11/19/2006
So, did ya miss me last week?
I didn't post because, well, quite frankly, I was embarassed. I had managed to get back up to 189 in just a week. In seems that reaching the half way point made me feel justified in celebrating. I did do some positive celebrating - new clothes, new bike, etc. But I also did some bad celebrating - i.e. food. As far as I've come and as much as I've learned, I still don't have the food demon completely conquered.
I wonder if this is how a drug addict or alcholic feels? It's like you know it's bad for you, and you know that the immediate satisfaction you get won't last, but you do it anyway. Then, you're mad at yourself for doing it.
So, I pretty much had the "get real" discussion with myself last weekend. Or, to put it more aptly, a "get real" argument.
I think I always had it in the back of my head that, once I reached the half way point, I could stop. You see, I didn't think I'd make it this far and knew I'd never go further. So, a long time ago - years ago - I gave myself permission to get to 186 and just stop. That would be good enough. That was what I weighed when DH and I met. That was what I weighed almost 11 years ago.
The conflict came in because I didn't WANT to stop. Emotionaly I wanted to stop, but something else was wanting to go forward.
Let me tell you, being around me that last week was NOT a fun experience. DH definately earned some points last week for just staying out of my way and listening without offerring suggestions. (After all this time he's figured out when I want advice and when I don't - LOL!)
So, I guess this is a really long, rambling way of saying that I'm back on track. I do want to go forward. In fact, I want to compete. Scracth that. I don't just want to compete. I want to be competitive.
I want to push my body to become the best that it can be.
I want to be strong.
I want my kid to see me in action and be proud.
Yep, I still have some food issues, and I'll probably have them my entire life. But now I feel like there are other reasons to lose the weight.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Week #42: Sometimes You Just Gotta Graze . . .
11/06/2006
Well, the scale has me up half a pound today. I'm not surprised, really. Or, maybe I am - I'm surprised it's ONLY have a pound.
You see, I had a craving this week, that really started nagging at me last Friday. I resisted as much as I could, but found myself "eating around" the craving. Basically, instead of eating the thing I really wanted and just being done with it, I ate all this other stuff to try and satisfy me. So, instead of getting hit with one 300 calorie pop, I'll bet I ate an additional 1,500 calories this week just trying to satisfy it with healthy stuff.
It didn't work.
Last night I finally realized what I was doing and ate the darn thing I wanted in the first place.
So, what did I learn?
If you really are craving something, just eat it and move on. Now I have an additional 1,500 calories to deal with instead of 300. An expensive lesson to learn, but one that is valuable for future reference . . .
Other than that, everything has been great - especially on the exercise front. I have two more 5Ks scheculed and am training for a 10K. Also, I joined my city's natatorium yesterday, so I plan to get in some additional fitness activities. I'm looking forward to swimming again. I haven't wanted to be in a swimsuit in public for years. In fact, I still really would prefer to have another 25 pounds off of me before I subject the world to my figure. But, if I had that attitude when I started running, then I would not be where I am today. So, screw 'em. If they don't like the size of my behind, they can look elsewhere, right? :)
With friendship,
Care'
Well, the scale has me up half a pound today. I'm not surprised, really. Or, maybe I am - I'm surprised it's ONLY have a pound.
You see, I had a craving this week, that really started nagging at me last Friday. I resisted as much as I could, but found myself "eating around" the craving. Basically, instead of eating the thing I really wanted and just being done with it, I ate all this other stuff to try and satisfy me. So, instead of getting hit with one 300 calorie pop, I'll bet I ate an additional 1,500 calories this week just trying to satisfy it with healthy stuff.
It didn't work.
Last night I finally realized what I was doing and ate the darn thing I wanted in the first place.
So, what did I learn?
If you really are craving something, just eat it and move on. Now I have an additional 1,500 calories to deal with instead of 300. An expensive lesson to learn, but one that is valuable for future reference . . .
Other than that, everything has been great - especially on the exercise front. I have two more 5Ks scheculed and am training for a 10K. Also, I joined my city's natatorium yesterday, so I plan to get in some additional fitness activities. I'm looking forward to swimming again. I haven't wanted to be in a swimsuit in public for years. In fact, I still really would prefer to have another 25 pounds off of me before I subject the world to my figure. But, if I had that attitude when I started running, then I would not be where I am today. So, screw 'em. If they don't like the size of my behind, they can look elsewhere, right? :)
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Week #41: Half Way There
10/28/2006
Today marks the half-way point in my weight loss journey. That's right. Half way. Just a few months ago I didn't think I'd make it here, although I did try to hang in there and not go backwards.
At the half-way point I find that my drive to finish has only strengthened. After all, I came this far. Why stop now?
I find that I am actually enjoying exercise. I have a 5K under my belt and am training for the next one. I'm considering a 10K and am looking ahead to a half marathon. Yes, a marathon is in my future. I know it is.
I find that I actually enjoy eating salads, eating veggies, and drinking water. I like to eat and drink healthy because I like the way it makes me feel - strong, healthy, in control. This from a person that couldn't go two days without a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.
I find that I am enjoying life more. Yeah, there are people in this world that are a pain in the ass, but they don't bother me as much any more.
I find that my relationship with my son and my husband is better. It's because I am better. It's because I like myself now.
I find that I enjoy feeling the muscles in my legs and love that my behind is smaller.
I find that I enjoy shopping for clothes now, and even try to buy stuff that shows off my figure, rather than hiding it.
Yes, I still have a journey ahead of me. I still am overweight. I still need to strengthen and tone.
But, you know what? I'm doing it. Yeah, I really am doing it.
With friendship,
Care'
Today marks the half-way point in my weight loss journey. That's right. Half way. Just a few months ago I didn't think I'd make it here, although I did try to hang in there and not go backwards.
At the half-way point I find that my drive to finish has only strengthened. After all, I came this far. Why stop now?
I find that I am actually enjoying exercise. I have a 5K under my belt and am training for the next one. I'm considering a 10K and am looking ahead to a half marathon. Yes, a marathon is in my future. I know it is.
I find that I actually enjoy eating salads, eating veggies, and drinking water. I like to eat and drink healthy because I like the way it makes me feel - strong, healthy, in control. This from a person that couldn't go two days without a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.
I find that I am enjoying life more. Yeah, there are people in this world that are a pain in the ass, but they don't bother me as much any more.
I find that my relationship with my son and my husband is better. It's because I am better. It's because I like myself now.
I find that I enjoy feeling the muscles in my legs and love that my behind is smaller.
I find that I enjoy shopping for clothes now, and even try to buy stuff that shows off my figure, rather than hiding it.
Yes, I still have a journey ahead of me. I still am overweight. I still need to strengthen and tone.
But, you know what? I'm doing it. Yeah, I really am doing it.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, October 21, 2006
My First 5K
10/21/2006
Yeah, you heard me. I ran my very first 5K today. My legs are pretty sore this afternoon and my head is swollen from how proud I am of myself, but other than that I feel great! I even managed to complete the race in 47:59 - 3:01 FASTER than my goal. Yeah, I know that's pretty slow, but it's only slightly slower than when I run on the treadmill at home. The course ending up being mostly uphill and it was tough weaving through all the walkers, but it was still a wonderful experience. The weather was perfect for running.
I can't wait to do another one. Only this time I want to run the whole thing!
I haven't even weighed yet, so I'll have to do that tomorrow (had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to make the race.) Now, with running 3.1 miles today the scale had BETTER be friendly - LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Yeah, you heard me. I ran my very first 5K today. My legs are pretty sore this afternoon and my head is swollen from how proud I am of myself, but other than that I feel great! I even managed to complete the race in 47:59 - 3:01 FASTER than my goal. Yeah, I know that's pretty slow, but it's only slightly slower than when I run on the treadmill at home. The course ending up being mostly uphill and it was tough weaving through all the walkers, but it was still a wonderful experience. The weather was perfect for running.
I can't wait to do another one. Only this time I want to run the whole thing!
I haven't even weighed yet, so I'll have to do that tomorrow (had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to make the race.) Now, with running 3.1 miles today the scale had BETTER be friendly - LOL!
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Week #39: Some Changes
10/15/2006
My official weigh-in yesterday has me down another 2 pounds. That means I'm only 2 pounds away from the overall half-way point. I'm thrilled! Also, my first 5K is coming up on Saturday. I'm very excited. Unfortunately I won't be able to run the full 3 miles since I had some setbacks during training. But, my plan is to run at least 2 miles and complete the race in under 51 minutes. I told Vince last night that I'm going to use this one for experience and that I plan to sign up for another one very soon. Then, I want to start training for a 10K.
I have to tell you . . . I am really enjoying the feel of muscles in my legs and the fact that my butt is smaller. I'm ready for other parts of my body to start toning up, which ties in to the title of my post.
I decided last week that I need to add some sort of weight training to my exercise plan. Yes, I do the resistance training with the bands, but it isn't hard enough, if that makes sense. I've decided I want a personal trainer, but I dodn't want to spend the money (after all, I need to fix my house - LOL!) So, I searched the Interent and found a 13 week training plan that didn't cost too much and that you do from home.
Let me tell you, that first night I only managed to do one set of each exercise in each circuit. I wasn't working too hard because I wanted to get the "feel" of the exercise and make sure I understood the technique. Well, it kicked my butt anyway, which was very exciting. I think I may have found something that will produce the results I want. The plan also came with a diet that fits very nicely with the NS plan. I basically add one more fat serving and eliminate one carb serving, which I started doing on Wednesday.
It just seems so strange that I actually want to exercise and eat healthy, and that I am spending my time researching and planning for both. Just a year ago I thought the only way to get fit was through surgery, and I was seriously contemplating it. Just months ago I was ready to give up and just maintain my loss. Now I find myself in a completely different situation. It's almost as if I found the light switch after being in the dark for so many years.
The truth is that I've finally taken the time to sort through and resolve the various emotional issues in my life. The truth is that I didn't like myself very much and used my weight to keep people away so I wouldn't get hurt. As I've worked though the past hurts and disappointments, I've found that I really am a good person and I have a right to enjoy life. And if anyone has a problem with that or doesn't want to be part of it, that's his or her tough luck. I'm not going to let other people's emotional issues interfere with my life anymore. Yes, there are still some things to sort through and I know those are going to be the hardest because they have the deepest scars. But, I know that dealing with them will make me a more healthy person - physically and mentally.
So, I guess I'm at the fork in the road on this journey. I can keep doing what I've been doing, or I can take a turn and travel the more challenging path.
I choose the more challenging path.
With friendship,
Care'
My official weigh-in yesterday has me down another 2 pounds. That means I'm only 2 pounds away from the overall half-way point. I'm thrilled! Also, my first 5K is coming up on Saturday. I'm very excited. Unfortunately I won't be able to run the full 3 miles since I had some setbacks during training. But, my plan is to run at least 2 miles and complete the race in under 51 minutes. I told Vince last night that I'm going to use this one for experience and that I plan to sign up for another one very soon. Then, I want to start training for a 10K.
I have to tell you . . . I am really enjoying the feel of muscles in my legs and the fact that my butt is smaller. I'm ready for other parts of my body to start toning up, which ties in to the title of my post.
I decided last week that I need to add some sort of weight training to my exercise plan. Yes, I do the resistance training with the bands, but it isn't hard enough, if that makes sense. I've decided I want a personal trainer, but I dodn't want to spend the money (after all, I need to fix my house - LOL!) So, I searched the Interent and found a 13 week training plan that didn't cost too much and that you do from home.
Let me tell you, that first night I only managed to do one set of each exercise in each circuit. I wasn't working too hard because I wanted to get the "feel" of the exercise and make sure I understood the technique. Well, it kicked my butt anyway, which was very exciting. I think I may have found something that will produce the results I want. The plan also came with a diet that fits very nicely with the NS plan. I basically add one more fat serving and eliminate one carb serving, which I started doing on Wednesday.
It just seems so strange that I actually want to exercise and eat healthy, and that I am spending my time researching and planning for both. Just a year ago I thought the only way to get fit was through surgery, and I was seriously contemplating it. Just months ago I was ready to give up and just maintain my loss. Now I find myself in a completely different situation. It's almost as if I found the light switch after being in the dark for so many years.
The truth is that I've finally taken the time to sort through and resolve the various emotional issues in my life. The truth is that I didn't like myself very much and used my weight to keep people away so I wouldn't get hurt. As I've worked though the past hurts and disappointments, I've found that I really am a good person and I have a right to enjoy life. And if anyone has a problem with that or doesn't want to be part of it, that's his or her tough luck. I'm not going to let other people's emotional issues interfere with my life anymore. Yes, there are still some things to sort through and I know those are going to be the hardest because they have the deepest scars. But, I know that dealing with them will make me a more healthy person - physically and mentally.
So, I guess I'm at the fork in the road on this journey. I can keep doing what I've been doing, or I can take a turn and travel the more challenging path.
I choose the more challenging path.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Week #38: Hello 190s, My Old Friend
10/08/06
Yep, that's right. I'm back up a pound to 190.5. I know why. I deserve it. But I don't feel sorry for myself. No way. It just makes me more determined to get it right back off.
You see, something has finally clicked in my brain.
One thing a lot of overweight people struggle with is the thought of keeping off the weight once they lose it. Once you get past the "can I lose it" anxiety, the next logical thought is "will I be able to keep it off." I conquered "can I lose it" a while back - hell yeah, I can and I am. But, the "will I be able to keep it off" was a little harder to get past.
Well, I'm past it now.
I know I will be able to keep it off. Yes, the scale is going to boune from time to time - that's normal. (DID YOU HEAR ME??? I said that's NORMAL! LOL!)
Over the last 38 weeks I've learned portion control, how to build a balanced diet and how much exercise my body needs. I've also learned that I can have an off-plan meal from time to time without it causing a five-pound weight gain. So, what's the big deal? It means that I'm officially no longer on a diet. Instead, I've just changed my lifestyle.
It's funny when you move from a diet mindset to a lifestyle mindset. Suddenly exercise feels empowering rather than being something you dread. Suddenly food becomes fuel and nutrition rather than something you have to think (i.e. obsess) about. Suddenly water becomes refreshing rather than a liquid you have to choke down. The opposite is true as well. Passing by a fast food joint makes the stomach roll. Too many sodas leave you more thirsty than before. Not exercising for a few days leaves you feeling down.
So, I'm visiting the 190s this weekend, but plan to go back home to the 180s right away. After all, I have a date with the 170s I need to keep.
With friendship,
Care'
Yep, that's right. I'm back up a pound to 190.5. I know why. I deserve it. But I don't feel sorry for myself. No way. It just makes me more determined to get it right back off.
You see, something has finally clicked in my brain.
One thing a lot of overweight people struggle with is the thought of keeping off the weight once they lose it. Once you get past the "can I lose it" anxiety, the next logical thought is "will I be able to keep it off." I conquered "can I lose it" a while back - hell yeah, I can and I am. But, the "will I be able to keep it off" was a little harder to get past.
Well, I'm past it now.
I know I will be able to keep it off. Yes, the scale is going to boune from time to time - that's normal. (DID YOU HEAR ME??? I said that's NORMAL! LOL!)
Over the last 38 weeks I've learned portion control, how to build a balanced diet and how much exercise my body needs. I've also learned that I can have an off-plan meal from time to time without it causing a five-pound weight gain. So, what's the big deal? It means that I'm officially no longer on a diet. Instead, I've just changed my lifestyle.
It's funny when you move from a diet mindset to a lifestyle mindset. Suddenly exercise feels empowering rather than being something you dread. Suddenly food becomes fuel and nutrition rather than something you have to think (i.e. obsess) about. Suddenly water becomes refreshing rather than a liquid you have to choke down. The opposite is true as well. Passing by a fast food joint makes the stomach roll. Too many sodas leave you more thirsty than before. Not exercising for a few days leaves you feeling down.
So, I'm visiting the 190s this weekend, but plan to go back home to the 180s right away. After all, I have a date with the 170s I need to keep.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Week #37: Interesting Discovery
10/01/2006
Emily's comment on my last post was the kick in the butt I needed. I have a tendency to look back on only the last few days and base everything on those days. For example, if I've been 100% on plan for the last week, then I forget that I wasn't 100% the week before. This works both ways. If I was off plan for a few days, then I beat myself up for never being on plan.
After Emily posted her comment, I pulled every food diary that I've been keeping since the beginning of this journey and studied them for several hours. What I found was interesting.
It seems my body doesn't reflect loss or gain for at least a week after the event. So, for example, if I eat a piece of cake today today (Sunday), then my body won't register it until next Sunday. This works in reverse too - a great day today will show up on the scale next week.
So, this past week I started at 190 and then saw the scale creep back up to 192.5. What I saw when I looked back on the week before was that I wasn't making the best choices for a few days. In fact, the day where the scale peaked matched the day from the prior week where I didn't exercise, drink all my water, and indulged in dessert during a department luncheon.
Strange, isn't it?
I then went back and re-looked at my food diaries from the very beginning - back in January & February - when I was new to NS and was really on top of the plan. It's a little harder to see the trend there, because I followed the plan so closely that I consistently lost every week.
Hmmmm.
These last few months during which I've been in the 190s have shown me doing two things - either being 100% on everything or 100% on nothing. At times it made me question if there was something psychologically going on causing me to not want to lose the weight. I see now that it's not that. Instead it is my tendency to give up when things aren't perfect. (I have a very long history of this - piano lessons, guitar lessons, court reporting school, sports, etc. I've tried a thousand things and, when I'm not perfect right away, I move onto something else.) Once again my evil perfectionist personality has reared its ugly head. (But at least I know what I'm dealing with now!)
So, this got me thinking. As a member of several boards and a reader of many blogs, I know there are a lot of us out there that are frustrated with the rate in which we are or are not losing. We've tried different diets, different exercise methods, different water amounts - you name it. What does that mean? Well, it shows that each and every one of us wants to lose the weight and is commited to doing so. That in and of itself is proof that we will succeed. It also shows that consistency is more important than anything.
Yeah, yeah, you've heard that before, right? I know . . . it sounds cliche to me too. But, reviewing my food journals have proven this to be true in my case.
So, the next time I slip up and eat off plan or blow off exercise for the day, I won't start mixing things up when I see the scale go up the following week. Instead I'll keep doing what I'm supposed to do - one day at a time; one meal at a time.
After all, my food diary from the beginning proves that it will work.
Oh, I almost forgot - I weighed in at 189.5 this week!
With friendship,
Care'
Emily's comment on my last post was the kick in the butt I needed. I have a tendency to look back on only the last few days and base everything on those days. For example, if I've been 100% on plan for the last week, then I forget that I wasn't 100% the week before. This works both ways. If I was off plan for a few days, then I beat myself up for never being on plan.
After Emily posted her comment, I pulled every food diary that I've been keeping since the beginning of this journey and studied them for several hours. What I found was interesting.
It seems my body doesn't reflect loss or gain for at least a week after the event. So, for example, if I eat a piece of cake today today (Sunday), then my body won't register it until next Sunday. This works in reverse too - a great day today will show up on the scale next week.
So, this past week I started at 190 and then saw the scale creep back up to 192.5. What I saw when I looked back on the week before was that I wasn't making the best choices for a few days. In fact, the day where the scale peaked matched the day from the prior week where I didn't exercise, drink all my water, and indulged in dessert during a department luncheon.
Strange, isn't it?
I then went back and re-looked at my food diaries from the very beginning - back in January & February - when I was new to NS and was really on top of the plan. It's a little harder to see the trend there, because I followed the plan so closely that I consistently lost every week.
Hmmmm.
These last few months during which I've been in the 190s have shown me doing two things - either being 100% on everything or 100% on nothing. At times it made me question if there was something psychologically going on causing me to not want to lose the weight. I see now that it's not that. Instead it is my tendency to give up when things aren't perfect. (I have a very long history of this - piano lessons, guitar lessons, court reporting school, sports, etc. I've tried a thousand things and, when I'm not perfect right away, I move onto something else.) Once again my evil perfectionist personality has reared its ugly head. (But at least I know what I'm dealing with now!)
So, this got me thinking. As a member of several boards and a reader of many blogs, I know there are a lot of us out there that are frustrated with the rate in which we are or are not losing. We've tried different diets, different exercise methods, different water amounts - you name it. What does that mean? Well, it shows that each and every one of us wants to lose the weight and is commited to doing so. That in and of itself is proof that we will succeed. It also shows that consistency is more important than anything.
Yeah, yeah, you've heard that before, right? I know . . . it sounds cliche to me too. But, reviewing my food journals have proven this to be true in my case.
So, the next time I slip up and eat off plan or blow off exercise for the day, I won't start mixing things up when I see the scale go up the following week. Instead I'll keep doing what I'm supposed to do - one day at a time; one meal at a time.
After all, my food diary from the beginning proves that it will work.
Oh, I almost forgot - I weighed in at 189.5 this week!
With friendship,
Care'
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Rant On
09/27/2006
Warning . . . I'm incredibly pissed right now . . .
In the spirt of removing the "toxins" from my attitude, I have decided to do what seems to help me the most - write about it. Feel free to comment and point out where I can improve, or tell me just to shut up. I can use some tough love right now.
If I step on the scale one more freaking time and see a number higher than 189.5 I think I am going to SCREAM. On Sunday I was down to 190. I was thrilled. Monday showed 191. Okay, not too bad. Wednesday showed 192.5! DAMN IT! This would all be acceptable if I had not been perfect on the diet, water and exercise front. I've been on the treadmill every day since Saturday and even added resistance training on Monday and Tuesday. I have been 100% on the NS plan since last Thursday (not one single cheat, mind you) and have been 110% with the water by taking in more than 8 glasses.
When I exercise I am getting very frustrated. My desire on what I want to do exceeds what my body will allow me to do. It's like I really want to push myself further, but my body is letting me down. Last night I twisted my ankle when I was running, so I had to stop. I'm fine and will be back on the treadmill tonight, but it really angered me that I had to stop after only 20 minutes. I feel like I can run forever but my legs would probably blow out.
I know where I want to get, but I can't get there.
So, what can I do to get the scale to move?
Yes, I am seeing the inches melt away. I am feeling muscle starting to form, and my butt is definately smaller than it used to be. But when I look in the mirror I see the flabby skin under my arms, the rolls that are still around my mid section, and the hail damage on my butt and thighs. (How is it that I never saw this before?)
Am I just being too hard on myself? Or, is it that I finally am being hard on myself for the first time in my life and am having trouble adjusting?
I am afraid that I've hit the wall. Look on the right . . . I've been in the 190s for a VERY long time. TOO LONG.
Am I going to be a size 2 and still weigh 190 pounds? Is that even possible?
I know you should measure weight loss by things other than the number on the scale, but we would be lying to ourselves if we didn't agree that the number on the scale is important to us.
Okay . . . rant off.
Hit me with your comments, please.
Care'
Warning . . . I'm incredibly pissed right now . . .
In the spirt of removing the "toxins" from my attitude, I have decided to do what seems to help me the most - write about it. Feel free to comment and point out where I can improve, or tell me just to shut up. I can use some tough love right now.
If I step on the scale one more freaking time and see a number higher than 189.5 I think I am going to SCREAM. On Sunday I was down to 190. I was thrilled. Monday showed 191. Okay, not too bad. Wednesday showed 192.5! DAMN IT! This would all be acceptable if I had not been perfect on the diet, water and exercise front. I've been on the treadmill every day since Saturday and even added resistance training on Monday and Tuesday. I have been 100% on the NS plan since last Thursday (not one single cheat, mind you) and have been 110% with the water by taking in more than 8 glasses.
When I exercise I am getting very frustrated. My desire on what I want to do exceeds what my body will allow me to do. It's like I really want to push myself further, but my body is letting me down. Last night I twisted my ankle when I was running, so I had to stop. I'm fine and will be back on the treadmill tonight, but it really angered me that I had to stop after only 20 minutes. I feel like I can run forever but my legs would probably blow out.
I know where I want to get, but I can't get there.
So, what can I do to get the scale to move?
Yes, I am seeing the inches melt away. I am feeling muscle starting to form, and my butt is definately smaller than it used to be. But when I look in the mirror I see the flabby skin under my arms, the rolls that are still around my mid section, and the hail damage on my butt and thighs. (How is it that I never saw this before?)
Am I just being too hard on myself? Or, is it that I finally am being hard on myself for the first time in my life and am having trouble adjusting?
I am afraid that I've hit the wall. Look on the right . . . I've been in the 190s for a VERY long time. TOO LONG.
Am I going to be a size 2 and still weigh 190 pounds? Is that even possible?
I know you should measure weight loss by things other than the number on the scale, but we would be lying to ourselves if we didn't agree that the number on the scale is important to us.
Okay . . . rant off.
Hit me with your comments, please.
Care'
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Week #36: Just a bit more . . .
09/24/2006
And I can kiss the 190s goodbye! You can imagine how excited I was to see 190 this morning, and the scale was flashing 189.5! I think the last two days have really made a difference.
Yes, I've talked about recommiting in the past, but I really did it this time. Yesterday I worked out for 71 minutes on the treadmill and burned around 500 calories. That's more than double what I typically do. After doing that yesterday morning, there was no way in hell I was going to put something off plan in my mouth. Plus, I was dang thirsty, so the water was not a problem at all. So, in a few minutes I plan to get back on the treadmill again to burn another 500 calories. I'm DETERMINED, to see the 180s this month, darn it!
On another topic, I had lunch yesterday with about 10 of my NS friends. It was great fun, as always. You know, I've always had a hard time making friends and tend to avoid group gatherings. But I immediately clicked with this group back in April when we first met. It's almost like you know them already because you already understand their struggles.
With friendship,
Care'
And I can kiss the 190s goodbye! You can imagine how excited I was to see 190 this morning, and the scale was flashing 189.5! I think the last two days have really made a difference.
Yes, I've talked about recommiting in the past, but I really did it this time. Yesterday I worked out for 71 minutes on the treadmill and burned around 500 calories. That's more than double what I typically do. After doing that yesterday morning, there was no way in hell I was going to put something off plan in my mouth. Plus, I was dang thirsty, so the water was not a problem at all. So, in a few minutes I plan to get back on the treadmill again to burn another 500 calories. I'm DETERMINED, to see the 180s this month, darn it!
On another topic, I had lunch yesterday with about 10 of my NS friends. It was great fun, as always. You know, I've always had a hard time making friends and tend to avoid group gatherings. But I immediately clicked with this group back in April when we first met. It's almost like you know them already because you already understand their struggles.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Week #35: Up a Half a Pound, But Celebrating Anyway
09/17/2006
While it appears that I may weigh in the 190s FOREVER, I'm still pretty happy this week. I had a HUGE non-scale victory. You see, I have a shirt that only comes out every now and then for me to put on, sigh at how it shows the rolls of fat on my back, and then immediately take it back off. Last Friday I realized I was behind on laundry and needed a top to wear. Knowing that I wasn't leaving the house, I decided I could ignore the rolls for a few hours while I did the wash. I put the shirt on, put a grimmace on my face, and turned to check out my back side in the mirror. You know what? The rolls were GONE!
I NO LONGER HAVE BACK FAT! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided to check out other areas to see how they were improving. The stomach (my biggest problem area) is still the worst part. But, I'm able to see my toes when I look down now. Also, I'm starting to see my c-section scar. While that may not sound like something to celebrate on the surface, it means that the roll on my stomach is starting to disappear. (Yeah, I know - TMI!).
The buns are also starting to firm up. Cool.
I decided to take my measurements - something I hadn't done in a while. Amazing! I've lost 19 inches since I began this journey. That's about the size of my son's head! (Which explains why the pants I bought about six weeks ago are already getting baggy.) I decided to start taking measurements once a week so I'd have something besides the scale to mark progress.
And, on the exercise front, I'm doing great. No, I'm not running a full 5K yet, but I'm on my way. I'm actually starting to look forward to my runs. GASP! Yeah, they are still hard and sometimes I feel like I'm actually going to fall over dead while I'm running, but I always survive and it feels terrific.
So, that pretty much sums up what's going on with me. The scale is still evil, but I'm making new friends with the treadmill and the tape measure.
With friendship,
Care'
While it appears that I may weigh in the 190s FOREVER, I'm still pretty happy this week. I had a HUGE non-scale victory. You see, I have a shirt that only comes out every now and then for me to put on, sigh at how it shows the rolls of fat on my back, and then immediately take it back off. Last Friday I realized I was behind on laundry and needed a top to wear. Knowing that I wasn't leaving the house, I decided I could ignore the rolls for a few hours while I did the wash. I put the shirt on, put a grimmace on my face, and turned to check out my back side in the mirror. You know what? The rolls were GONE!
I NO LONGER HAVE BACK FAT! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!
So, I decided to check out other areas to see how they were improving. The stomach (my biggest problem area) is still the worst part. But, I'm able to see my toes when I look down now. Also, I'm starting to see my c-section scar. While that may not sound like something to celebrate on the surface, it means that the roll on my stomach is starting to disappear. (Yeah, I know - TMI!).
The buns are also starting to firm up. Cool.
I decided to take my measurements - something I hadn't done in a while. Amazing! I've lost 19 inches since I began this journey. That's about the size of my son's head! (Which explains why the pants I bought about six weeks ago are already getting baggy.) I decided to start taking measurements once a week so I'd have something besides the scale to mark progress.
And, on the exercise front, I'm doing great. No, I'm not running a full 5K yet, but I'm on my way. I'm actually starting to look forward to my runs. GASP! Yeah, they are still hard and sometimes I feel like I'm actually going to fall over dead while I'm running, but I always survive and it feels terrific.
So, that pretty much sums up what's going on with me. The scale is still evil, but I'm making new friends with the treadmill and the tape measure.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Week #34: Wow . . . 34 weeks?
09/10/2006
As I was typing in the title of the post I had to stop for a moment. 34 weeks? 34 weeks! That's a long time considering the average life of any diet in the past has been about 10 weeks. Yeah, I've had my ups and downs, but I am proud of myself for sticking with it. Even during the times when I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I still maintained. Now, THAT is a HUGE accomplishment.
I still struggle with wanting the bad stuff. Just last week I indulged in a cheeseburger, fries and ice cream while on a business trip. I also didn't make as good of choices while eating out as I could have. There's part of me that doesn't want to. That's the part of me that gets really pissed off that I have to work so dang hard for something that comes easily to others. (Admit it . . . you've ALL wanted to trip a skinny person at some point in your life - LOL!)
Along with the 34 week realization, I also stopped to think about where I am on this journey.
Just 1 pound away from my next mini-goal of 190.
Just 5 pounds away from 186. Holy cow - 186!
186 is significant to me for many reasons. First, it's the official half-way point between my non-NS starting weight of 238 and my goal weight of 135. Second, it's in the 180s, which I haven't seen since my 20s. (And it will be awesome to be out of the 190s.) Third, and most importantly, it's the weight I was when I met Vince. I've always felt a bit guilty that I'd "let myself go," so getting back to 186 will be awesome.
And to think I was beating myself up less than 48 hours ago about my bad choices. Yeah, I wish I could take them back, but at least I didn't let them beat me.
With friendship,
Care'
As I was typing in the title of the post I had to stop for a moment. 34 weeks? 34 weeks! That's a long time considering the average life of any diet in the past has been about 10 weeks. Yeah, I've had my ups and downs, but I am proud of myself for sticking with it. Even during the times when I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I still maintained. Now, THAT is a HUGE accomplishment.
I still struggle with wanting the bad stuff. Just last week I indulged in a cheeseburger, fries and ice cream while on a business trip. I also didn't make as good of choices while eating out as I could have. There's part of me that doesn't want to. That's the part of me that gets really pissed off that I have to work so dang hard for something that comes easily to others. (Admit it . . . you've ALL wanted to trip a skinny person at some point in your life - LOL!)
Along with the 34 week realization, I also stopped to think about where I am on this journey.
Just 1 pound away from my next mini-goal of 190.
Just 5 pounds away from 186. Holy cow - 186!
186 is significant to me for many reasons. First, it's the official half-way point between my non-NS starting weight of 238 and my goal weight of 135. Second, it's in the 180s, which I haven't seen since my 20s. (And it will be awesome to be out of the 190s.) Third, and most importantly, it's the weight I was when I met Vince. I've always felt a bit guilty that I'd "let myself go," so getting back to 186 will be awesome.
And to think I was beating myself up less than 48 hours ago about my bad choices. Yeah, I wish I could take them back, but at least I didn't let them beat me.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Week #33: Scale for Sale
09/03/06
What do I have to do to get the scale to move?
I'm back on the foods.
I'm getting my water.
I'm exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes.
I'm sick of seeing 192.5 every time I step on the scale.
Grrrrrr.
Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today.
What do I have to do to get the scale to move?
I'm back on the foods.
I'm getting my water.
I'm exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes.
I'm sick of seeing 192.5 every time I step on the scale.
Grrrrrr.
Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Week #32: Putting it All Together
08/27/06
First, the weigh in results. No loss. No gain. 192.5 seems to be a number my body likes. But you know what? I've only been back on the NS foods for a couple of days, so I'm sure next week will show better results.
Second, the exercise results. I started the Couch-to-5K plan last week. (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). I was hesitant to admit that was what I was doing, but you know what? It's time I did so that someone is holding me accountable. I actually started it 2 weeks ago, but didn't do so well the first week. This week, however was a success! I am in week 2 of the plan now and am pretty excited to see my progress. There is a 5K coming up in October that I'd like to do. Now I have a goal! I have always wanted to be a runner, and I'm happy to say I'm making steps in that direction.
Third, the food results. My NS food arrived on Wednesday, so I started on Thursday. Thursday was perfect. Friday was not-so-perfect. I did great for everything but lunch. It was one of those last minute things for which I didn't get to plan, so I caved and had something I shouldn't have. But, I didn't let that get me down and immediately got back on plan. Saturday was 100% perfect and today is 100% perfect so far. So, I'm SURE the scale will budge for me. IT BETTER! LOL!
Fourth, my mid-life crisis update. The good news is that I feel like I'm moving forward again. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I'm glad to be taking steps again. For a few months I was stuck in limbo. I hate being in limbo. I'm still scared about what the end result will be, but I'm ready to get there.
Fifth, a job update. I've officially been on the new job for 2 weeks. This last week was really good (except for Monday - see previous post) and I'm starting to get busy. That helps. I hate not being busy. So, already I feel like I'm adding value. I do miss my old job a lot. In fact, I gave a couple of the guys a call last week to say hello and to make sure they hadn't forgotten about my going-away party (thanks, Bob!). There are still times when I want to run back to the old job, but I try to take it day by day. I am enjoying the fact that I'm not having to kill myself right now by working a ton of hours.
Sixth, a kiddo update. Jake started 3rd grade this month. He's complaining about the length of the day, but is otherwise happy. He likes his new teacher and he's enjoying the material. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this year is a huge success.
Seventh, a hubby update. Vince has decided that he wants to go to culinary school, so he is in the process of figuring out where he wants to go. It's probably a year off because we want to get the house repairs done first.
Eight, speaking of home repairs . . . the leak is fixed and sheet rock has been hung in the bedroom. We're still sleeping in the living room because Vince hates it. (I figure that will help motivate him to get the rest of the repairs done ASAP). We haven't made much progress in the last two weekends, but are planning a big push for the upcoming holiday weekend.
Ninth, my next weight goal. It's been a long time since I've set a mini-goal, so it's time to do it again. My next mini-goal is 190. Yeah, the difference between 192.5 and 190 is not much, but I typically do 5 pound increments and this helps make the math easier - LOL!
I'm trying to think of a tenth thing, but my mind is blank. I guess that's a sign that it's time to sign off.
With friendship,
Care'
First, the weigh in results. No loss. No gain. 192.5 seems to be a number my body likes. But you know what? I've only been back on the NS foods for a couple of days, so I'm sure next week will show better results.
Second, the exercise results. I started the Couch-to-5K plan last week. (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). I was hesitant to admit that was what I was doing, but you know what? It's time I did so that someone is holding me accountable. I actually started it 2 weeks ago, but didn't do so well the first week. This week, however was a success! I am in week 2 of the plan now and am pretty excited to see my progress. There is a 5K coming up in October that I'd like to do. Now I have a goal! I have always wanted to be a runner, and I'm happy to say I'm making steps in that direction.
Third, the food results. My NS food arrived on Wednesday, so I started on Thursday. Thursday was perfect. Friday was not-so-perfect. I did great for everything but lunch. It was one of those last minute things for which I didn't get to plan, so I caved and had something I shouldn't have. But, I didn't let that get me down and immediately got back on plan. Saturday was 100% perfect and today is 100% perfect so far. So, I'm SURE the scale will budge for me. IT BETTER! LOL!
Fourth, my mid-life crisis update. The good news is that I feel like I'm moving forward again. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I'm glad to be taking steps again. For a few months I was stuck in limbo. I hate being in limbo. I'm still scared about what the end result will be, but I'm ready to get there.
Fifth, a job update. I've officially been on the new job for 2 weeks. This last week was really good (except for Monday - see previous post) and I'm starting to get busy. That helps. I hate not being busy. So, already I feel like I'm adding value. I do miss my old job a lot. In fact, I gave a couple of the guys a call last week to say hello and to make sure they hadn't forgotten about my going-away party (thanks, Bob!). There are still times when I want to run back to the old job, but I try to take it day by day. I am enjoying the fact that I'm not having to kill myself right now by working a ton of hours.
Sixth, a kiddo update. Jake started 3rd grade this month. He's complaining about the length of the day, but is otherwise happy. He likes his new teacher and he's enjoying the material. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this year is a huge success.
Seventh, a hubby update. Vince has decided that he wants to go to culinary school, so he is in the process of figuring out where he wants to go. It's probably a year off because we want to get the house repairs done first.
Eight, speaking of home repairs . . . the leak is fixed and sheet rock has been hung in the bedroom. We're still sleeping in the living room because Vince hates it. (I figure that will help motivate him to get the rest of the repairs done ASAP). We haven't made much progress in the last two weekends, but are planning a big push for the upcoming holiday weekend.
Ninth, my next weight goal. It's been a long time since I've set a mini-goal, so it's time to do it again. My next mini-goal is 190. Yeah, the difference between 192.5 and 190 is not much, but I typically do 5 pound increments and this helps make the math easier - LOL!
I'm trying to think of a tenth thing, but my mind is blank. I guess that's a sign that it's time to sign off.
With friendship,
Care'
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Trip from Hell
08/22/2006
I was typing this in an email for my mom who was innocent enough to ask, "How was your trip to Chicago?" I'm sure she wasn't prepared for the respose.
Anywho, I thought you guys would enjoy my perils, so have a good laugh at my expense. For me, the crying has finally stopped and I am starting to see the humor in the situation . . .
1. Had to leave Sunday morning.
2. Plane delayed.
3. Sat next to woman who got air sick for the entire trip.
4. Rental car not ready upon arrival.
5. Got lost on way to hotel.
6. Get to hotel - smoking room, even though non-smoking specified.
7. Decide to have wine from the honor bar. No wine opener.
8. Have room service bring up wine opener. Can't get cork out. Manage to push crumbled cork into bottle.
9. Drank two glasses of wine with cork. Yum.
10. Forgot to call hubby to wake him up. Fortunately, kid was not late to school.
11. Got lost on way to seminar.
12. Could not find parking.
13. Decided to just park and walk the rest of the way.
14. Managed to get lost while walking. Turned 4 block trip into 1.5 mile trip (if I had known, I would not have gotten up at 5:30 to run for 1.5 miles).
15. Hurt foot while wandering aimlessley in downtown Chicago. Now limping and lost.
16. Finally find seminar. Check in. Receptionist sends me to wrong room.
17. Get to right room (could they have put my class any further away from the bathrooms?)
18. Room is freezing, and I did remember to bring a jacket - that's how freaking cold it was.
19. Developed case of diarreha, so in and out of class - while limping, mind you.
20. Get out of class early (thank goodness).
21. Find car without getting lost (luck is turning around).
22. Get lost trying to find expressway.
23. Find expressway - but in wrong lane to get on.
24. Try to turnaround. Street turns into a dead-end parking lot.
25. Try to back out of parking lot - not working. Pull into teeny-tiny space to turn around.
26. Back into concrete planters while turning around.
27. Make circle to get back on expressway. Didn't work.
28. Make bigger circle to get back on expressway. Worked (horray, although I'm about to cry).
29. Got lost on way to aiport.
30. Got back on track, but get lost AGAIN. (NEVER drive in Chicago).
31. Got flipped off twice.
32. Got flipped off again. This time I flip back.
33. Find rental car return after a 2 hour trip, but manage to go the wrong way.
34. Got flipped off again. (Beginning to think it's Chicogo's residents' way of saying "hello")
35. Get rental car dropped off (guy didn't notice any damage from step 26 above - woo hoo!)
36. Get on rental car shuttle. Hobble over to a seat because foot is killing me. Shuttle is crowded. Lady manages to step on my hurt foot three times.
37. I flip off lady. She doesn't step on foot again.
38. Get to airport. Manage to successfully check in.
39. Wait in line to get luggage inspected. Machine breaks. Have to take luggage to other side of terminal (still limping).
40. Wait in line for luggage inspection (20 minute wait).
41. Hobble over to security. Line is LONG because machine breaks. (What is it with machinery in this airport?) Picture 500 travelers trying to go through one security line.
42. Get through security.
43. Go to Chili's since I have a very long wait until boarding. Order margarita - I deserve one, right? Waitress spills drink on me.
44. Eat dinner (which is cold, but I don't complain for fear of having something else dumped on me).
45. Hobble over to gate (could it be any further away from security? Nope, it can't. Last freaking gate in terminal).
46. Sit down at gate.
47. Foot gets run over by passerby.
48. Hobble over to new seat. Open book to read. Book sucks.
49. Hobble over to gift shop to buy new book. Clerk won't let me in - thinks I'm drunk (could that be because I'm limping and smell like tequilla?)
50. Hobble to next gift shop and successfully buy book.
51. Hobble back to gate. Sit down and start reading (finally).
52. Plane delayed 15 minutes.
53. Plane delayed 30 minutes.
54. Plane delayed 45 minutes.
55. Plane finally boards. Full flight. Get seated next to gentleman who has no concept of personal space or hygiene.
56. Plane lands. Limp off of plane and wait 30 minutes to get luggage.
57. Get luggage - go outside to wait for courtesy van to take me to my car.
58. 15 minute wait.
59. Get car. Check out - receipt flys out of machine and across parking lot. Receipt is for over $20, so I need it to get reimbursed.
60. Pull over. Chase parking receipt across parking lot (remember, I'm limping).
61. Get receipt. Get back in car. Drive home.
62. Get home at 1:00 a.m. Set alarm for 6.00 a.m. and pass out.
Don't you just LOVE travel?
Care'
I was typing this in an email for my mom who was innocent enough to ask, "How was your trip to Chicago?" I'm sure she wasn't prepared for the respose.
Anywho, I thought you guys would enjoy my perils, so have a good laugh at my expense. For me, the crying has finally stopped and I am starting to see the humor in the situation . . .
1. Had to leave Sunday morning.
2. Plane delayed.
3. Sat next to woman who got air sick for the entire trip.
4. Rental car not ready upon arrival.
5. Got lost on way to hotel.
6. Get to hotel - smoking room, even though non-smoking specified.
7. Decide to have wine from the honor bar. No wine opener.
8. Have room service bring up wine opener. Can't get cork out. Manage to push crumbled cork into bottle.
9. Drank two glasses of wine with cork. Yum.
10. Forgot to call hubby to wake him up. Fortunately, kid was not late to school.
11. Got lost on way to seminar.
12. Could not find parking.
13. Decided to just park and walk the rest of the way.
14. Managed to get lost while walking. Turned 4 block trip into 1.5 mile trip (if I had known, I would not have gotten up at 5:30 to run for 1.5 miles).
15. Hurt foot while wandering aimlessley in downtown Chicago. Now limping and lost.
16. Finally find seminar. Check in. Receptionist sends me to wrong room.
17. Get to right room (could they have put my class any further away from the bathrooms?)
18. Room is freezing, and I did remember to bring a jacket - that's how freaking cold it was.
19. Developed case of diarreha, so in and out of class - while limping, mind you.
20. Get out of class early (thank goodness).
21. Find car without getting lost (luck is turning around).
22. Get lost trying to find expressway.
23. Find expressway - but in wrong lane to get on.
24. Try to turnaround. Street turns into a dead-end parking lot.
25. Try to back out of parking lot - not working. Pull into teeny-tiny space to turn around.
26. Back into concrete planters while turning around.
27. Make circle to get back on expressway. Didn't work.
28. Make bigger circle to get back on expressway. Worked (horray, although I'm about to cry).
29. Got lost on way to aiport.
30. Got back on track, but get lost AGAIN. (NEVER drive in Chicago).
31. Got flipped off twice.
32. Got flipped off again. This time I flip back.
33. Find rental car return after a 2 hour trip, but manage to go the wrong way.
34. Got flipped off again. (Beginning to think it's Chicogo's residents' way of saying "hello")
35. Get rental car dropped off (guy didn't notice any damage from step 26 above - woo hoo!)
36. Get on rental car shuttle. Hobble over to a seat because foot is killing me. Shuttle is crowded. Lady manages to step on my hurt foot three times.
37. I flip off lady. She doesn't step on foot again.
38. Get to airport. Manage to successfully check in.
39. Wait in line to get luggage inspected. Machine breaks. Have to take luggage to other side of terminal (still limping).
40. Wait in line for luggage inspection (20 minute wait).
41. Hobble over to security. Line is LONG because machine breaks. (What is it with machinery in this airport?) Picture 500 travelers trying to go through one security line.
42. Get through security.
43. Go to Chili's since I have a very long wait until boarding. Order margarita - I deserve one, right? Waitress spills drink on me.
44. Eat dinner (which is cold, but I don't complain for fear of having something else dumped on me).
45. Hobble over to gate (could it be any further away from security? Nope, it can't. Last freaking gate in terminal).
46. Sit down at gate.
47. Foot gets run over by passerby.
48. Hobble over to new seat. Open book to read. Book sucks.
49. Hobble over to gift shop to buy new book. Clerk won't let me in - thinks I'm drunk (could that be because I'm limping and smell like tequilla?)
50. Hobble to next gift shop and successfully buy book.
51. Hobble back to gate. Sit down and start reading (finally).
52. Plane delayed 15 minutes.
53. Plane delayed 30 minutes.
54. Plane delayed 45 minutes.
55. Plane finally boards. Full flight. Get seated next to gentleman who has no concept of personal space or hygiene.
56. Plane lands. Limp off of plane and wait 30 minutes to get luggage.
57. Get luggage - go outside to wait for courtesy van to take me to my car.
58. 15 minute wait.
59. Get car. Check out - receipt flys out of machine and across parking lot. Receipt is for over $20, so I need it to get reimbursed.
60. Pull over. Chase parking receipt across parking lot (remember, I'm limping).
61. Get receipt. Get back in car. Drive home.
62. Get home at 1:00 a.m. Set alarm for 6.00 a.m. and pass out.
Don't you just LOVE travel?
Care'
Sunday, August 20, 2006
NSVs
08/20/2006
Just a quick post because I'm about to head to the airport (again!) and won't have Internet access for a couple of days.
I have two WONDERFUL non-sale victories to share. Since it's been a while, I'm doubly excited.
Since I've started the new "old" job, I have to dress professionally again. I noticed this week that my clothing was hanging off of me. I mean, embarassingly so. For some reason I thought that all this stuff would still fit.
Anyway, I had to get some new hose. Now, ladies, are you ready for this? I no longer have to buy the "Just My Size" hose. I can actually buy the regular ones! Yeah, I'm still a size Q, but at least I'm not that dreaded 3X anymore.
Also, I needed to get some new clothes. After all, how can you climb the career ladder if your pants are falling off? I walked into a store and immediately paniced. I wasn't sure what size I was. I use to be a 20-22. So, I picked up a size 18 suit and a size 16 suit and headed to the dressing room. Imagine my surprise when I was swimming in the 18. Then, I tried the 16. STILL TOO BIG!
NO FREAKING WAY!
So, I had the sales lady grab me a 14. I didn't think it would fit, but it did! So, I bought a few outfits last night in a size 14.
14!
It's been at least 5 years since I was a 14.
The hard part was limiting myself to buying only a few things. After all, I don't plan to be a 14 for much longer.
With friendship,
Care'
Just a quick post because I'm about to head to the airport (again!) and won't have Internet access for a couple of days.
I have two WONDERFUL non-sale victories to share. Since it's been a while, I'm doubly excited.
Since I've started the new "old" job, I have to dress professionally again. I noticed this week that my clothing was hanging off of me. I mean, embarassingly so. For some reason I thought that all this stuff would still fit.
Anyway, I had to get some new hose. Now, ladies, are you ready for this? I no longer have to buy the "Just My Size" hose. I can actually buy the regular ones! Yeah, I'm still a size Q, but at least I'm not that dreaded 3X anymore.
Also, I needed to get some new clothes. After all, how can you climb the career ladder if your pants are falling off? I walked into a store and immediately paniced. I wasn't sure what size I was. I use to be a 20-22. So, I picked up a size 18 suit and a size 16 suit and headed to the dressing room. Imagine my surprise when I was swimming in the 18. Then, I tried the 16. STILL TOO BIG!
NO FREAKING WAY!
So, I had the sales lady grab me a 14. I didn't think it would fit, but it did! So, I bought a few outfits last night in a size 14.
14!
It's been at least 5 years since I was a 14.
The hard part was limiting myself to buying only a few things. After all, I don't plan to be a 14 for much longer.
With friendship,
Care'
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Week #31: Back on Track - Again!
08/19/2006
I'm back on track.
Those 2 pounds that had snuck back on are officially gone. And this time, they are gone for good!
I really did well this week - worked out twice and stayed on plan. I even did much better on water. And you know what? I feel better! The plan this week is to exercise three times, be more consistent with water and stay on plan 100%. Hopefully I'll see the weight dropping off fast again when my food arrives. I plan to order it today!
I started the new job this week. The verdict is still out. I miss my old co-workers terribly. Of course, when you work as many hours as you do with your co-workers, I guess that's to be expected. It probably doesn't help that I'm a little overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Overwhelmed by the number of things that I'd like to get accomplished in the new position, but underwhelmed because the pace is pretty slow. So, we'll see. I'm sure I'll adjust soon.
In the meantime, I'm using the down time to focus on ME again and to make sure I am truly back on track.
With friendship,
Care'
I'm back on track.
Those 2 pounds that had snuck back on are officially gone. And this time, they are gone for good!
I really did well this week - worked out twice and stayed on plan. I even did much better on water. And you know what? I feel better! The plan this week is to exercise three times, be more consistent with water and stay on plan 100%. Hopefully I'll see the weight dropping off fast again when my food arrives. I plan to order it today!
I started the new job this week. The verdict is still out. I miss my old co-workers terribly. Of course, when you work as many hours as you do with your co-workers, I guess that's to be expected. It probably doesn't help that I'm a little overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Overwhelmed by the number of things that I'd like to get accomplished in the new position, but underwhelmed because the pace is pretty slow. So, we'll see. I'm sure I'll adjust soon.
In the meantime, I'm using the down time to focus on ME again and to make sure I am truly back on track.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Week #30: It's Time
08/13/2006
It's time.
Last week I posted about how I knew it was time to recommit, but I wasn't quite ready to yet. Well, I'm ready now.
I'm sick of seeing the scale bounce between 192.5 and 195.
I'm sick of feeling fat again.
I'm sick of knowing what I'm supposed to do, but not doing it.
I'm sick of feeling tired.
I'm sick of feeling depressed.
I'm sick of knowing that something better is out there for me and that I just need to reach for it.
I'm sick of being in limbo about my relationship with my dad.
I'm sick of not knowing who I am.
I'm sick of not embracing life - of holding back because I'm so scared of rejection.
I'm sick of not being as physically strong and fit as I know I can be.
I'm sick of being out of control.
It's time for me to get back in control.
It's time for me to be strong.
It's time for me to feel energetic and fit.
It's time for me to feel empowered and confident in who I am.
It's time for me to either repair or discard the relationships with my family that have haunted me all my life.
It's time for me to embrace life and accept the wonderful things that are out there for me. No more rejecting love and appreciation for others.
It's time for me to be accountable again - to myself and to my fellow losers.
It's time for me to be me.
With friendship,
Care'
It's time.
Last week I posted about how I knew it was time to recommit, but I wasn't quite ready to yet. Well, I'm ready now.
I'm sick of seeing the scale bounce between 192.5 and 195.
I'm sick of feeling fat again.
I'm sick of knowing what I'm supposed to do, but not doing it.
I'm sick of feeling tired.
I'm sick of feeling depressed.
I'm sick of knowing that something better is out there for me and that I just need to reach for it.
I'm sick of being in limbo about my relationship with my dad.
I'm sick of not knowing who I am.
I'm sick of not embracing life - of holding back because I'm so scared of rejection.
I'm sick of not being as physically strong and fit as I know I can be.
I'm sick of being out of control.
It's time for me to get back in control.
It's time for me to be strong.
It's time for me to feel energetic and fit.
It's time for me to feel empowered and confident in who I am.
It's time for me to either repair or discard the relationships with my family that have haunted me all my life.
It's time for me to embrace life and accept the wonderful things that are out there for me. No more rejecting love and appreciation for others.
It's time for me to be accountable again - to myself and to my fellow losers.
It's time for me to be me.
With friendship,
Care'
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Five Weird Things About Me
I've been tagged by Melissa!
Rules: The player of this game starts with "Five weird things/habits about yourself". In the end you need to choose five people to be tagged and list their names. The people who get tagged need to write a blog entry about their five weird things/habits, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag five more victims. Don't forget to leave your victim a comment that says "you're tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
1. I'll start with the strangest one of all. Have you ever squirted some dish soap into your kitchen sink and then turned on the water to clean up? You rinse the bubbles out and you're all done, right? A few hours later you turn on the dishwasher which causes the bubbles to rise back into the sink and sort of "breath . . . ." Um, yeah, that freaks me out. When I was preggo, it would make me barf.2. Speaking of preggo . . . I developed super-human smell when I was pregnant with Jacob. I could smell things a mile away. I remember one time I smelled a can of stain that had been opened on the other side of the building where they were doing construction. I STILL have my super-human sense of smell. No one is safe blowing gas around me. You WILL be busted.
3. I'm a huge heavy metal fan. What's so weird about that? We'll it doesn't add up when you look at me. I'm ultra-conservative and dress like a banker. I just don't seem the type to show up at a White Zombie concert. Oh, and when I do show up they usually think I'm a nark . . . just because my socks match my shirt . . .
4. I'm a clean FREAK! I cannot STAND dirt. Most people think my desk at work is unoccupied because it is so clean. (Now, if you are up-to-date on my house situation, you can imagine that I'm about at my wits end.)
5. Now this is really weird. I constantly refer to myself as being weird, but I cannot think of a 5th thing. I seriously pondered this over the last 24 hours. (Maybe that's weird?)
Now, time to tag some other weird people. I choose Emily, Diane, Jesi, Karon and Neil.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Week #29: Comfortable?
08/06/2006
Quick Update: The scale moved in the right direction! Down a pound! HORRAY!
Now for the real topic today . . . .
Warning: Changing to self-reflection mode now . . .
Last Friday I was catching up on everyone's blogs and I noticed a consistent theme. It seems like we're all re-dedicating ourselves to our program and making some serious commitments. I need to do that too, but something is holding me back. After careful reflection, I think I know what it is.
For the first time that I can remember, I am no longer hearing those nagging voices of what I "should" and "should not" do in regards to how I dress, where I work, what I do, etc. etc. (Yeah, there's still the voice that tells me what I should and shouldn't eat, but at least it's MY voice now.)
And, I must say that it's been blissfully comfortable.
You see, that's the problem. I'm comfortable.
I've lost a lot of weight, (39 on NS and 45.5 total), and I feel pretty good about where I am now. Yeah, I'm not at goal, but I no longer lose my breath when I climb a flight of stairs. I eat so much better than what I use to - I can't tell you when it was that I last had a french fry.
You see, about 8 weeks ago I noticed a change. I was no longer setting mini-goals for myself. I was no longer fanitical about getting up every morning to exercise.
I'm comfy, you see.
I've found that by continuing to eat a balanced diet with very few cheats, I can easily maintain my comfortable weight.
Oh, so comfy.
So, if I'm so comfortable, why don't I stop?
I don't want to stop because I'm still overweight and I want to lose more. I want to feel really healthy. I mean, if losing 45 pounds makes me feel comfortable, how will losing the rest make me feel? Freaking awesome, I'm sure.
I want to feel awesome.
What's holding me back? What's keeping me from making the commitment? What's forcing me to hide behind the excuse of house problems, job antics, kid activities, etc?
I think it's BECAUSE I am comfortable.
You see, this entire journey has been about more than just a number on a scale. This has been about finding out who Care' is. What does she want? What are her views and opinions? What are her values? What are her dreams?
It's almost like the slate has been wiped clean, and it's a great feeling. But now I realize that it's time to write stuff on the slate again - my values, my opinions, my dreams. But I'm a little scared. It's taken 36 years to get that damn slate clean, and I want to make sure whatever I put there is right.
Plus, what if I find out that my dreams don't mesh with the important people in my life? What happens if something I determine I value causes a rift in an important relationship?
Hmmmm, it doesn't sound like I'm all that comfortable, does it?
That's probably the REAL reason why I haven't given up yet.
It's taken a couple of months, but I now recognize that it's time for me to make the commitment to myself, regardless of the risks and consequences. I know I'd rather go through the rest of my life knowing who I am and what I stand for, than spend it in the neutral zone.
It's time for me to embrace myself so that I can embrace life.
It's time for me to get uncomfortable.
With friendship,
Care'
Quick Update: The scale moved in the right direction! Down a pound! HORRAY!
Now for the real topic today . . . .
Warning: Changing to self-reflection mode now . . .
Last Friday I was catching up on everyone's blogs and I noticed a consistent theme. It seems like we're all re-dedicating ourselves to our program and making some serious commitments. I need to do that too, but something is holding me back. After careful reflection, I think I know what it is.
For the first time that I can remember, I am no longer hearing those nagging voices of what I "should" and "should not" do in regards to how I dress, where I work, what I do, etc. etc. (Yeah, there's still the voice that tells me what I should and shouldn't eat, but at least it's MY voice now.)
And, I must say that it's been blissfully comfortable.
You see, that's the problem. I'm comfortable.
I've lost a lot of weight, (39 on NS and 45.5 total), and I feel pretty good about where I am now. Yeah, I'm not at goal, but I no longer lose my breath when I climb a flight of stairs. I eat so much better than what I use to - I can't tell you when it was that I last had a french fry.
You see, about 8 weeks ago I noticed a change. I was no longer setting mini-goals for myself. I was no longer fanitical about getting up every morning to exercise.
I'm comfy, you see.
I've found that by continuing to eat a balanced diet with very few cheats, I can easily maintain my comfortable weight.
Oh, so comfy.
So, if I'm so comfortable, why don't I stop?
I don't want to stop because I'm still overweight and I want to lose more. I want to feel really healthy. I mean, if losing 45 pounds makes me feel comfortable, how will losing the rest make me feel? Freaking awesome, I'm sure.
I want to feel awesome.
What's holding me back? What's keeping me from making the commitment? What's forcing me to hide behind the excuse of house problems, job antics, kid activities, etc?
I think it's BECAUSE I am comfortable.
You see, this entire journey has been about more than just a number on a scale. This has been about finding out who Care' is. What does she want? What are her views and opinions? What are her values? What are her dreams?
It's almost like the slate has been wiped clean, and it's a great feeling. But now I realize that it's time to write stuff on the slate again - my values, my opinions, my dreams. But I'm a little scared. It's taken 36 years to get that damn slate clean, and I want to make sure whatever I put there is right.
Plus, what if I find out that my dreams don't mesh with the important people in my life? What happens if something I determine I value causes a rift in an important relationship?
Hmmmm, it doesn't sound like I'm all that comfortable, does it?
That's probably the REAL reason why I haven't given up yet.
It's taken a couple of months, but I now recognize that it's time for me to make the commitment to myself, regardless of the risks and consequences. I know I'd rather go through the rest of my life knowing who I am and what I stand for, than spend it in the neutral zone.
It's time for me to embrace myself so that I can embrace life.
It's time for me to get uncomfortable.
With friendship,
Care'
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Week #28: No Loss - AGAIN!
07/30/2006
No loss.
But, I didn't really expect one since I have NOT been good this week. Everyone has wanted to go to lunch or dinner this week since I'm about to leave the job, so the temptation has been difficult to overcome. Plus, the stress related to the house is really getting to me. I need to figure out how to rearrange my living/dining/bedroom to get my treadmill where I can use it again. I don't want to exercise right now, but I think I may need the outlet.
Hey wait - that means I'll have a gym/living/dining/bedroom.
Great.
Gotta run . . . there's yet another project I need to work on for the house.
With friendship,
Care'
No loss.
But, I didn't really expect one since I have NOT been good this week. Everyone has wanted to go to lunch or dinner this week since I'm about to leave the job, so the temptation has been difficult to overcome. Plus, the stress related to the house is really getting to me. I need to figure out how to rearrange my living/dining/bedroom to get my treadmill where I can use it again. I don't want to exercise right now, but I think I may need the outlet.
Hey wait - that means I'll have a gym/living/dining/bedroom.
Great.
Gotta run . . . there's yet another project I need to work on for the house.
With friendship,
Care'
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