Trip from Hell

08/22/2006

I was typing this in an email for my mom who was innocent enough to ask, "How was your trip to Chicago?" I'm sure she wasn't prepared for the respose.

Anywho, I thought you guys would enjoy my perils, so have a good laugh at my expense. For me, the crying has finally stopped and I am starting to see the humor in the situation . . .

1. Had to leave Sunday morning.
2. Plane delayed.
3. Sat next to woman who got air sick for the entire trip.
4. Rental car not ready upon arrival.
5. Got lost on way to hotel.
6. Get to hotel - smoking room, even though non-smoking specified.
7. Decide to have wine from the honor bar. No wine opener.
8. Have room service bring up wine opener. Can't get cork out. Manage to push crumbled cork into bottle.
9. Drank two glasses of wine with cork. Yum.
10. Forgot to call hubby to wake him up. Fortunately, kid was not late to school.
11. Got lost on way to seminar.
12. Could not find parking.
13. Decided to just park and walk the rest of the way.
14. Managed to get lost while walking. Turned 4 block trip into 1.5 mile trip (if I had known, I would not have gotten up at 5:30 to run for 1.5 miles).
15. Hurt foot while wandering aimlessley in downtown Chicago. Now limping and lost.
16. Finally find seminar. Check in. Receptionist sends me to wrong room.
17. Get to right room (could they have put my class any further away from the bathrooms?)
18. Room is freezing, and I did remember to bring a jacket - that's how freaking cold it was.
19. Developed case of diarreha, so in and out of class - while limping, mind you.
20. Get out of class early (thank goodness).
21. Find car without getting lost (luck is turning around).
22. Get lost trying to find expressway.
23. Find expressway - but in wrong lane to get on.
24. Try to turnaround. Street turns into a dead-end parking lot.
25. Try to back out of parking lot - not working. Pull into teeny-tiny space to turn around.
26. Back into concrete planters while turning around.
27. Make circle to get back on expressway. Didn't work.
28. Make bigger circle to get back on expressway. Worked (horray, although I'm about to cry).
29. Got lost on way to aiport.
30. Got back on track, but get lost AGAIN. (NEVER drive in Chicago).
31. Got flipped off twice.
32. Got flipped off again. This time I flip back.
33. Find rental car return after a 2 hour trip, but manage to go the wrong way.
34. Got flipped off again. (Beginning to think it's Chicogo's residents' way of saying "hello")
35. Get rental car dropped off (guy didn't notice any damage from step 26 above - woo hoo!)
36. Get on rental car shuttle. Hobble over to a seat because foot is killing me. Shuttle is crowded. Lady manages to step on my hurt foot three times.
37. I flip off lady. She doesn't step on foot again.
38. Get to airport. Manage to successfully check in.
39. Wait in line to get luggage inspected. Machine breaks. Have to take luggage to other side of terminal (still limping).
40. Wait in line for luggage inspection (20 minute wait).
41. Hobble over to security. Line is LONG because machine breaks. (What is it with machinery in this airport?) Picture 500 travelers trying to go through one security line.
42. Get through security.
43. Go to Chili's since I have a very long wait until boarding. Order margarita - I deserve one, right? Waitress spills drink on me.
44. Eat dinner (which is cold, but I don't complain for fear of having something else dumped on me).
45. Hobble over to gate (could it be any further away from security? Nope, it can't. Last freaking gate in terminal).
46. Sit down at gate.
47. Foot gets run over by passerby.
48. Hobble over to new seat. Open book to read. Book sucks.
49. Hobble over to gift shop to buy new book. Clerk won't let me in - thinks I'm drunk (could that be because I'm limping and smell like tequilla?)
50. Hobble to next gift shop and successfully buy book.
51. Hobble back to gate. Sit down and start reading (finally).
52. Plane delayed 15 minutes.
53. Plane delayed 30 minutes.
54. Plane delayed 45 minutes.
55. Plane finally boards. Full flight. Get seated next to gentleman who has no concept of personal space or hygiene.
56. Plane lands. Limp off of plane and wait 30 minutes to get luggage.
57. Get luggage - go outside to wait for courtesy van to take me to my car.
58. 15 minute wait.
59. Get car. Check out - receipt flys out of machine and across parking lot. Receipt is for over $20, so I need it to get reimbursed.
60. Pull over. Chase parking receipt across parking lot (remember, I'm limping).
61. Get receipt. Get back in car. Drive home.
62. Get home at 1:00 a.m. Set alarm for 6.00 a.m. and pass out.

Don't you just LOVE travel?

Care'