bump up the exercise. I'm doing 3 days a week very consistently now, but want to bump it up. Not only for weight loss, but also because I want to work on my endurance. I ran another 5K yesterday and, while I almost made my goal time of 45 minutes (finisihed in 45:05) and beat my personal record of 47:59, I still wasn't happy. It was a stuggle and I finished towards the end of the pack. I don't necessarily want to win, but I would like to come in with the top 25%. The only way I can do that is to (a) drop the rest of the weight and (b) work on my endurance. So, this week I'm adding 2 more days to my exercise plan.
4. Get serious again. When I lost the most weight the quickest was when I was a machine. I didn't think about how food tasted. I just thought about what the food would do for my body & how much energy it would give me. Time to start looking at food like that again.
So, today starts a new week for me. I really would like to hit 175 by the end of the year. That's about a 2.5 pound weight loss per week. That may be not be attainable since I typically lose in the 1 - 1.5 pound range, but I'm going to try. After all, I've never been 100% on diet and 100% on exercise at the same time. Who knows? Maybe 2.5 pounds per week is too low.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Week #44: Yep, This Really is a Journey
11/19/2006
So, did ya miss me last week?
I didn't post because, well, quite frankly, I was embarassed. I had managed to get back up to 189 in just a week. In seems that reaching the half way point made me feel justified in celebrating. I did do some positive celebrating - new clothes, new bike, etc. But I also did some bad celebrating - i.e. food. As far as I've come and as much as I've learned, I still don't have the food demon completely conquered.
I wonder if this is how a drug addict or alcholic feels? It's like you know it's bad for you, and you know that the immediate satisfaction you get won't last, but you do it anyway. Then, you're mad at yourself for doing it.
So, I pretty much had the "get real" discussion with myself last weekend. Or, to put it more aptly, a "get real" argument.
I think I always had it in the back of my head that, once I reached the half way point, I could stop. You see, I didn't think I'd make it this far and knew I'd never go further. So, a long time ago - years ago - I gave myself permission to get to 186 and just stop. That would be good enough. That was what I weighed when DH and I met. That was what I weighed almost 11 years ago.
The conflict came in because I didn't WANT to stop. Emotionaly I wanted to stop, but something else was wanting to go forward.
Let me tell you, being around me that last week was NOT a fun experience. DH definately earned some points last week for just staying out of my way and listening without offerring suggestions. (After all this time he's figured out when I want advice and when I don't - LOL!)
So, I guess this is a really long, rambling way of saying that I'm back on track. I do want to go forward. In fact, I want to compete. Scracth that. I don't just want to compete. I want to be competitive.
I want to push my body to become the best that it can be.
I want to be strong.
I want my kid to see me in action and be proud.
Yep, I still have some food issues, and I'll probably have them my entire life. But now I feel like there are other reasons to lose the weight.
With friendship,
Care'
So, did ya miss me last week?
I didn't post because, well, quite frankly, I was embarassed. I had managed to get back up to 189 in just a week. In seems that reaching the half way point made me feel justified in celebrating. I did do some positive celebrating - new clothes, new bike, etc. But I also did some bad celebrating - i.e. food. As far as I've come and as much as I've learned, I still don't have the food demon completely conquered.
I wonder if this is how a drug addict or alcholic feels? It's like you know it's bad for you, and you know that the immediate satisfaction you get won't last, but you do it anyway. Then, you're mad at yourself for doing it.
So, I pretty much had the "get real" discussion with myself last weekend. Or, to put it more aptly, a "get real" argument.
I think I always had it in the back of my head that, once I reached the half way point, I could stop. You see, I didn't think I'd make it this far and knew I'd never go further. So, a long time ago - years ago - I gave myself permission to get to 186 and just stop. That would be good enough. That was what I weighed when DH and I met. That was what I weighed almost 11 years ago.
The conflict came in because I didn't WANT to stop. Emotionaly I wanted to stop, but something else was wanting to go forward.
Let me tell you, being around me that last week was NOT a fun experience. DH definately earned some points last week for just staying out of my way and listening without offerring suggestions. (After all this time he's figured out when I want advice and when I don't - LOL!)
So, I guess this is a really long, rambling way of saying that I'm back on track. I do want to go forward. In fact, I want to compete. Scracth that. I don't just want to compete. I want to be competitive.
I want to push my body to become the best that it can be.
I want to be strong.
I want my kid to see me in action and be proud.
Yep, I still have some food issues, and I'll probably have them my entire life. But now I feel like there are other reasons to lose the weight.
With friendship,
Care'
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