Week #24: Another 1.5 pounds - I think?

07/01/2006

Okay, so I'm in Kansas City on vacation with my son - we're hanging out with my mom for about a week and a half - and I know that I'll have two weigh ins while I'm here. Mom has a scale, so no problem right? I'll just make sure to calibrate it before I step on it to ensure I get a proper weight. Good idea. Done.

So, this morning I wake up at 6:30 as usual (darn bladder) and proceed down two flights of stairs to step on the scale, which is in the basement. I flip on the light and there it is . . . the world's largest scale. I mean, this thing is HUGE! Like three people could weigh at the same time, huge. And, to top it off, it's clunky to move around because one side is heavier that the other. "Oh well," I think, "Maybe I'll burn off a few calories while moving this thing in place."

So I get it to the middle of the bathroom and decide that I need to claibrate it. I look around to find something for which I know the weight. The logical thing is hand weights, but those are upstairs (two flights) and they are in my mom's bedroom. She is still sleeping and I don't want to wake her up. Time to get inventive. I go to the kitchen (upstairs, one flight) to see what I can find. I know that four sticks of butter is a pound so I try that - oops, 2 and a half sticks left. How about a 1 pound tub of cool whip? Darn, someone's been in the cool whip. How about canned food? That should work. I go to the cubbord and find a 1.5 pound jar of speghetti sauce. Eureka! It won't be perfect, but close enough.

So, I treck downstairs (one flight) again to weigh my speghetti sauce. It occurs to me how ridiculious this must look, but I shrug it off. I place the speghetti sauce on the scale and then calibrate it appropriately. Cool. I'm ready to roll.

I step on the scale. Can't see shit. Great. Left the glasses upstairs. So, do I go back upstairs (two flights) to get the glasses or do I just try to figure this out? I mean, I don't want my glasses to ADD weight, right?

Okay, I'm smart, I can figure this out. After all, I just successfully calibrated a scale with speghetti sauce . . .

So, I get off the scale and get a little closer to the read out. It's one of those old-fashioned dial thingies that was done in 4 point font or something that my parents bought when I was like 14. I stopped to ponder this for a moment - why would you put such a teeny, tiny font on such a big ass scale? Is it supposed to make us mad, cry or laugh? My sister would say it's art. It's showing the juxtaposition of something so tiny and graceful against something so heavy and clunky.

Whatever.

Okay, back to reality.

I notice that there are these little tiny marker things that can be moved around the face of the dial. I guess they are used to track progress, although they move pretty easily so I'm not sure how reliable that would be in my house full of cats. I decide that I'll move one of the markers about where I think the hand should land, and then skooch the marker around until it lines up with the hand.

Brilliant.

So, back up on the scale I go. Man, I really have to squint to see the hand and the marker. Imagine if I were 6 foot tall! I see the marker is a little off, so I step off the scale and skooch the marker a bit. On the scale again, quick check, off the scale, skooch, on the sale again, quick check, off the scale, skooch . . . .

I finally get what I believe is alignment. (And I think I may have gotten in some aerobic exercise at the same time).

I bend down to take the reading. Can't see it. So I get a little closer. Hmmmm, still can't really tell. I press my nose up against the glass. Darn it! The marker is wide enough that you can't tell if it's on 192, 192.5 or 193.

Is it time to get the glasses now? Yep.

Upstairs (two flights) to retrieve glasses. Back downstairs (two flights) to weigh again.

Apparently, I need to get new glasses, because I still can't tell if it's 192, 192.5 or 193.

I decide that I'll be conservative and pick 193. After all, that's still a pound and a half.

So, any bets on how many calories I burned while trying to weigh?

Oh crap! I left the speghetti sauce in the basement!

With friendship,

Care'