The Stress Eating Monster is Trying to Get Me!

02/27/2006

Yikes, the last few days have been a true test of my willpower. I haven't posted about the challenges we're having with our son, because, well, I'm just embarassed, to be quite honest. But, I'm at the end of that proverbable rope and am having trouble making any decisions anymore - good OR bad. I do know that taking pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard in this case) has really helped me to clarify some things and has allowed me to view them in a new light.

We've been having issues with my son (7 years old) in school. Really, the problems have been around since Kindergarten - not paying attention, getting into fights, hyperactivity, etc. In Kindergarten the behavior only occurred from time to time, so we figured he would outgrow it. In 1st grade it was a constant battle. His teacher and school principal suggested that we have him tested for ADD/ADHD. I immediately started researching ADD/ADHD and tried the natural remedies to deal with it. We had great success by simply modifying his diet (removing sugar), and the number of times we would have problems descreased.

2nd grade has been up and down. Every day I go to work hoping and praying that my cell phone won't ring. We got off to a rough start, then everything was fine for a while. Since Christmas break, however, it's been bad again. I've even gone so far as to ask the school to do emotional, psychological and physical testing on him in order to ensure he's A-okay. Who knows, maybe the fire we had back in December affected him in some way? That's been the only major "event" in our lives.

So, I have this bright, loving, intelligent little guy (his school work is very good) who has periods of time where he seems to completely lose control. His behavior can best be classified as aggressive. We've noticed that the aggressiveness is usually caused by frustration. He doesn't get his way, he doesn't understand the assignment, he doesn't think something is fair, a kid won't play with him, etc. Unfortunately, because of his "record" he has been suspended from school again. (2 times this year; 1 time last year). Tomorrow the school is making us take a tour of the alternative learning facility - i.e. the place where the "bad" kids go. I guess the tactic is to scare him straight. (Which, if he truly has an emotional/psychological problem, how will this help?)

I'm devistated, angry, upset . . . you name it.

First of all, I do NOT condone the way my child has been behaving. However, I am just a little bit upset that the school feels like this is the next step - especially when I asked them just 2 weeks ago to begin the evaluation. Also, I discovered that he had been getting sugar again at school, which he is not supposed to have. It usually takes 3 weeks off of sugar before we see an improvement in behavior and it's only been 2 weeks. So, 2 weeks ago when I met with the school I felt like we had found a possible source of the increased bad behavior and had a workable plan to help him be successful. But, now because he was aggressive toward another student on Friday we have to tour this other learning facility. (Before you think something too bad, he and another kid hit each other).

I know the school is frustrated with him - hey, so are we! I also understand that they need to ensure they are providing a safe learning environment for all the children that are there. But, I feel like they've already written him off.

Part of me wants to pull him out of public school and put him in private school, but if he can't cope in public school what makes me think he'll be able to in private school?

Another part of me wants to home school him. DH and I took a very hard look at the finances this weeknd - even considered filing bankruptcy, but the bottom line is that we just cannot afford to do it and I cannot bring myself to file bankruptcy (maybe it's all those years as a banker in me). Plus, DH doesn't want to home school, so how could that be successful? I applaud all those parents out there that do this, and I think my kid would benefit from it, but I think the parent that is doing the teaching has to believe in it and be dediated to it. I'd do it, but there's even less of a chance of us affording life than if DH were to quit his job.

Then, another part of me just wants to leave him in public school and hope for the best. He's getting a great education (we're in a wonderful school district) and he needs to learn how to deal with frustration and stress at some point - right?

The stress is starting to take a toll on my marriage. In fact, I told DH I would give him a divorce if he wanted it. No sense in both of us being balls of stress all the time, right? Plus, I've put DH through enough hell with my fear of abandonment and difficulty in receiving and giving love. I'm getting much better on that front, by the way, and our marriage has never been better! But, I see what this kid-stuff is doing to my DH. He doesn't smile anymore and he seems so angry. I don't want him to be angry and stressed. He deserves to be happy. And, my son deserves a happy home.

We talked and we're not getting a divorce (DH says I'll never get rid of him that easily), but I think it was still a good discussion nonetheless. He agreed to try and be more positive at home. Plus, he told me that, if he did leave, he would still be stressed and worry about his son as much as he does now and that he would be miserable without me on top of that. I was surprised by this statement. When my mom and bio-dad divorced, it felt like I was forgotten. Now that my mom and step-dad (who I consider my dad) are divorced, I feel forgotten all over again. It never occurred to me that DH would give our son a 2nd thought if we parted ways. Am I screwed up or what?

So, today I took the evaluations that I had DS' teachers complete in the past to his doctor, and we have an appointment on Friday to determine if he does have ADD/ADHD. Now, I do not believe he does, and I'm willing to bet a pretty penny that his doctor will say that he does not have it. But, maybe if I can prove to the school that he doesn't have it, they will back off of it. Sometimes I feel like they don't hold him accountable for his behavior because they think he can't help it. And, by the time the teachers try to get him under control it's too late. My kid is pretty manipulative - we caught him practicing crying at age 3!

I know, I sounds like I'm going back and forth, and I probably am. I'm a frustrated parent who wants the best for her kid, is tired of worrying all the time and is trying to find the key to getting her kid to behave without putting him on drugs. (I know that some parents have had great success with ADD/ADHD medications, but I'm sorry, I just won't put my kid on them.)

So, from a diet standpoint I've been very good about not eating when I'm sad, happy, despressed or stressed about work, but this kid thing is really taking its toll. I've had a migraine all day today along with an upset stomach and have pretty much just wanted to eat and cry. Of course, because DS is suspended today I'm home with him, so his presence has kept me honest. But, I'm really battling right now. My kid is more important than my waistline. I don't want to eat, but I need to calm down so I can think clearly again. Yes, eating that cheeseburger will not make me think clearly, I know that. But, at least I'd have only one argument screaming in my head instead of two.

And just when I thought I was getting all this emotional eating under control!

sigh

With friendship,

Care'