06/25/2006
Another half pound gone! This is great since I was on a business trip all last week. I find it VERY difficult to stay on plan while traveling. Just getting in all the water each day is a true struggle. I think that's because I pretty much have to talk the whole time, so I don't shut up long enough to take a sip. (And my hubby wonders why I'm so quiet when I get back from a trip!)
I plan to get back on the exercise wagon this week, now that my "sports injury" has officially healed. Plus, I'm leaving for vacation on Thursday, so I'm super-excited. Of course I'm running around like a mad woman trying to get everything done so I can leave with no worries. Wish me luck!
I met with some fellow NSers for lunch yesterday. As always, it was a lot of fun. I finally got to meet Pam, Fire and Jackie. Jackie is pretty new to NS and it was nice to see someone excited again. I think that helped re-motivate me.
I also got a TERRIFIC compliment on Friday of last week. I was going through the airport security line and I could tell that the TSA official was really comparing ids to faces. I knew I'd get a double-take since I'd been stopped on previous trips, but this time I got a triple-take. He looked at my license, then at me, then my license, then at me, then at my license (this time for a while) and then at me again. Finally, he said, "You've lost a lot of weight. Damn, you're HOT!" He he. I didn't kiss or hug him for saying it, but man, it was tempting. I've been floating on that compliment for a few days now.
Also, I FINALLY heard some news on the job front. It looks like things are starting to fall into place and I should have an offer in the very near future. How bad is that - go on vacation then come back and give notice? Knowing me I'll probably give a month notice anyway because the project I'm working on is SO close to being done. Plus, I don't want to dump the project on my fellow co-workers. I know, I know . . . I'm too nice. Maybe I'll just give enough notice that the guy on which the project will be dumped has a chance to get his vacation in. I'd hate it if he had to cancel it because of me.
Okay, well, I'm off to try and get the 100 things on my list done today. If anyone is bored and needs something to do, holler . . . I can probably find a task for you.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Week #22: Trying Really Hard to Get Back on Track
06/17/2006
Literally.
I'm trying so hard to get back on that treadmill track. In fact, to help motivate myself, I purchased some new running shoes and one of those fancy Enell sports bras that everyone is raving about. That did the trick - I managed to get on the treadmill last Sunday and ran part of the way. Felt GREAT! In fact, I was so proud of myself, I decided that I would set a goal to do it at least 3 times per week. (I figured the "you have to do this everyday" voice needed to be shushed with the "it's okay to do it three times a week" voice. More on that in a minute . . .)
When I took off my shoes, I had a HUGE blister on my left heal. OUCH! Now, when I say huge, I mean like it covers the entire heal, huge. I must not have had my shoe tight enough or something. WAH! I tried to give it another go on Thursday, but I couldn't even stand to walk with anything touching my heal - even with several layers of bandaids. So, on the down side, my exercise has been limited to stretching and resistance training (still good, of course) but on the up side I officially have my very first sports-related injury!
Boy, my dad would probably be proud of me that I actually have some type of sports-related injury. But, it's about making myself proud, not my dad. (Nope - not going there today . . . )
So, back to the voices inside my head. . .
I'm a member of the Jazzman's Boardroom, (great support site, by the way. Check out the link on the right.), and there was a post from one of our members that was feeling pretty down on herself and the diet. I could TOTALLY relate to her. It's like you know what you have to do to be successful, but sometimes you just don't want to do it. Some days you just resent the fact that you have to work this hard for what seems to come so easily for others. This is especially hard in my house since my wonderful husband barley weighs 125 when fully clothed, wet, and wearing steel-toed boots.
Anywho, I was reading her posts and the responses. One post in particular caught my eye. Basically, she said that, sometimes 80% is good enough. This really hit me right between my eyes.
I'm very much a perfectionist. Throughout my life I have tried things and quickly given them up because I didn't immediately master them and become the best at whatever it was that I was doing. I can list hundreds of things I've tried, and I won't bore you with the details, but weight loss is definately on the list. It seems like if I'm not 100% on plan, 100% on exercise, 100% on water, a little voice starts nagging me about my shortcomings.
Well, this post got me to thinking . . . yeah, I'm only doing 80% at times, but what if I were doing 0%? I'd be just as big as I was last November, or possibly even bigger.
So, I decided to create a new voice in my head - one that was fun and encouraging; one that could shut the other voice up. The new voice tells me that 80% is a success and that anything above that is that much better. The new voice pushes me in a positive way - "Wow! You lost one pound this week being 80%! Imagine what you could have lost if you were 85%!" and "Wow, you exercised three times this week! Way to go!" The new voice also makes me smile . . . I've given it a valley girl accent, so it's really like "OH MY GAWD! You like TOTALLY lost like one whole pound! Like WOW!" It also says stuff like "Gag me with a spoon" when the office orders in pizza. I know. It's dorky. But it helps me keep a sense of humor about this whole thing.
Okay . . . hearing voices in my head . . .talking like a valley girl . . .
You guys think I'm crazy, don't you?
With friendship,
Care'
Literally.
I'm trying so hard to get back on that treadmill track. In fact, to help motivate myself, I purchased some new running shoes and one of those fancy Enell sports bras that everyone is raving about. That did the trick - I managed to get on the treadmill last Sunday and ran part of the way. Felt GREAT! In fact, I was so proud of myself, I decided that I would set a goal to do it at least 3 times per week. (I figured the "you have to do this everyday" voice needed to be shushed with the "it's okay to do it three times a week" voice. More on that in a minute . . .)
When I took off my shoes, I had a HUGE blister on my left heal. OUCH! Now, when I say huge, I mean like it covers the entire heal, huge. I must not have had my shoe tight enough or something. WAH! I tried to give it another go on Thursday, but I couldn't even stand to walk with anything touching my heal - even with several layers of bandaids. So, on the down side, my exercise has been limited to stretching and resistance training (still good, of course) but on the up side I officially have my very first sports-related injury!
Boy, my dad would probably be proud of me that I actually have some type of sports-related injury. But, it's about making myself proud, not my dad. (Nope - not going there today . . . )
So, back to the voices inside my head. . .
I'm a member of the Jazzman's Boardroom, (great support site, by the way. Check out the link on the right.), and there was a post from one of our members that was feeling pretty down on herself and the diet. I could TOTALLY relate to her. It's like you know what you have to do to be successful, but sometimes you just don't want to do it. Some days you just resent the fact that you have to work this hard for what seems to come so easily for others. This is especially hard in my house since my wonderful husband barley weighs 125 when fully clothed, wet, and wearing steel-toed boots.
Anywho, I was reading her posts and the responses. One post in particular caught my eye. Basically, she said that, sometimes 80% is good enough. This really hit me right between my eyes.
I'm very much a perfectionist. Throughout my life I have tried things and quickly given them up because I didn't immediately master them and become the best at whatever it was that I was doing. I can list hundreds of things I've tried, and I won't bore you with the details, but weight loss is definately on the list. It seems like if I'm not 100% on plan, 100% on exercise, 100% on water, a little voice starts nagging me about my shortcomings.
Well, this post got me to thinking . . . yeah, I'm only doing 80% at times, but what if I were doing 0%? I'd be just as big as I was last November, or possibly even bigger.
So, I decided to create a new voice in my head - one that was fun and encouraging; one that could shut the other voice up. The new voice tells me that 80% is a success and that anything above that is that much better. The new voice pushes me in a positive way - "Wow! You lost one pound this week being 80%! Imagine what you could have lost if you were 85%!" and "Wow, you exercised three times this week! Way to go!" The new voice also makes me smile . . . I've given it a valley girl accent, so it's really like "OH MY GAWD! You like TOTALLY lost like one whole pound! Like WOW!" It also says stuff like "Gag me with a spoon" when the office orders in pizza. I know. It's dorky. But it helps me keep a sense of humor about this whole thing.
Okay . . . hearing voices in my head . . .talking like a valley girl . . .
You guys think I'm crazy, don't you?
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Week #21: Serious Lack of Motivation Here
06/10/2006
I knew it was bound to happen.
I knew the day would come when I would begin to struggle with this weight loss thing.
But, I didn't expect it to show up so soon. I mean, I figured it would start getting hard to lose the weight when I got to around 160 - you know - closer to goal. But, here I am, still 60 pounds away from my target, and the weight is just not coming off. I know, I know - I had a 2 pound loss last week so the half a pound up this week is probably just my body adjusting.
I know that.
But, I miss those days in the first few months where I consistently lost between 2 - 2.5 pounds every week without fail. I honestly believed I would have at least 2-3 more months of that before I hit the yo-yo days.
I talked to Vince about it last night - you know, trying to really evaluate what I was doing and determine if there was room for improvement. There is, of course. I have been terrible on the exercise front. I don't know why . . . yes, I hate the "I need to exercise" tune going on in my head and I can't wait for it to be over when I'm doing it, but if feels great and I'm proud of myself when it's over. For a while there I was really consistent, but once I fell off the wagon I fell hard. I've made some half-hearted attempts over the past few months and have had periods where I did well, but lately - BLAH!!!!!
So, you know me, I started trying to psycho-analyze myself. Why won't I exericse when I know that is a huge key to my success?
Do I really hate exercise? Well, no, I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite thing. But it beats work.
Does it hurt when I exercise? No. It may hurt the treadmill some, but I have good shoes now and a bra that keeps the girls in place when I try to run. Also, the knees don't hurt since I've dropped enough weight.
Do I have the tools available to me to exercise? Yes. No excuse there! Although, I'd like some of those pink Nike running shoes . . .
Do I feel bad after exercising? No. Quite the opposite! I feel GREAT! POWERFUL! ENERGETIC!
Okay, so the act of exercising is NOT the problem . . .
Perhaps I am just scared of losing the weight. There, I said it.
I've been overweight for such a long time, it's part of my personality. I know that statement may sound strange, but it's true. I'm the funny girl that's everyone's friend. I've NEVER been the "hot girl" or the "pretty girl". (I may have been the "cute girl" at one point, but that was long ago.) So, I guess part of me is a little nervous about how that will feel. I mean, I am my own worst critic (who isn't) and I hope that, when I lose the weight, I'll be less self-deprecating. But, what if I'm not?
Think of my weight as my emotional armor. I've always used it as a crutch for blame when things didn't go my way.
Boyfriend broke up with me - it wasn't me; he's a jerk because I'm a little heavy.
Didn't get the promotion/job - it wasn't my qualifications; it's because I'm overweight.
Didn't get the great raise that a coworker got - it wasn't my performance; it's because the coworker isn't fat.
See what I mean?
I guess that, if I lose the weight, I'll be forced to face up to the fact that not everything is about my weight. (I probably need to face up to the fact that not everything in life is about ME, but that's a challenge for another day.) Perhaps I'm just not ready for that?
So, point #1 - need to exercise more.
Let' me refine that a bit.
Point #1 - Make the commitment to exercise daily and DO IT.
Now, the other element is the diet. I've been pretty good on that front, but I've been doing the plan with my own food. I was going to switch to my own food once I got to the 3/4 mark, but I had to do it sooner because it was getting pretty expensive. I kind of feel like a kid that thad their blankee taken away a little prematurely. Basically, when I had the NS foods available, I didn't have to think - pick from bucket A, B, C or D. Also, I could look at the food and see that what was there had to last a month. With it being as expensive as it is, it truly helped me stop any cheating.
Now I find myself thinking about food more, which is usually not a good thing for me. I'm also more likely to cheat a bit because I know I can just run to the store and get some more. And, (this one's a biggie) now that I'm obsessing about food again, it feels like more of a diet that a lifestyle change, and I'm spending less time thinking about all that crap I need to think about to get through this emotional stuff I'm trying to figure out.
So, point #2 - get back on the NS foods as soon as the summer is over. (Our expenses should go down then.)
The final element that Vince and I discussed was my job. I'm a walking stress ball. (Which is a really good reason to exercise, right?) But, in the past I've dealt with stress by eating. So, I'm more tempted to eat the bad stuff than I would be if I was in a less stressful situation.
Point #3 - find a less stressful job. I've been working on this point for a while. If you've been a reader for a while, you know I'm working on something with my former employer. But, it has been 8 months since the first discussion with them, and I'm losing patience. I can't keep my life on hold forever. So, if I don't hear back from them by July 14, (one week after my vacation), I'm officially starting the job search.
So, there it is. Now that I know WHAT I need to do, I need to do it.
With friendship,
Care'
I knew it was bound to happen.
I knew the day would come when I would begin to struggle with this weight loss thing.
But, I didn't expect it to show up so soon. I mean, I figured it would start getting hard to lose the weight when I got to around 160 - you know - closer to goal. But, here I am, still 60 pounds away from my target, and the weight is just not coming off. I know, I know - I had a 2 pound loss last week so the half a pound up this week is probably just my body adjusting.
I know that.
But, I miss those days in the first few months where I consistently lost between 2 - 2.5 pounds every week without fail. I honestly believed I would have at least 2-3 more months of that before I hit the yo-yo days.
I talked to Vince about it last night - you know, trying to really evaluate what I was doing and determine if there was room for improvement. There is, of course. I have been terrible on the exercise front. I don't know why . . . yes, I hate the "I need to exercise" tune going on in my head and I can't wait for it to be over when I'm doing it, but if feels great and I'm proud of myself when it's over. For a while there I was really consistent, but once I fell off the wagon I fell hard. I've made some half-hearted attempts over the past few months and have had periods where I did well, but lately - BLAH!!!!!
So, you know me, I started trying to psycho-analyze myself. Why won't I exericse when I know that is a huge key to my success?
Do I really hate exercise? Well, no, I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite thing. But it beats work.
Does it hurt when I exercise? No. It may hurt the treadmill some, but I have good shoes now and a bra that keeps the girls in place when I try to run. Also, the knees don't hurt since I've dropped enough weight.
Do I have the tools available to me to exercise? Yes. No excuse there! Although, I'd like some of those pink Nike running shoes . . .
Do I feel bad after exercising? No. Quite the opposite! I feel GREAT! POWERFUL! ENERGETIC!
Okay, so the act of exercising is NOT the problem . . .
Perhaps I am just scared of losing the weight. There, I said it.
I've been overweight for such a long time, it's part of my personality. I know that statement may sound strange, but it's true. I'm the funny girl that's everyone's friend. I've NEVER been the "hot girl" or the "pretty girl". (I may have been the "cute girl" at one point, but that was long ago.) So, I guess part of me is a little nervous about how that will feel. I mean, I am my own worst critic (who isn't) and I hope that, when I lose the weight, I'll be less self-deprecating. But, what if I'm not?
Think of my weight as my emotional armor. I've always used it as a crutch for blame when things didn't go my way.
Boyfriend broke up with me - it wasn't me; he's a jerk because I'm a little heavy.
Didn't get the promotion/job - it wasn't my qualifications; it's because I'm overweight.
Didn't get the great raise that a coworker got - it wasn't my performance; it's because the coworker isn't fat.
See what I mean?
I guess that, if I lose the weight, I'll be forced to face up to the fact that not everything is about my weight. (I probably need to face up to the fact that not everything in life is about ME, but that's a challenge for another day.) Perhaps I'm just not ready for that?
So, point #1 - need to exercise more.
Let' me refine that a bit.
Point #1 - Make the commitment to exercise daily and DO IT.
Now, the other element is the diet. I've been pretty good on that front, but I've been doing the plan with my own food. I was going to switch to my own food once I got to the 3/4 mark, but I had to do it sooner because it was getting pretty expensive. I kind of feel like a kid that thad their blankee taken away a little prematurely. Basically, when I had the NS foods available, I didn't have to think - pick from bucket A, B, C or D. Also, I could look at the food and see that what was there had to last a month. With it being as expensive as it is, it truly helped me stop any cheating.
Now I find myself thinking about food more, which is usually not a good thing for me. I'm also more likely to cheat a bit because I know I can just run to the store and get some more. And, (this one's a biggie) now that I'm obsessing about food again, it feels like more of a diet that a lifestyle change, and I'm spending less time thinking about all that crap I need to think about to get through this emotional stuff I'm trying to figure out.
So, point #2 - get back on the NS foods as soon as the summer is over. (Our expenses should go down then.)
The final element that Vince and I discussed was my job. I'm a walking stress ball. (Which is a really good reason to exercise, right?) But, in the past I've dealt with stress by eating. So, I'm more tempted to eat the bad stuff than I would be if I was in a less stressful situation.
Point #3 - find a less stressful job. I've been working on this point for a while. If you've been a reader for a while, you know I'm working on something with my former employer. But, it has been 8 months since the first discussion with them, and I'm losing patience. I can't keep my life on hold forever. So, if I don't hear back from them by July 14, (one week after my vacation), I'm officially starting the job search.
So, there it is. Now that I know WHAT I need to do, I need to do it.
With friendship,
Care'
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
You Know You're Not Spending Enough Time On Yourself When . . .
06/06/2006
. . . you find yourself shaving your legs in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
So, here's the entire story . . . .
I decided last night that I was going to soak in a bubble bath with a glass of wine (and shave my legs). But, the minute I got in the bath I was barraged with questions from the hubby and requests from the kid. Even the cats decided they needed to "watch" me take my bath. (Maybe it was the bubbles?) So, after about 5 minutes of this I decided that a long soak was not in the cards for me, so I did what I needed to do and ended the experience early.
Fast forward to this morning as I'm driving to work. I am wearing capri pants and reach down to scratch my leg. OH MY GOODNESS! I FORGOT TO SHAVE!
Now, this is really NOT that terrible in the grand scheme of things, but I cannot STAND to be wearing shorts or capris and have hairy legs.
I get a brilliant idea . . . I can stop at the store on the way in and take care of things.
So, I pull over at the Wal-Mart, go inside and buy a razor and some Dasani. (I also pick up a few other things so it doesn't look so strange - LOL!)
I go out to my car and, while hanging my legs out the driver's side door, I pour VERY COLD water on them and begin the shaving process. I'm pretty sure that I received many a strange look from passing cars. Perhaps they thought I was homeless?
Anyway, I finish up and, you guessed it, RAZOR BURN. I also managed to cut my left leg pretty badly. So, I fished in my purse and pulled out hand lotion and began the application process. Now, this lotion has some type of perfume in it that smells like . . . well . . . like an old lady. I remember that I had picked it up as a sample on a business trip and meant to toss it out! Add to this the fact that I have pretty sensitive skin . . . and we have major pain on our hands.
So, now we have legs that are ON FIRE, bleeding, stink to high heaven and are covered with burn marks. Sexy, eh?
Perhaps the hairy look would have been better? I mean, did I really think my co-workers would notice? And, if they did, would they have said something? Keep in mind that one of my coworkers has a bag-o-eyeballs on his desk . . .
I started back to work (made it on time, by the way) and started thinking . . . all of this drama could have been avoided if I had simply been allowed 15 minutes to enjoy my bath last night. Since I'm going through my mid-life crisis and am over-evaluating EVERYTHING, I start to think about the other areas of my life where I sacrifice time spent on me. I do it every hour of every day.
I think this may be very common among women. (And I'm sure there are some men out there that do this also, but I haven't met him yet.) Why do we do this? Is it genetic programming that keeps us from pampering ourselves? Or, is it because we have low self-images and somehow feel that we are not worthy of spending time on ourselves?
I don't know what the answer is . . . I'll have to ponder it more. But, I do know that I want to change this pattern of behavior in myself, and I intend to start today.
So, all my friends out there, take time to do something for yourself today, lest you find yourself shaving your legs in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
With friendship,
Care'
. . . you find yourself shaving your legs in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
So, here's the entire story . . . .
I decided last night that I was going to soak in a bubble bath with a glass of wine (and shave my legs). But, the minute I got in the bath I was barraged with questions from the hubby and requests from the kid. Even the cats decided they needed to "watch" me take my bath. (Maybe it was the bubbles?) So, after about 5 minutes of this I decided that a long soak was not in the cards for me, so I did what I needed to do and ended the experience early.
Fast forward to this morning as I'm driving to work. I am wearing capri pants and reach down to scratch my leg. OH MY GOODNESS! I FORGOT TO SHAVE!
Now, this is really NOT that terrible in the grand scheme of things, but I cannot STAND to be wearing shorts or capris and have hairy legs.
I get a brilliant idea . . . I can stop at the store on the way in and take care of things.
So, I pull over at the Wal-Mart, go inside and buy a razor and some Dasani. (I also pick up a few other things so it doesn't look so strange - LOL!)
I go out to my car and, while hanging my legs out the driver's side door, I pour VERY COLD water on them and begin the shaving process. I'm pretty sure that I received many a strange look from passing cars. Perhaps they thought I was homeless?
Anyway, I finish up and, you guessed it, RAZOR BURN. I also managed to cut my left leg pretty badly. So, I fished in my purse and pulled out hand lotion and began the application process. Now, this lotion has some type of perfume in it that smells like . . . well . . . like an old lady. I remember that I had picked it up as a sample on a business trip and meant to toss it out! Add to this the fact that I have pretty sensitive skin . . . and we have major pain on our hands.
So, now we have legs that are ON FIRE, bleeding, stink to high heaven and are covered with burn marks. Sexy, eh?
Perhaps the hairy look would have been better? I mean, did I really think my co-workers would notice? And, if they did, would they have said something? Keep in mind that one of my coworkers has a bag-o-eyeballs on his desk . . .
I started back to work (made it on time, by the way) and started thinking . . . all of this drama could have been avoided if I had simply been allowed 15 minutes to enjoy my bath last night. Since I'm going through my mid-life crisis and am over-evaluating EVERYTHING, I start to think about the other areas of my life where I sacrifice time spent on me. I do it every hour of every day.
I think this may be very common among women. (And I'm sure there are some men out there that do this also, but I haven't met him yet.) Why do we do this? Is it genetic programming that keeps us from pampering ourselves? Or, is it because we have low self-images and somehow feel that we are not worthy of spending time on ourselves?
I don't know what the answer is . . . I'll have to ponder it more. But, I do know that I want to change this pattern of behavior in myself, and I intend to start today.
So, all my friends out there, take time to do something for yourself today, lest you find yourself shaving your legs in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Week #20 Down
06/03/2003
I can't believe it! I dropped 2 pounds this week. It has been a while since I've dropped that much. Lately I've had to be happy with a half a pound or a pound, but 2? WOO HOO!
I'm particularly pround because this week has been tough. I mean, like wanting to give up tough. I don't know if it's the job that's getting to me and causing everything else to seem impossible, or if I'm just tired of having to watch what I eat. NS was SOOOOOOOOOO much easier when I was using their food. Doing it with your own food adds an extra layer of complexity. You have to be more aware of what you are eating througout the day versus just eating out of the correct category. But, I am pretty pround of myself that I'm still able to lose while eating regular food.
Part of me thinks, "Wow! 36 pounds since starting NS!" Another part of me things, "Only 36 pounds?" It feels like I've been doing this FOREVER but it has really only been a few months. Lately I'm having to really remind myself that this isn't an overnight cure. I didn't put it on in 20 weeks so it's not coming off in 20 weeks. But, I'm ready to get to the finish line, know what I mean? I know that I'm learning a lot about myself as I go through this and that my body and brain NEED the time, but that driving part of my personality just wants to be done. I'm ready to buy new clothes because I'm sick of having "baggy butt" syndrome. I guess I'm tried of feeling sloppy.
On another note, I have some serious vacation time coming up at the end of the month. Jake and I will be going to Kansas to see my mom for 9 days. Vince is thrilled - he loves having the house to himself - LOL! I can't wait. I really need a mental break and I only seem to get that when I actually leave town.
So, how's everyone else doing?
With friendship,
Care'
I can't believe it! I dropped 2 pounds this week. It has been a while since I've dropped that much. Lately I've had to be happy with a half a pound or a pound, but 2? WOO HOO!
I'm particularly pround because this week has been tough. I mean, like wanting to give up tough. I don't know if it's the job that's getting to me and causing everything else to seem impossible, or if I'm just tired of having to watch what I eat. NS was SOOOOOOOOOO much easier when I was using their food. Doing it with your own food adds an extra layer of complexity. You have to be more aware of what you are eating througout the day versus just eating out of the correct category. But, I am pretty pround of myself that I'm still able to lose while eating regular food.
Part of me thinks, "Wow! 36 pounds since starting NS!" Another part of me things, "Only 36 pounds?" It feels like I've been doing this FOREVER but it has really only been a few months. Lately I'm having to really remind myself that this isn't an overnight cure. I didn't put it on in 20 weeks so it's not coming off in 20 weeks. But, I'm ready to get to the finish line, know what I mean? I know that I'm learning a lot about myself as I go through this and that my body and brain NEED the time, but that driving part of my personality just wants to be done. I'm ready to buy new clothes because I'm sick of having "baggy butt" syndrome. I guess I'm tried of feeling sloppy.
On another note, I have some serious vacation time coming up at the end of the month. Jake and I will be going to Kansas to see my mom for 9 days. Vince is thrilled - he loves having the house to himself - LOL! I can't wait. I really need a mental break and I only seem to get that when I actually leave town.
So, how's everyone else doing?
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Week #19: Another Half a Pound Gone
05/28/2006
As of today, I have lost a total of 34 pounds on NS. If you add the 6 pounds in I lost before NS, that's 40 pounds.
40 pounds.
40 pounds.
Can you say it with me? "40 pounds."
Geesh. That's a LOT!
That's only 5 pounds less than what my eight-year-old weighs.
How cool is that????
With friendship,
Care'
As of today, I have lost a total of 34 pounds on NS. If you add the 6 pounds in I lost before NS, that's 40 pounds.
40 pounds.
40 pounds.
Can you say it with me? "40 pounds."
Geesh. That's a LOT!
That's only 5 pounds less than what my eight-year-old weighs.
How cool is that????
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Week #18: Another 1.5 Gone!
05/21/2006
I'm happy to report a 1.5 pound loss this week. HORRAY! I'm only 3 pounds away from my next mini-goal.
I had the opportunity to have dinner last night with a few fellow NS members. I met Neil, Denise, Tonya and So for the first time in person and we had a great time. It was so nice to be with a group of people that understand the struggles you are going through, have been through, or are about to face. I normally don't "warm up" to people very quickly, but it was like I'd known these four forever! I hope we do it again soon.
This weekend my big task is to try and remove some clutter from my life. For some reason, I never want to let go of anything, but it's time to move out the old so that the new can come my way. DH better watch out because he may just be one of those old things I toss out - HA HA! I'm just tired of being surrounded by stuff that needs to be maintained and that no longer brings me joy. I guess it's time for a yard sale . .
Have a great weekend, everyone!
With friendship,
Care'
I'm happy to report a 1.5 pound loss this week. HORRAY! I'm only 3 pounds away from my next mini-goal.
I had the opportunity to have dinner last night with a few fellow NS members. I met Neil, Denise, Tonya and So for the first time in person and we had a great time. It was so nice to be with a group of people that understand the struggles you are going through, have been through, or are about to face. I normally don't "warm up" to people very quickly, but it was like I'd known these four forever! I hope we do it again soon.
This weekend my big task is to try and remove some clutter from my life. For some reason, I never want to let go of anything, but it's time to move out the old so that the new can come my way. DH better watch out because he may just be one of those old things I toss out - HA HA! I'm just tired of being surrounded by stuff that needs to be maintained and that no longer brings me joy. I guess it's time for a yard sale . .
Have a great weekend, everyone!
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Week #17: Scale Went Up, But I'm Cool With It
05/14/2006
I weighed in yesterday morning and was up half a pound to 199.5. But, you know what? I'm totally okay. I wasn't exactly 100% on plan last week while I was on my business trip. I did GREAT on exercise, but I didn't do so well with the water. I think I was talking too much to get all the water in - LOL! And, even though I made healthy choices at mealtime, I probably took three more bites than I should have. So, that's why I'm cool with a half a pound increase. I felt like I indulged a bit last week, but managed to pretty much maintain my weight. That tells me that I'm really starting to get control of this eating thing. And, it lets me know that I can lose this weight and keep it off for the rest of my life.
It's funny when you reach this realization. . .
Suddenly, the number on the scale isn't that important. What use to be an opportunity to belittle myself has turned into something as important as looking at a clock - you need to know what time it is, but there's just no use in getting freaked.
Plus, I'm noticing a huge change in the shape of my body. It's almost like those weeks where I was losing very little or nothing at all were the time my body needed to adjust to the weight loss. It is so apparent that even I notice a difference in the mirror. A few people have commented and Vince has really made a big deal about the change. So, how could I possibly be down in the dumps when my body is starting to adopt the shape that it will ultimately become?
Watch out . . . I'm gonna be HOT. LOL!
Oh wait, I am hot already! :)
I've also been reading an interesting book this week called "Burnt Toast" by Teri Hatcher. Now, I'm not a huge fan or anything, but when I picked up the book and read the back, something just spoke to me, so I made the purchase. As I'm reading this book I'm thinking, "My goodness, I could have written this thing!" Sure, there's some stuff that doesn't apply to me, (i.e. the last time I checked I wasn't living in LA and appearing on TV), but her self-image and the rebuilding of her self-image is VERY familiar. She and I share the same views of media's protrayal of women, and she made me look at the whole weight issue from a different angle. I'll warn you, she can become a bit of a potty mouth at times, but it's an enjoyable read.
So, anyway, today marks the beginning of another week. Another opportunity for me to take steps to improve my health. Another opportunity to possitively impact other peoples' lives. Another opportunity to do something wonderful for myself.
Yes, I've turned corney over night . .
With friendship,
Care'
I weighed in yesterday morning and was up half a pound to 199.5. But, you know what? I'm totally okay. I wasn't exactly 100% on plan last week while I was on my business trip. I did GREAT on exercise, but I didn't do so well with the water. I think I was talking too much to get all the water in - LOL! And, even though I made healthy choices at mealtime, I probably took three more bites than I should have. So, that's why I'm cool with a half a pound increase. I felt like I indulged a bit last week, but managed to pretty much maintain my weight. That tells me that I'm really starting to get control of this eating thing. And, it lets me know that I can lose this weight and keep it off for the rest of my life.
It's funny when you reach this realization. . .
Suddenly, the number on the scale isn't that important. What use to be an opportunity to belittle myself has turned into something as important as looking at a clock - you need to know what time it is, but there's just no use in getting freaked.
Plus, I'm noticing a huge change in the shape of my body. It's almost like those weeks where I was losing very little or nothing at all were the time my body needed to adjust to the weight loss. It is so apparent that even I notice a difference in the mirror. A few people have commented and Vince has really made a big deal about the change. So, how could I possibly be down in the dumps when my body is starting to adopt the shape that it will ultimately become?
Watch out . . . I'm gonna be HOT. LOL!
Oh wait, I am hot already! :)
I've also been reading an interesting book this week called "Burnt Toast" by Teri Hatcher. Now, I'm not a huge fan or anything, but when I picked up the book and read the back, something just spoke to me, so I made the purchase. As I'm reading this book I'm thinking, "My goodness, I could have written this thing!" Sure, there's some stuff that doesn't apply to me, (i.e. the last time I checked I wasn't living in LA and appearing on TV), but her self-image and the rebuilding of her self-image is VERY familiar. She and I share the same views of media's protrayal of women, and she made me look at the whole weight issue from a different angle. I'll warn you, she can become a bit of a potty mouth at times, but it's an enjoyable read.
So, anyway, today marks the beginning of another week. Another opportunity for me to take steps to improve my health. Another opportunity to possitively impact other peoples' lives. Another opportunity to do something wonderful for myself.
Yes, I've turned corney over night . .
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, May 06, 2006
How I Cured my Craving for Chocolate
It's rare that I post more than once in a day, but this is just too good not to share.
So I'm at work (not getting much done) and I decide it's time for a chocolate fix. There's this one guy I work with that ALWAYS has mini-Reese's at his desk, so I decided to go grab a couple. I know, I know . . . I don't NEED them . . . I WANT them. . .
So, I go back there and, yep, there's the basket of Reese's. I grab two and something on his desk catches my eye. It's kind of strange looking so I bend over for a closer look.
It's a clear bag full of eyeballs (about 30).
I laugh - what a prankster he is - HA HA HA.
I decide that I'm going to mess with HIM before he gets a chance to mess with me! Visions (pun intended) of putting the eyeballs in his desk, on top of his monitor, on his phone, inside empty Reese's wrappers, etc. dance through my head. This will be especially funny because I'll be out of town next week. MMMMUUUUHHHAHAHAHAHA!
I reach out to pick up the bag-o-eyeballs. My fingertips are within millimeters of the bag when I remember . . . my co-worker has a glass eye!
So, I almost played what would have been a REALLY MEAN joke on someone!
Also . . . EEEEEEWWWWW!
The EEEEEEWWWW comes in not because he has a glass eye, but bececuase I almost touched someone's eyeball! I mean, I know glass eyeballs probably feel like marbles, but they look so real that I expect them to FEEL real.
So, after that little "eye-opening" experience, I decided that maybe I didn't want any chocolate after all. I mean, how could I eat with everyone starring at me??????
Here's looking at you,
Care'
So I'm at work (not getting much done) and I decide it's time for a chocolate fix. There's this one guy I work with that ALWAYS has mini-Reese's at his desk, so I decided to go grab a couple. I know, I know . . . I don't NEED them . . . I WANT them. . .
So, I go back there and, yep, there's the basket of Reese's. I grab two and something on his desk catches my eye. It's kind of strange looking so I bend over for a closer look.
It's a clear bag full of eyeballs (about 30).
I laugh - what a prankster he is - HA HA HA.
I decide that I'm going to mess with HIM before he gets a chance to mess with me! Visions (pun intended) of putting the eyeballs in his desk, on top of his monitor, on his phone, inside empty Reese's wrappers, etc. dance through my head. This will be especially funny because I'll be out of town next week. MMMMUUUUHHHAHAHAHAHA!
I reach out to pick up the bag-o-eyeballs. My fingertips are within millimeters of the bag when I remember . . . my co-worker has a glass eye!
So, I almost played what would have been a REALLY MEAN joke on someone!
Also . . . EEEEEEWWWWW!
The EEEEEEWWWW comes in not because he has a glass eye, but bececuase I almost touched someone's eyeball! I mean, I know glass eyeballs probably feel like marbles, but they look so real that I expect them to FEEL real.
So, after that little "eye-opening" experience, I decided that maybe I didn't want any chocolate after all. I mean, how could I eat with everyone starring at me??????
Here's looking at you,
Care'
Week #16 - ONEDERLAND!
05/06/2006
Yeah, you heard me.
I'm in ONEDERLAND, baby! And it feels great!
I tell ya, I've been doing the happy dance all day. I feel like I could just shout because I'm so thrilled! Maybe being stuck for those 4 weeks has helped make this sweeter . . . who knows?
Okay, so, next week I'll be traveling to Ohio on a business trip, and I'm worried. I'm not worried about the food, because I know I can handle that . . . I proved it on my last trip when I came back home with a 5 pound loss. What I'm worried about is exercise.
You see, before my last trip (back in February) I had gotten into a very good routine. When I went on the business trip I fell out of it because (a) the hotel we stay at doesn't have exercise facilities, (b) we end up working pretty late because we're with the client all day and have to work in the evenings, and (c) I don't have a DVD player in my laptop to bring along exercise DVDs.
After that last trip I just could NOT get back into the routine. In fact, it has only been in the last two weeks that I've re-established the routine, and now I have to break it again.
So, I'm counting on my blog buddies to give me a good kick in the butt next Saturday so that I'll get back on track.
With friendship,
Care'
Yeah, you heard me.
I'm in ONEDERLAND, baby! And it feels great!
I tell ya, I've been doing the happy dance all day. I feel like I could just shout because I'm so thrilled! Maybe being stuck for those 4 weeks has helped make this sweeter . . . who knows?
Okay, so, next week I'll be traveling to Ohio on a business trip, and I'm worried. I'm not worried about the food, because I know I can handle that . . . I proved it on my last trip when I came back home with a 5 pound loss. What I'm worried about is exercise.
You see, before my last trip (back in February) I had gotten into a very good routine. When I went on the business trip I fell out of it because (a) the hotel we stay at doesn't have exercise facilities, (b) we end up working pretty late because we're with the client all day and have to work in the evenings, and (c) I don't have a DVD player in my laptop to bring along exercise DVDs.
After that last trip I just could NOT get back into the routine. In fact, it has only been in the last two weeks that I've re-established the routine, and now I have to break it again.
So, I'm counting on my blog buddies to give me a good kick in the butt next Saturday so that I'll get back on track.
With friendship,
Care'
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Dancing on the Troll Bridge
05/04/2006
It finally happened!
I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed in at 200 pounds! That is a very major milestone for me and I am so exicited to finally be here. Just a sad little half a pound more and I'm in onederland!
Next mini-goal = 195.
I guess the only bad news is that exercise really IS important! LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
It finally happened!
I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed in at 200 pounds! That is a very major milestone for me and I am so exicited to finally be here. Just a sad little half a pound more and I'm in onederland!
Next mini-goal = 195.
I guess the only bad news is that exercise really IS important! LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Week #15 - That Scale is MOVING Again!
04/29/2006
FINALLY!
The scale showed a 2 pound loss this week! WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
I'm now at 201 - just two sad little pounds away from Onederland! And, I've earned my 30 pound bear! I sure had to work hard for that little guy!
With friendship,
Care'
FINALLY!
The scale showed a 2 pound loss this week! WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
I'm now at 201 - just two sad little pounds away from Onederland! And, I've earned my 30 pound bear! I sure had to work hard for that little guy!
With friendship,
Care'
Friday, April 28, 2006
Everyone is Safe Again - LOL!
04/28/2006
You'll be happy to know that I didn't hit, punch, slap or flick anyone yesterday, despite my burning desire to do so! LOL!
I think I'm going to take Diane's advice and try to establish some boundries. I don't know if it's too late or not, but it can't hurt to try, right? I mentioned to my boss that there was a task on my plate that I felt could be handled by one of my co-workers. I about fell out of my chair when he agreed. I also let him know that I was felling a little burnt out. I know that won't change my workload, but maybe he'll give me some slack. We'll see.
On another topic, I was on The Jazzman's site today and Neil posted this video. I have tears in my eyes, so you MUST check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
How many calories do you think this will burn?
With friendship,
Care'
You'll be happy to know that I didn't hit, punch, slap or flick anyone yesterday, despite my burning desire to do so! LOL!
I think I'm going to take Diane's advice and try to establish some boundries. I don't know if it's too late or not, but it can't hurt to try, right? I mentioned to my boss that there was a task on my plate that I felt could be handled by one of my co-workers. I about fell out of my chair when he agreed. I also let him know that I was felling a little burnt out. I know that won't change my workload, but maybe he'll give me some slack. We'll see.
On another topic, I was on The Jazzman's site today and Neil posted this video. I have tears in my eyes, so you MUST check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
How many calories do you think this will burn?
With friendship,
Care'
Thursday, April 27, 2006
UGH! Sometimes it's all Just too Much
04/27/2006
Do you ever feel completely and totally overwhelmed? Lately that seems to be a constant state for me. Work has been CRAZY and there's no sign of it ever letting up. In fact, I'm getting a little sick of working 50 hours a week and STILL not getting everything done and getting beat up for it. I'm in a project manager position for a couple of our clients so, if the work isn't done on time, then I'm the one in the firing line. Then, they call the boss and he gripes at me. He wants to know what I need to make it better, I tell him, but I never get what I need. The truth of it is that we are seriously understaffed and overworked. This is not an exaggeration . . I literally walk in the door on Monday with over 100 hours of work to do each week. How is that possible to accomplish? And, we continue to take on more business. The amazing thing is that we usually get it all done, but at what cost? I see my co-workers burning out and, quite frankly, I think I'm starting to get a little singed around the edges myself.
That's very discouraging for me, because I'm such a go-getter. I love to work hard and take what seems impossible and make it happen. But I'm finding that, the harder I work, the harder I'm expected to work. I find it very difficult to get motivated when I know the tasks are not possible to accomplish and when there is no reward at the end except for more work. I seriously could work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and STILL not be done. And, I'm not really doing anything important! If I were finding the cure for cancer or something I might feel a little less bitter about the time commitment.
It really frustrates me that I need to work all these weekends, too. What about my family? What about ME? I feel guilty if I'm working because I'm not with the family. I feel guilty if I *gasp* take the weekend off because I should be working. My house is a wreak because I don't have time to clean. We almost ran out of underwear the other day because I haven't had a chance to do laundry!
I'm finding it really hard to motivate my team when I want to walk out the door myself. No lie . . . I said to myself the other day "I just want to go home." Problem is - I was still at home sitting in the bathtub getting ready to go to work! That's pretty bad!
I really like what I do, but the conditions under which I'm having to do it just isn't working for me. It's hard to believe that only a week ago I was questioning if it was time to move on. I think I have my answer now - LOL! Now, if only the other job will call! Hopefully I'll hear something soon. The idea of being able to work from home two days a week is so appealing. I mean, I might actually have a chance to wash the underwear . . .
Now, top all of this off with me fretting over my weight and we have a powder keg here. My normal coping mechanism of eating is no longer an option. Fortunately, I've only had a couple of times when I wanted to eat, so I've been able to control that. The problem is that I'm finding that I want to hit someone instead! You know, really sock it to 'em - knock the crap out of 'em! But, I can't do that either. Can I?
Perhaps I should take up boxing?
This is somewhat comical to me since I'm such a non-violent person! Like right now, right this minute, if someone were to come up and ask me a dumb question (which is an hourly occurance) I'd like to just pop 'em one. Even if it was just to flick them with my finger . . .
Okay, now I'm laughing at myself. Could you imagine the look on their face? LOL!
Gee, I feel better now. This blog thing really is useful!
All right, back to work for me since the pile isn't getting any smaller. I promise I won't hit anyone. . . today . . . LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Do you ever feel completely and totally overwhelmed? Lately that seems to be a constant state for me. Work has been CRAZY and there's no sign of it ever letting up. In fact, I'm getting a little sick of working 50 hours a week and STILL not getting everything done and getting beat up for it. I'm in a project manager position for a couple of our clients so, if the work isn't done on time, then I'm the one in the firing line. Then, they call the boss and he gripes at me. He wants to know what I need to make it better, I tell him, but I never get what I need. The truth of it is that we are seriously understaffed and overworked. This is not an exaggeration . . I literally walk in the door on Monday with over 100 hours of work to do each week. How is that possible to accomplish? And, we continue to take on more business. The amazing thing is that we usually get it all done, but at what cost? I see my co-workers burning out and, quite frankly, I think I'm starting to get a little singed around the edges myself.
That's very discouraging for me, because I'm such a go-getter. I love to work hard and take what seems impossible and make it happen. But I'm finding that, the harder I work, the harder I'm expected to work. I find it very difficult to get motivated when I know the tasks are not possible to accomplish and when there is no reward at the end except for more work. I seriously could work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week and STILL not be done. And, I'm not really doing anything important! If I were finding the cure for cancer or something I might feel a little less bitter about the time commitment.
It really frustrates me that I need to work all these weekends, too. What about my family? What about ME? I feel guilty if I'm working because I'm not with the family. I feel guilty if I *gasp* take the weekend off because I should be working. My house is a wreak because I don't have time to clean. We almost ran out of underwear the other day because I haven't had a chance to do laundry!
I'm finding it really hard to motivate my team when I want to walk out the door myself. No lie . . . I said to myself the other day "I just want to go home." Problem is - I was still at home sitting in the bathtub getting ready to go to work! That's pretty bad!
I really like what I do, but the conditions under which I'm having to do it just isn't working for me. It's hard to believe that only a week ago I was questioning if it was time to move on. I think I have my answer now - LOL! Now, if only the other job will call! Hopefully I'll hear something soon. The idea of being able to work from home two days a week is so appealing. I mean, I might actually have a chance to wash the underwear . . .
Now, top all of this off with me fretting over my weight and we have a powder keg here. My normal coping mechanism of eating is no longer an option. Fortunately, I've only had a couple of times when I wanted to eat, so I've been able to control that. The problem is that I'm finding that I want to hit someone instead! You know, really sock it to 'em - knock the crap out of 'em! But, I can't do that either. Can I?
Perhaps I should take up boxing?
This is somewhat comical to me since I'm such a non-violent person! Like right now, right this minute, if someone were to come up and ask me a dumb question (which is an hourly occurance) I'd like to just pop 'em one. Even if it was just to flick them with my finger . . .
Okay, now I'm laughing at myself. Could you imagine the look on their face? LOL!
Gee, I feel better now. This blog thing really is useful!
All right, back to work for me since the pile isn't getting any smaller. I promise I won't hit anyone. . . today . . . LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Week #14: Recommitment Time
04/23/2006
Did you wonder where I was yesterday? Well, let me tell you . . .
DH decided that it was time to purchase an XBOX 360. Now, you would think that once you purchased the system and a few games, that you were pretty much done, right? WRONG! In order to hook the thing up to our home entertainment system, you have to remove wires, replace wires, move furniture, reposition components, etc. That also meant we had to decide where to put the old XBOX, which meant two other rooms suddenly came into play. Then, to add another element to the mix, DH decided that he wanted XBOX Live.
So, I spent most of the morning learning how to set up a wireless network in my house and going shopping for the necessary equipment. Once I had all that, I had to do some stuff to my PC then start working on all the equipment. DH even had to modify the entertainment center. So, you can imagine how full that day was.
There are two things that will cause DH and I to fight - one is hanging wallpaper and the other is dealing with our entertainment system.
Surprisingly, it went VERY smoothly and no one was called any names. WOO HOO!
Now, you may have noticed in the results section on the right that, once again, I posted no loss. Yep, that's right.
So, I decided that maybe it was time to take a look at what I've been doing the last few weeks and see where there was room for improvement. Right away I recognized that I have not been consistent with exercise. Also, since I had a client in town last week, there were a few meals eaten out. For two of those meals I did NOT make good choices. Also, I have only been drinking the minimum 64 oz of water lately whereas I use to get in 128 oz.
Therefore, yesterday morning was "Recommitment Time." Starting yesterday, I decided that I would:
1. Exercise every morning like I was doing back in January and February.
2. Consume a minimum of 100 oz of water each day.
3. Stick to the diet plan 100%.
I'm tired of being over 200 pounds. Yes, that's still a milestone goal for me, but I've decided to not focus on it anymore. I've decided to look beyond that 200 mark and start focusing on 181, which is the official half way mark. I also told DH to not tie his quitting smoking to my weight loss. I think that may have been putting pressure on me that I didn't need. (Besides, if he wants to quit smoking, then he should do it for himself, not for me, right?) I'll lose the weight with time when my body is ready to, and having those extra "goals" seem to be more of a negative than a positive incentive for me. I'm happier in my body right now that I have been in a very long time and I'm looking forward to getting even happier.
With friendship,
Care'
Did you wonder where I was yesterday? Well, let me tell you . . .
DH decided that it was time to purchase an XBOX 360. Now, you would think that once you purchased the system and a few games, that you were pretty much done, right? WRONG! In order to hook the thing up to our home entertainment system, you have to remove wires, replace wires, move furniture, reposition components, etc. That also meant we had to decide where to put the old XBOX, which meant two other rooms suddenly came into play. Then, to add another element to the mix, DH decided that he wanted XBOX Live.
So, I spent most of the morning learning how to set up a wireless network in my house and going shopping for the necessary equipment. Once I had all that, I had to do some stuff to my PC then start working on all the equipment. DH even had to modify the entertainment center. So, you can imagine how full that day was.
There are two things that will cause DH and I to fight - one is hanging wallpaper and the other is dealing with our entertainment system.
Surprisingly, it went VERY smoothly and no one was called any names. WOO HOO!
Now, you may have noticed in the results section on the right that, once again, I posted no loss. Yep, that's right.
So, I decided that maybe it was time to take a look at what I've been doing the last few weeks and see where there was room for improvement. Right away I recognized that I have not been consistent with exercise. Also, since I had a client in town last week, there were a few meals eaten out. For two of those meals I did NOT make good choices. Also, I have only been drinking the minimum 64 oz of water lately whereas I use to get in 128 oz.
Therefore, yesterday morning was "Recommitment Time." Starting yesterday, I decided that I would:
1. Exercise every morning like I was doing back in January and February.
2. Consume a minimum of 100 oz of water each day.
3. Stick to the diet plan 100%.
I'm tired of being over 200 pounds. Yes, that's still a milestone goal for me, but I've decided to not focus on it anymore. I've decided to look beyond that 200 mark and start focusing on 181, which is the official half way mark. I also told DH to not tie his quitting smoking to my weight loss. I think that may have been putting pressure on me that I didn't need. (Besides, if he wants to quit smoking, then he should do it for himself, not for me, right?) I'll lose the weight with time when my body is ready to, and having those extra "goals" seem to be more of a negative than a positive incentive for me. I'm happier in my body right now that I have been in a very long time and I'm looking forward to getting even happier.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Week #13: Back on Track
04/15/2006
I'm happy to report a 1 pound loss this week. I was really hoping to lose another 1.5 on top of that, but, hey, no sense in being greedy, right?
As I mentioned previously, I'm considering a job change. Last week I had lunch with the individual I'd be working for if I were to take the job. (The job is with my former company - same department but different responsibilities). I really like this guy. He reminds me of a previous boss that I really enjoyed working with.
We talked about job responsibilities and everything sounds great. Challenging and interesting with plenty of opportunity for me to grow. In fact, I could probably get my Seibel Certification paid for. We had a brief email exchange about salary and benefits. I mean, I really shot for the stars - not for the moon, because I didn't want to scare them off - but high enough to really get me to consider it. He didn't blink.
This all sounds great, doesn't it? And, it really is! The biggest challenge is that I think I'd feel guilty if I left my current job. I know, I know . . . it's a job. But this company gave me a chance and has paid me pretty well. I get to wear jeans every day, am a team lead, etc. In fact, I'm even being considered for a couple of other positions here. I can pretty much pick which way I want to go.
When I compare the jobs side by side, the new one has a few more perks:
-3 weeks of vacation plus holidays (it's a bank - lol) versus 2 weeks vacation
-AVP title
-Ability to work from home 2 days a week
-Health insurance - I have it now, but not on Vince and Jake. That's an out of pocket expense now.
-Life & disability insurance on me and Vince, as opposed to none.
-401k
-SIGNIFICANTLY less stress.
-No more travel unless it was very unusual.
etc. etc.
I would be giving up:
-Super short drive to work. My current commute is about 12 minutes. It would go up to about 45 minutes.
-Being casual at work. It took a while to get use to, but I sure do like it.
Wow, when you write it out like that it seems pretty obvious . . "suck it up, girl and put on those hose and get in the car!" LOL!
I don't know. I both love and hate my current job, if that makes any sense. It's extremely hectic and crazy and working 80 hours a week will never get the work done. Sometimes that's very exhilirating. Other times it's a big pain in the butt.
Okay . . . so . . . poll time . . .
Current Job?
New Job?
I put my fate in your hands! :)
Care'
I'm happy to report a 1 pound loss this week. I was really hoping to lose another 1.5 on top of that, but, hey, no sense in being greedy, right?
As I mentioned previously, I'm considering a job change. Last week I had lunch with the individual I'd be working for if I were to take the job. (The job is with my former company - same department but different responsibilities). I really like this guy. He reminds me of a previous boss that I really enjoyed working with.
We talked about job responsibilities and everything sounds great. Challenging and interesting with plenty of opportunity for me to grow. In fact, I could probably get my Seibel Certification paid for. We had a brief email exchange about salary and benefits. I mean, I really shot for the stars - not for the moon, because I didn't want to scare them off - but high enough to really get me to consider it. He didn't blink.
This all sounds great, doesn't it? And, it really is! The biggest challenge is that I think I'd feel guilty if I left my current job. I know, I know . . . it's a job. But this company gave me a chance and has paid me pretty well. I get to wear jeans every day, am a team lead, etc. In fact, I'm even being considered for a couple of other positions here. I can pretty much pick which way I want to go.
When I compare the jobs side by side, the new one has a few more perks:
-3 weeks of vacation plus holidays (it's a bank - lol) versus 2 weeks vacation
-AVP title
-Ability to work from home 2 days a week
-Health insurance - I have it now, but not on Vince and Jake. That's an out of pocket expense now.
-Life & disability insurance on me and Vince, as opposed to none.
-401k
-SIGNIFICANTLY less stress.
-No more travel unless it was very unusual.
etc. etc.
I would be giving up:
-Super short drive to work. My current commute is about 12 minutes. It would go up to about 45 minutes.
-Being casual at work. It took a while to get use to, but I sure do like it.
Wow, when you write it out like that it seems pretty obvious . . "suck it up, girl and put on those hose and get in the car!" LOL!
I don't know. I both love and hate my current job, if that makes any sense. It's extremely hectic and crazy and working 80 hours a week will never get the work done. Sometimes that's very exhilirating. Other times it's a big pain in the butt.
Okay . . . so . . . poll time . . .
Current Job?
New Job?
I put my fate in your hands! :)
Care'
Sunday, April 09, 2006
The 200 Pound Troll
04/09/2006
Yesterday I mentioned that the 200 number may be giving me a scare. After some reflection, I think that really may be true.
You see, when I was younger, I remember thinking that I'd NEVER allow myself to reach 200 lbs. That, if for some reason I hit the 199 mark, I'd immediately get myself on track and drop the weight. I envisoned this scary little troll standing at the 200 lb bridge guarding it.
At some point in my life, 200 came and went. I believe that point occured when I was pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant I had lost weight and went from 186 down to around 160. When I found out I was pregnant, I gave in to all those temptations and put on 60 lbs. Pregnant women are supposed to be fat, right? I do remember that, while I was pregnant I truly felt good about my body for the first time in my life. It's like I gave myself permission to be fat.
So you see, during my pregnancy I came up to the 200 lb bridge and decided that the troll wasn't that scary after all. In fact, I belive I enjoyed a nice dinner of pizza and cake with him. He let me pass, of course.
After delivering Jacob I managed to get down below the 200 lb point again, but, since I had fond memories of a great meal with the little troll, I found myself visiting that place often. 202, 198, 204, 196, 208, 195, 210, 190 . . . .
I managed to travel pretty far past that bridge, reaching the 238 point. At 238 I didn't like how I felt. I didn't care so much about how I looked, but I hated the fact that I was tired all the time and couldn't go up a flight of stairs without my heart racing.
I think I blindly traveled from 200 to 238 by constantly reflecting on how my life SHOULD have turned out. I should have married the guy I dated in high school . . . I should have taken that job at the law firm . . . I should have finished my Master's degree . . . you know how it goes. All those "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that make you feel like a failure in your current situation.
I think the first trigger that made me stop from going past 238 was our house fire back on December 18. We were extremely fortunate that we were able to put the fire out ourselves and had only minimal losses, but it still disrupted my life enough to make me think about what I had and where I was. Yes, we don't have a fancy house and we don't drive fancy cars. But, we live in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and a terrific school district. Yes, I have to work for a living as opposed to being a stay-at-home mome, but we don't go hungry and aren't constantly worried about money.
As I kept reflecting on all of this "stuff" that we adults reflect on from time to time, I realized that, if I didn't get control of my weight, then I would be in big trouble health-wise. As I started to lose the 6.5 lbs I would ultimately lose before joining NS, I still found myself thinking about how different my life could be if I had made different decisions. I actually got quite obsessed in trying to track down old friends and boyfriends to see if their lives were better than mine.
Pathectic, isn't it?
It was on a drive home from work one day that I realized what I was doing, and thus began what I'm referring to as my mid-life crisis. Yes, it's early to have a mid-life crisis, but I'm an overachiever.
So, some time in mid-January I realized that I had allowed other people - whether in my life now or in my life previously - to dictate my journey. I decided that I wanted to be in charge. In was around January 14th that I started NS as a way to take control of my health.
With some newfound spunk and a growing spine, I started my journey to return home to good old 135. I was excited. I was motivated. Nothing was going to stop me.
About three weeks ago something started to feel "off". I found myself not following the plan 100%. I found myself not exercising. I found myself eating a little more than I should. I never ditched the plan completely - just did enough to say I was 90% on plan - that's still an A, right?
Now that I've hit the 204 mark, I realize that I'm nervous about the 200 lb troll. Yes, my previous visits have been pleasant, but I don't think that will be the case this time. When I meet him he will offer me pizza and cake, and I'll refuse and have celery and carrots instead. When I ask him if I can pass, he won't let me because he will see in my heart that I will never come back to visit him again. I know there will be a challenge. Will I be able to meet the challenge head on and pass? Will I be strong enough to fight if I have to?
So, here I am today. I've made it to 203.5 and am within walking distance of the 200 lb bridge. I'd like to get to 201.5 because that's an even 30 lbs, but that's so close to the bridge that I know the troll might see me. Part of me wants to run to the bridge and face the challenge head on. Part of me wants to go back to 210 where I was more comfortable.
I know I will face the troll. I must. I just need to figure out how to meet the challenge head on and succeed.
With friendship,
Care'
Yesterday I mentioned that the 200 number may be giving me a scare. After some reflection, I think that really may be true.
You see, when I was younger, I remember thinking that I'd NEVER allow myself to reach 200 lbs. That, if for some reason I hit the 199 mark, I'd immediately get myself on track and drop the weight. I envisoned this scary little troll standing at the 200 lb bridge guarding it.
At some point in my life, 200 came and went. I believe that point occured when I was pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant I had lost weight and went from 186 down to around 160. When I found out I was pregnant, I gave in to all those temptations and put on 60 lbs. Pregnant women are supposed to be fat, right? I do remember that, while I was pregnant I truly felt good about my body for the first time in my life. It's like I gave myself permission to be fat.
So you see, during my pregnancy I came up to the 200 lb bridge and decided that the troll wasn't that scary after all. In fact, I belive I enjoyed a nice dinner of pizza and cake with him. He let me pass, of course.
After delivering Jacob I managed to get down below the 200 lb point again, but, since I had fond memories of a great meal with the little troll, I found myself visiting that place often. 202, 198, 204, 196, 208, 195, 210, 190 . . . .
I managed to travel pretty far past that bridge, reaching the 238 point. At 238 I didn't like how I felt. I didn't care so much about how I looked, but I hated the fact that I was tired all the time and couldn't go up a flight of stairs without my heart racing.
I think I blindly traveled from 200 to 238 by constantly reflecting on how my life SHOULD have turned out. I should have married the guy I dated in high school . . . I should have taken that job at the law firm . . . I should have finished my Master's degree . . . you know how it goes. All those "woulda, coulda, shouldas" that make you feel like a failure in your current situation.
I think the first trigger that made me stop from going past 238 was our house fire back on December 18. We were extremely fortunate that we were able to put the fire out ourselves and had only minimal losses, but it still disrupted my life enough to make me think about what I had and where I was. Yes, we don't have a fancy house and we don't drive fancy cars. But, we live in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and a terrific school district. Yes, I have to work for a living as opposed to being a stay-at-home mome, but we don't go hungry and aren't constantly worried about money.
As I kept reflecting on all of this "stuff" that we adults reflect on from time to time, I realized that, if I didn't get control of my weight, then I would be in big trouble health-wise. As I started to lose the 6.5 lbs I would ultimately lose before joining NS, I still found myself thinking about how different my life could be if I had made different decisions. I actually got quite obsessed in trying to track down old friends and boyfriends to see if their lives were better than mine.
Pathectic, isn't it?
It was on a drive home from work one day that I realized what I was doing, and thus began what I'm referring to as my mid-life crisis. Yes, it's early to have a mid-life crisis, but I'm an overachiever.
So, some time in mid-January I realized that I had allowed other people - whether in my life now or in my life previously - to dictate my journey. I decided that I wanted to be in charge. In was around January 14th that I started NS as a way to take control of my health.
With some newfound spunk and a growing spine, I started my journey to return home to good old 135. I was excited. I was motivated. Nothing was going to stop me.
About three weeks ago something started to feel "off". I found myself not following the plan 100%. I found myself not exercising. I found myself eating a little more than I should. I never ditched the plan completely - just did enough to say I was 90% on plan - that's still an A, right?
Now that I've hit the 204 mark, I realize that I'm nervous about the 200 lb troll. Yes, my previous visits have been pleasant, but I don't think that will be the case this time. When I meet him he will offer me pizza and cake, and I'll refuse and have celery and carrots instead. When I ask him if I can pass, he won't let me because he will see in my heart that I will never come back to visit him again. I know there will be a challenge. Will I be able to meet the challenge head on and pass? Will I be strong enough to fight if I have to?
So, here I am today. I've made it to 203.5 and am within walking distance of the 200 lb bridge. I'd like to get to 201.5 because that's an even 30 lbs, but that's so close to the bridge that I know the troll might see me. Part of me wants to run to the bridge and face the challenge head on. Part of me wants to go back to 210 where I was more comfortable.
I know I will face the troll. I must. I just need to figure out how to meet the challenge head on and succeed.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Week #12 Results: The Big Zero . . .
04/08/2006
Well, it was bound to happen . . . a week with no loss.
SIGH.
I knew the day would come when the scale would mock me with the same number as the week before. I know that the day will come when it will (GASP) show me a larger number than before. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I figured I'd get down to around 175 before this happened.
SIGH.
Okay, so, time for the Polyanna in me to come out . . .
1. I didn't GAIN!
2. I managed to maintain my loss even though I wasn't 100% on plan.
3. I managed to maintain my loss even though I didn't exercise all week long.
4. I didn't GAIN!
5. I still lost inches.
6. I was able to wear an an outfit yesterday that I haven't worn in a year.
7. I didn't GAIN!
8. I received two separate compliments this week on my appearance.
9. I didn't go completely crazy with extras this week despite a pretty rough week.
10. I didn't GAIN!
Okay, so now I need to get up off my butt, put on my workout clothes and hit the treadmill . . . and drink all that water . . . and not eat the extra stuff . . .
SIGH
Okay, time to face the Evil Care' . . .
How come I know what I'm supposed to do but I don't want to do it? Is it possible that being under 200 scares me? I haven't been under 200 lbs in 9 years, and that was after I had been on Phen-Fen and lost a lot of weight. So, if you exclude that brief 3 month period where I was at 160, it's been since 1995 that I've weighed under 200.
I honestly think I'm dreading hitting 200, because that's been such a huge milestone for me. What it basically means is that, once I hit 200, I will have to begin the journey down to my ultimate goal weight. So, from 231.5 to 200 was only 31.5 lbs, and that sure seemed doable (and has very much been doable). But something about going from 200 to 135 sounds so insurmountable. That's 65 lbs! Plus, consider that I've been thinking of changing my goal from 135 to 131.5 to make it an even 100 lb weight loss.
Okay, I realize I'm being a big whiner here.
I realize that I can break up the weight into more manageable "chucks".
I realize that I'm being 100% ridiculious.
But, for some reason, I'm having trouble getting past this.
What that usually means is there is some emotional demon I am about to face and, to be perfectly honest, I just don't want to face another one right now. The last few have left me drained and the thought of going through that again - all the tears, all the doubt, all the pain, makes me just want to EAT. I know I'm a better person having faced those issues, and I know I'll be even better after I face whatever it is that's about to come, but I'm scared, I guess. After you've been through one of those life-changing experiences and you look back on how you use to be, you get kind of disgusted - how could I have thought/felt that way?
I just don't want to THINK right now . . .
SIGH.
So, hold on folks, the next few weeks are gonna be a bumpy ride.
With friendship,
Care'
Well, it was bound to happen . . . a week with no loss.
SIGH.
I knew the day would come when the scale would mock me with the same number as the week before. I know that the day will come when it will (GASP) show me a larger number than before. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I figured I'd get down to around 175 before this happened.
SIGH.
Okay, so, time for the Polyanna in me to come out . . .
1. I didn't GAIN!
2. I managed to maintain my loss even though I wasn't 100% on plan.
3. I managed to maintain my loss even though I didn't exercise all week long.
4. I didn't GAIN!
5. I still lost inches.
6. I was able to wear an an outfit yesterday that I haven't worn in a year.
7. I didn't GAIN!
8. I received two separate compliments this week on my appearance.
9. I didn't go completely crazy with extras this week despite a pretty rough week.
10. I didn't GAIN!
Okay, so now I need to get up off my butt, put on my workout clothes and hit the treadmill . . . and drink all that water . . . and not eat the extra stuff . . .
SIGH
Okay, time to face the Evil Care' . . .
How come I know what I'm supposed to do but I don't want to do it? Is it possible that being under 200 scares me? I haven't been under 200 lbs in 9 years, and that was after I had been on Phen-Fen and lost a lot of weight. So, if you exclude that brief 3 month period where I was at 160, it's been since 1995 that I've weighed under 200.
I honestly think I'm dreading hitting 200, because that's been such a huge milestone for me. What it basically means is that, once I hit 200, I will have to begin the journey down to my ultimate goal weight. So, from 231.5 to 200 was only 31.5 lbs, and that sure seemed doable (and has very much been doable). But something about going from 200 to 135 sounds so insurmountable. That's 65 lbs! Plus, consider that I've been thinking of changing my goal from 135 to 131.5 to make it an even 100 lb weight loss.
Okay, I realize I'm being a big whiner here.
I realize that I can break up the weight into more manageable "chucks".
I realize that I'm being 100% ridiculious.
But, for some reason, I'm having trouble getting past this.
What that usually means is there is some emotional demon I am about to face and, to be perfectly honest, I just don't want to face another one right now. The last few have left me drained and the thought of going through that again - all the tears, all the doubt, all the pain, makes me just want to EAT. I know I'm a better person having faced those issues, and I know I'll be even better after I face whatever it is that's about to come, but I'm scared, I guess. After you've been through one of those life-changing experiences and you look back on how you use to be, you get kind of disgusted - how could I have thought/felt that way?
I just don't want to THINK right now . . .
SIGH.
So, hold on folks, the next few weeks are gonna be a bumpy ride.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Week #11 Results: Some Stats
04/01/2006
Ready for some exciting stats?
Another 2.5 lbs gone!
Another mini-goal met!
Total loss of 27.5 lbs!
BMI has dropped by 4.7 points!
2.5 inches lost in bust!
5 inches lost in waist!
.75 inches lost in arm!
3.75 inches lost in thigh!
4 inches lost in hips!
Wow! Am I thrilled or what? Nothing like some great stats to fuel you for the long haul! I am so excited to be within 4 lbs of the 200 mark. Vince promised me that he would quit smoking once I hit 199, so I'm super-motivated to hit that goal ASAP. If I keep dropping 2.5 lbs every week like I have the last few weeks, then that's only 2 weeks away.
Today we are celebrating Jacob's 8th birthday, and tomorrow I have to work all day :(. So, this weekend will be a busy one for me.
I'll write more later when I don't have an 8-year-old standing next to me saying "Can we go, now, huh? huh? Can we go?" LOL!
With friendship,
Care
Ready for some exciting stats?
Another 2.5 lbs gone!
Another mini-goal met!
Total loss of 27.5 lbs!
BMI has dropped by 4.7 points!
2.5 inches lost in bust!
5 inches lost in waist!
.75 inches lost in arm!
3.75 inches lost in thigh!
4 inches lost in hips!
Wow! Am I thrilled or what? Nothing like some great stats to fuel you for the long haul! I am so excited to be within 4 lbs of the 200 mark. Vince promised me that he would quit smoking once I hit 199, so I'm super-motivated to hit that goal ASAP. If I keep dropping 2.5 lbs every week like I have the last few weeks, then that's only 2 weeks away.
Today we are celebrating Jacob's 8th birthday, and tomorrow I have to work all day :(. So, this weekend will be a busy one for me.
I'll write more later when I don't have an 8-year-old standing next to me saying "Can we go, now, huh? huh? Can we go?" LOL!
With friendship,
Care
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
So, Where Have I Been Lately?
03/28/2006
You may have noticed I haven't been posting as much lately. Nothing bad has happened, it's just been so busy. It seems like today has been the first day I could catch my breath in a very long time.
I've been working a LOT of hours the last few weeks and we're in the final stages of development on a piece of software for one of my clients. Plus, I had the client on site last week which pretty much meant I had two shadows for the entire week.
So, what's new with me?
1. Jacob turns 8 today! I cannot believe he is 8 already! He was so excited about this birthday that, when I woke up this morning, he was already dressed for school and had already eaten breakfast. Tonight we will let him stay up until 9:00 so he can watch TWO episodes of Star Trek! LOL!
2. We have adopted a stray cat. We've had Alley (get it - Alley Cat?) for about a week and she is now in heat! So, I'm a bit sleep deprived as she is constantly howling. Fortunately, we have a spay appointment scheduled for April 7th, so the end is in sight. I now have 4 cats . . . does that make me the "cat lady?"
3. I've completely switched up my ebay business. Well, let me rephrase that . . . my ebay HOBBY. It was just getting so competitive making children's clothing that I decided to go back to what I love - quilting. I think I've found a way to incorporate my love of quilting into accessories. My first item was a bag that went for around $40, so I was pretty pleased. I also changed my business name, so you can imagine all the work that comes with that (business cards, labels, website, yada, yada, yada).
4. I'm thinking of changing jobs. Yep, you heard me. This is a big one for me. I have a 2nd interview with my former employer on April 10th. The position is for a new job they are creating. It's a technical position, which I find I prefer. (I use to do marketing for them.) So, even though I haven't been offered the job yet, I'm already fretting over the decision. I like my current job a lot, but I am tired of being run ragged. And, with the issues we have with Jake from time-to-time, I think it would be better if I were more available as a parent. Of course, changing jobs would mean I'd be taken off the fast track, which is why the decision is so tough. Stay tuned for more info on this.
5. I'm still going through the mid-life crisis thing, although it's starting to feel less like a crisis and more like an awakening. I'm finding that things just don't bother me the way they use to. I still need to resolve some issues with my Dad, but I still don't think I'm quite ready to face them yet. A few months ago I felt like a 9-year old around him. Now I would say I feel more like I'm 15 - angry and defiant rather than hurt and needy. So, I guess that's a good sign that I'm maturing in that relationship. I did have a dream a few days ago that he died before I could resolve our relationship, which really got me down. So, I'm seriously considering just dropping him an email to say hello. I honestly don't think that he feels anything is wrong with our relationship, but I do, so I'd feel really guilty if I missed an opportunity.
6. As you can see from previous posts, the weight loss is progressing nicely. Yes, I would like it to occur faster, but 2.5 lbs a week is AWESOME! I'm struggling with boredom more than anything, which is why I think I've failed in other diets. At least with this one the food is already here staring at me and I hate to waste money. I really am trying to view this as a lifestyle change and start thinking about the days when I will go off of pre-packaged food and start preparing my own, healthy food. But, some days that view is hard to obtain. Practice makes perfect, right?
So, there's a brief update on what I've been up to lately. Pretty boring, eh?
With friendship,
Care'
You may have noticed I haven't been posting as much lately. Nothing bad has happened, it's just been so busy. It seems like today has been the first day I could catch my breath in a very long time.
I've been working a LOT of hours the last few weeks and we're in the final stages of development on a piece of software for one of my clients. Plus, I had the client on site last week which pretty much meant I had two shadows for the entire week.
So, what's new with me?
1. Jacob turns 8 today! I cannot believe he is 8 already! He was so excited about this birthday that, when I woke up this morning, he was already dressed for school and had already eaten breakfast. Tonight we will let him stay up until 9:00 so he can watch TWO episodes of Star Trek! LOL!
2. We have adopted a stray cat. We've had Alley (get it - Alley Cat?) for about a week and she is now in heat! So, I'm a bit sleep deprived as she is constantly howling. Fortunately, we have a spay appointment scheduled for April 7th, so the end is in sight. I now have 4 cats . . . does that make me the "cat lady?"
3. I've completely switched up my ebay business. Well, let me rephrase that . . . my ebay HOBBY. It was just getting so competitive making children's clothing that I decided to go back to what I love - quilting. I think I've found a way to incorporate my love of quilting into accessories. My first item was a bag that went for around $40, so I was pretty pleased. I also changed my business name, so you can imagine all the work that comes with that (business cards, labels, website, yada, yada, yada).
4. I'm thinking of changing jobs. Yep, you heard me. This is a big one for me. I have a 2nd interview with my former employer on April 10th. The position is for a new job they are creating. It's a technical position, which I find I prefer. (I use to do marketing for them.) So, even though I haven't been offered the job yet, I'm already fretting over the decision. I like my current job a lot, but I am tired of being run ragged. And, with the issues we have with Jake from time-to-time, I think it would be better if I were more available as a parent. Of course, changing jobs would mean I'd be taken off the fast track, which is why the decision is so tough. Stay tuned for more info on this.
5. I'm still going through the mid-life crisis thing, although it's starting to feel less like a crisis and more like an awakening. I'm finding that things just don't bother me the way they use to. I still need to resolve some issues with my Dad, but I still don't think I'm quite ready to face them yet. A few months ago I felt like a 9-year old around him. Now I would say I feel more like I'm 15 - angry and defiant rather than hurt and needy. So, I guess that's a good sign that I'm maturing in that relationship. I did have a dream a few days ago that he died before I could resolve our relationship, which really got me down. So, I'm seriously considering just dropping him an email to say hello. I honestly don't think that he feels anything is wrong with our relationship, but I do, so I'd feel really guilty if I missed an opportunity.
6. As you can see from previous posts, the weight loss is progressing nicely. Yes, I would like it to occur faster, but 2.5 lbs a week is AWESOME! I'm struggling with boredom more than anything, which is why I think I've failed in other diets. At least with this one the food is already here staring at me and I hate to waste money. I really am trying to view this as a lifestyle change and start thinking about the days when I will go off of pre-packaged food and start preparing my own, healthy food. But, some days that view is hard to obtain. Practice makes perfect, right?
So, there's a brief update on what I've been up to lately. Pretty boring, eh?
With friendship,
Care'
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